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5 Reasons You Have to Stop Seeing the Asshat as a Human Being

If you see an Asshat as a human being you’ll begin to miss the specific things you love about him, instead of focusing on the overall crappy way he makes you feel.

The Colleary Family Christmas Letter

2014 was neither the best of times, nor the worst of times. It was just, well, times.

Nobody contracted ebola, nobody was kidnapped by the FARC in Colombia, nobody gambled away the nest egg, nobody inadvertently married Stephen Collins, nobody crashed Kim Kardashian’s nude booty shoot, nobody became a horcrux for part of Charlie Sheen’s soul.

Device Addiction: Does the Quest to Constantly Quantify our Lives Diminish Them?

I’m six months shy of 50 and, like most people my age, can no longer eat mindlessly without packing on unwanted pounds. Now each bite does not touch my lips before it’s fingerprinted, patted-down and cavity-searched on that hellish Fitness Pal app.

Three Bodies: Identical Twins Heal Body Image Issues Through Fine Art Nudes

“Sometimes I feel like Peter Pan. But not because I don’t want to grow up. I’m like Peter Pan in that I’m chasing my shadow, only my shadow is my body.” – Lisanne Sartor

Women Look in an Interactive Mirror and get a Massive Surprise!

When these women look into an interactive mirror, they are not expecting what is about to happen. I am weeping

I’ve Managed to get Nude Again on HuffPo Live!

This story is close to my heart because of the intimate, stunning work photographer Beth Sanders and body-coach Marlene Zaleznick did with our subject, a woman we call Claire, who wanted to lay her body image issues to rest after she’d laid her father to rest this year.

Bedroom

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The Surprising Thing that Happened when I had Drinks with this Looker

On top of his seemingly ageless good looks, he’s smart, caustically funny and has won an Emmy for a news story about a goat. Throw in my zaftig insouciance and we should be An Affair To Remember.

How Sex With a Pirate Ruined me Forever!

My first lover was Brandon Birmingham, captain of The Audacious, a merchant ship set for the Orient.
He’d mistaken me for a prostitute and had his way with me before he knew the truth…

Empty Nest = Lame Sex?

It was still summer and the cock blockers were gone. I’d driven them at breakneck speed up to my mom’s in Santa Barbara. It was the first time they’d be away from home and we could have sex in every room of the house.

Bye-Asshats

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5 Reasons You Have to Stop Seeing the Asshat as a Human Being

If you see an Asshat as a human being you’ll begin to miss the specific things you love about him, instead of focusing on the overall crappy way he makes you feel.

How to get out of an Abusive Realationship: get into the Audience of your own Life

He wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me, all he did was play pool. The following morning, after we woke up, he pointedly looked at me and went straight back to the pool table, picked up the cue and began racking the balls. I wanted to rack his balls.

5 Reasons Using Sex to Audition for Wife Won’t Work

Here’s why using sex to audition for wife will fail every time: 1. Men who are afraid of commitment are like bloodhounds when it comes to agendas. They can smell you gaming them over any camouflaging pheromones you emit.

The Colleary Family Christmas Letter

2014 was neither the best of times, nor the worst of times. It was just, well, times.

Nobody contracted ebola, nobody was kidnapped by the FARC in Colombia, nobody gambled away the nest egg, nobody inadvertently married Stephen Collins, nobody crashed Kim Kardashian’s nude booty shoot, nobody became a horcrux for part of Charlie Sheen’s soul.

Worst Husband in the World, Killing My Own Kid Video Gone Viral

When I was a newborn my grandmas came to meet me for the first time. My dad carried me into the living room swaddled in a blanket, tripped, fell and accidentally threw me into the burning fireplace as everyone screamed.

Banishing the “Wicked” in Stepmother

She had platinum blond hair worn in an Aqua-Net bouffant, thick black eyeliner and a figure Jayne Mansfield would’ve killed for. At night she peeled her false eyelashes off like she was undressing her face.

Do These Panties Make me Look Fat?

The Granny panties. You know the ones, tall and white and slippery and just tight enough to give almost any ass the appearance of a broad pancake. The kind that should only be worn when you’re cast adrift on a raft from a sunken cruise liner, in order to flag down planes from a mile in the sky.

Debuting Mary Kay’s Flirty Festive Look and Win $100 Gift Card!

Margaret, the holiday season is upon us. This is the time to counter-intuitively stop eating duck confit with fig marmalade

What Makes You Feel Desirable?

Yesterday I had lunch with my mom at my favorite local haunt, John O’ Groats. Best Huevos Rancheros anywhere! I was a bit dolled up, because that’s how I roll at 49.

Babylon

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One of the Many Reasons to Swoon Over Jimmy Fallon. Oh, and Brad Pitt too.

Brad Pitt Jimmy Fallon break dancing. Me laughing uncontrollably. Tween daughters thinking we are all lame. Dog eating his own poo.

Girl on the Edge; a Powerful film about Healing from Date Rape

I realize that our daughters are coming of age in a time where date rape is not only still a threat but there is also the possibility of the crime being documented and disseminated on social media.

My Sexcapades at Cannes

It is our driver, Jean-Christophe, who has caught my eye. He’s an older man of twenty-three and alluringly poker-faced. His eyes are a cerulean blue, his hair a tangle of black curls one could twist one’s fingers into.

Bushwhacking

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How to Have a Threesome in Vietnam!

The room was dark and quiet and I could hear the familiar sound of sleeping bodies around me. But there was another noise as well. In the bunk above me. Oh God, please no. The wet fluid sound of movement.

Utah is Dry no More and Jack Nicholson Might Show up in my Hotel Room

All I really seem to crave right now is some warm milk and a Thai caning. Neither of which I am capable of purloining in The Peery Hotel aka The Overlook Hotel in The Shining. I may not survive the night.

Au Revoir Paris, Time to Get Organized for 2014. I Could Use Some Help!

Leaving Paris to go home and: 1. Set up mammogram. 2. Set up doctor appointment to remove child’s warts. 3. Figure out Obama Care. 4. Pick up cats from kennel 5. Mainline crack.

Device Addiction: Does the Quest to Constantly Quantify our Lives Diminish Them?

I’m six months shy of 50 and, like most people my age, can no longer eat mindlessly without packing on unwanted pounds. Now each bite does not touch my lips before it’s fingerprinted, patted-down and cavity-searched on that hellish Fitness Pal app.

Monday Paralysis in Cougar Town

I woke up this morning utterly paralyzed by all of the things I need to do or think I need to do or can’t remember if I need to do or in what order I need to do. Wear my cougar costume.

Patio For Women: Cool New App that Saves Men’s Lives

I was lying in bed with Henry feeling forlorn because I didn’t feel as close to a friend of mine as I used to. Henry tried to console me by saying, “You’ll always have me.” To which I replied without hesitation, “Yes, but I need women for intimacy!”

Buy/Bites

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Heaven = An Eppa Sangria Fete on the Rooftop of LA’s Petite Ermitage Hotel on a Balmy Fall Night

I’m not really at liberty to discuss what happened beyond this point except to say that I awoke the next morning in my own bed with all of my bodily hair waxed off and pregnant with twins.

How to Escape the Zombie Apocalypse During Fashion Friday @ Bungalow 20

Kim and Ilyse of Bungalow 20 received a new shipment and being the the Shopping Savant that I am I was there to help rip open the boxes to assess which goodies I needed, in order to be ready for the Zombie Apocalypse.

Thanksgiving Fig and Basalmic-glazed LAMB!

One of my favorite memories growing up were the nights my mom cooked rack of lamb and we watched Night Gallery; featuring stories of horror and the macabre on t.v.