The Last Ark of The Covenent
Pregnancy Christmas List
Gestation: 23 Weeks All I want for Christmas is: 1. To keep the pregnancy boobs. 2. Nipple tassels for the pregnancy boobs that I can
A Very Pregnant Christmas
Gestation: 22 Weeks, 4 Days Ahh, the Christmas season is upon us yet again. Stress on earth, general resentment toward men. I’m related to Ebenezer
Alcohol Cravings
Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never. It smells of
Sibling Rivalry: There’s a New Baby Coming?
Gestation: 21 weeks Today I lifted my shirt to show 18-month old Clare my belly. “There’s a baby sister in here for you,” I
10 Reasons You’re a Bitch to Your Husband During Pregnancy
Gestation: 20 Weeks 5 Days 1. You’re a bitch to your husband during pregnancy because he flattens himself against the wall like a minnow avoiding
Panicking During My Amniocentesis
Gestation: 19 Weeks, 6 Days I panicked during my amniocentesis today, which reminded me of a fat, gray seal I startled once while scuba
Gobble Gobble Thanksgiving
Gestation: 18 Weeks, 6 Days — My Thanksgiving Top Ten 1. I’m thankful for the “three folds of the labia.” We’re having a
Skinny Postpartum Models
Gestation: 17 Weeks, 6 Days I was having a peaceful moment en toilette — belly bumping up against ballooning breasts, thumbing through a catalogue geared
These Shoes Weren’t Made For Walkin’
Gestation: 17 Weeks Brand-new black pumps. When I put them on, I’m not a four-months-pregnant-mommy-of-a-toddler-with-a-stockpile-of-Preparation-H-and-Colase. No. I’m La Femme Nikita … If her cigarette skirt had an
Lonely Mommy
Gestation: 15 Weeks, Six Days I’ve been cruising for mommy friends like a red-assed baboon during mating season. I have a neighbor with a
I Want To Barf! First Trimester F-ery
Gestation: 15 Weeks What no one tells pregnant women is that the only way to abate the continual nausea that drones in your body,
Achy Breaky Breastfeeding Boobs
Gestation: 14 Weeks, Two Days Today at the Pump Station in Santa Monica, the epicenter of breastfeeding worship, Sage, the counter matron, (okay, maybe her
