Pregnancy Christmas List

Gestation: 23 Weeks

All I want for Christmas is:

1. To keep the pregnancy boobs.

2. Nipple tassels for the pregnancy boobs that I can helicopter at will.

3. Fishnet support hose.

4. A non-pooping pet. One that comes standard with an intra-defecatory elimination system.

5. A “Garbarita,” which is what my 97-year old grandma calls margaritas after she’s swilled a few in a dive bar amongst “coyotes” on the Mexican border.

6. Tweezers. (No elaboration necessary).

7. A contact high from sniffing the gloves a forensics team used to dust Charlie Sheen’s bachelor pad after one of his ladies killed him by reflecting his own vacuous, reptilian gaze back at him from her compact-mirror.

8. Chilaquilles (they go well with Garbaritas).

9. Full lips (and not because I have a cold sore).

10.Healthy babies and hubby. A happy heart. And my life. Just as it is.

Happy Holidays to all. Thank you so for reading and following my little piece of internet turf. I hope all your wishes come true. xo TWFKAB

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