Love Is All That Matters
Loss My father-in-law passed away Sunday night. He’d been a young stage actor in New York. He’d been one of the original writers on Captain
Author: Shannon
I Will Eat Myself Thinner!
This is what I’ve noticed about trying to lose weight. I eat more. Here’s how it goes: I eat a brownie. I’m mad at
When Did I Know My Husband Was A Good Man?
I chose to date one or two … hmmm … how shall we say … “challenging” men? Yes. That was definitely my first word of
Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Boobs On The Table!
Last night — I decided to play Monopoly with my daughters instead of allowing them to watch A Dolphin’s Tale for the fiftieth time. I
Debaculous Holiday Eating
I coined a new word. “Debaculous.” Ridiculous debacle. I’ve been eating like eight reindeer. But can I really call it “Holiday Eating?” I’ve had the
Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now.
This is not a funny one 2011 has been a difficult year for us and our extended family. Loss, diminishment, permanent change. My elegant grandma
The Santa Con
I’ve been eating my weight in candy cane cookies and want to be in denial. Instead, I feel compelled to plumb the labyrinthine depths to
The Ghosts Of Boyfriends Past
It is my sophomore year of college circa 1985. I’m driving my lemon of a Ford Mustang on the mean streets of La Habra, California at 3 a.m. What is an intelligent girl of 20 doing out at such an hour? Spying on her boyfriend, that’s what.
Christmas Epiphany: Sit On The Couch And Drink Chardonnay
If I could control the moon, the sky, the sea, the stars and Ashton Kutcher’s wandering phallus I would. Which means, every year when
It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times
Let’s start with the BEST OF TIMES regarding my bad habits. Sneaky Gossiping: This week I had a breakthrough. I was bitching and complaining to
Sometimes You Just Gotta Go Sailing
The day after Thanksgiving I tried to get my daughters and my mother to help clean up. They said that they would, but it
When Thanksgiving Sucks!
This was the worst Thanksgiving ever! None of the children broke any of their bones. No one got drunk and called everybody cheap bastard sons-of-bitches.
Passion Parties Make You Feel Unsexy
Questions You’ll be asked at Passion Parties Have you done it in an elevator? Yes. Have you done it in an airplane? Of course.
What Happens When Harry Potter Is Just Too Scary!
I always forget that if my kids watch a scary movie this is where they end up! Thanks a lot Harry Potter!
Doesn’t She Know She Could Be In A Body Cast?
I lay in beside with my 9-year old Clare at bedtime. Something serious is troubling her. We’ve had several in-depth discussions about it already, but
Gay People and Straight Middle-Aged Women Unite. Because Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner!
Saturday night I found myself undulating in the well-muscled arms of a bare-chested, slick brown-skinned, 6′ 2″ God of a man whom we shall call
Gone Fishing With The P@ssy Posse
I’m away this weekend with my womenfolk. Not all of my womenfolk mind you. Many of my first loves live out of state. They left me
Crystal the Porn Star and Other Ignominies
“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” —
Gavin DeGraw Almost Got Me Killed!
I blame it all on AOL. It happened a month ago to the day. I logged on to AOL to check my email and got
I Hate Halloween!
9:11 p.m. Halloween Night … Sugar. No more sugar. Or corn syrup. Or malto-yickitomasmazoo. I am tired of costumes that are scratchy and too tight
How To Get Organized
Last night I had to kick some ass. There was mutiny afoot in our art supply cupboard. The f***ing pencils were A.W.O.L. and when they
Why TV is Good For Kids
I Love Lucy saved my life when I was a kid. My parents divorced when I was two. Today I wouldn’t have it any other
Will My Daughters Ever Love Each Other? (Sibling Rivalry)
All Hell Breaks Loose Clare and I were rolling around with our fat cat Marilyn Monroe on the bed I’ve been inhabiting with the flu
Felled By The Flu
Sick. Fluey, coldish, hacky. Blech. This is really getting in the way of my world domination. How am I supposed to pillage, flank, conquer, vanquish,
The Clitoris: Does Size Really Matter?
Author’s note: (In this post I will use Google-recommended euphemisms for the word VAGINA. They will be written ALL IN CAPS) Henry has informed me
