Tales of Amor

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10 Myths About Sex and Romance

#6 The goal in lovemaking should be mutual orgasm. This is another myth spread by movies, where all couples seem to experience the height of pleasure at precisely the same time …

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I Was Used by a Catfish!

What if there are hundreds of wealthy sugar daddies dying to throw their money at me so I can finally get front row tickets to RiverDance and they’ll pay anything for Michael Flatley to come out of retirement just for me?

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The Man With No Feet

This cannot be happening. Last week you fight off a happy ending massage and this week you’re going to be the victim of a foot-ectomy by a footless magazine salesman …

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Tales From an Inadvertent Matchmaker

One night at the Peninsula I noted two gentlemen eyeing Glenna and me from a neighboring table.

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How Do Sex and Nascar Racing Add up to a Healthy Marriage?

If I were to think of our sex life as a Nascar Race, then there are some months that we go around the track quite a bit …

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What Makes You Feel Desirable?

At 49 I’m just not ashamed of wanting to be attractive and even desirable anymore. I don’t care that some people may think desiring to be desirable is an affront to my husband and my marriage. Or that they may think I need to get a life and help build houses for Habitat for Humanity. Or that they may think I’m guilty of the 3 Vs. Vapidity, Vacuousness and Vanity.

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You Won’t Believe What Experts Learned About People Who Like Kinky Sex!

A new study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine surveyed 902 people who practice kinky sex. This means BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism) Then they interviewed 432 people who practice “vanilla sex” (no kink involved). They discovered the BDSM

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Husbands and Wives

Are Henry and I the next Grey Gardens? The latest in my Husbands and Wives Series. Lately, Henry’s been cooking mushy, formless, tasteless chicken. “Can you please add spices to the chicken?” I query. “Like, what kind of spices do

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Then He Told Me He Had a Mistress

I am frequently mistaken for a priest. People confess things to me. I don’t ask them to tell me their secrets, but I must have a non-judgmental face, because in under five minutes flat the gentleman in seat 2C on

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My Prom Don’t-Kiss-and-Tell

Here I am with my first prom date. It turns out I was the only girl he DIDN’T kiss. I’d had a crush on him from afar. He was one of my closest high school girlfriend’s older brother. Let’s call

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What Constitutes Drinking Too Much?

I drink wine. Every day. Usually two glasses and lately it’s red. Henry eats bread. Every day. Sometimes at 2 in the morning. And lately it’s white. I judge his bread. When I hear the paper rustle on the rustic

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A Trader Joes Cashier Broke My Heart

Trader Joes. That bastion of affordable wasabi peas, almond milk and hemp oil. That innovator of quality ingredients for everyday low prices. That hire-er of a potpourri of gorgeous men, tricked out in Reyn Spooner Hawaiian Hula Luau shirts, who

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Conversations with Henry: Why I’m Better Than My Husband

Sunday Night. Midnight. Me: Henry, can you get out of bed and set the house alarm? Him: You were the last one in bed, you set the house alarm. I’m too exhausted. Me: You’re too exhausted from napping all day?

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Husbands and Wives: Dog Day Afternoon

This is the latest in my Husbands and Wives Series Me: “Let’s get a dog.” Henry: “We already discussed this. Dogs are too expensive. You have to build a fence to keep them in, but they still end up digging

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Husbands and Wives: The Saladarians

This is the latest in my Husbands and Wives Series: Me: Henry did you know that you spend about 85$ a week on buying salads at Whole Foods. Henry: That’s impossible! Me: Here, look, I collated and printed out our

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Husbands and Wives: The Dead Body In The Hallway

The latest in my Husbands and Wives Series. Me: “Henry. Are you awake?” He. Nothing. Me: “Henry. Are you awake?” He. Resting heart rate of 30. He’s dead. Me: “Henry. You seem to be dead. So could you please get

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What Happens When You Give a Man Who Isn’t Your Husband Your Phone Number

The Setting: The Peninsula Hotel lounge in Beverly Hills. Chic. Cloistered. Peopled with gorgeous women of a certain age (35+). My dear friend Glenna and I were also women of a certain age, but we weren’t high-end call girls like

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When Hot Couples Have Lame Sex

Sometimes It’s Not as Hot as We Think I first met Svetlana and her husband Magnus at my friend Caprice’s Family Fourth of July pool party. Despite the one hundred-plus attendees, when the couple entered the party, a hush descended.

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I May Have to Gag My Husband

Henry is outside as I type this, reading the first draft of a book I’m writing. It was quiet out there when I entered. His face appeared stern as he read. He hates it. I can tell just by the

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What I Wish I’d Known Before My Wedding! (Photos)

I managed to convince Henry to marry me on May 27th, 2001. It only took me five years to get him to do it. Granted three of those years we were just friendly acquaintances and I was trying to get

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What I Know About Sex, Now That I’m In My 40s

The Huffington Post Women’s editor asked me to write this story, so she is entirely responsible for any lasting psychic trauma you may sustain after reading it. And so … Here’s what I know about sex now that I am

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May 23rd is National Vixen Day

I’ve caved in and am reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series.   Henry has had to start taking vitamins to keep up with me. The books are so BAD. The heroine, Anastasia Steele (yes, I know) considers herself to

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Where’s the Male Stripper?

Here Come the Pecs My friend Glinda turns forty mumble mumble mumble this month.   I went to a morning surprise birthday party for her at my friend Patty’s house in Bel Air.   Here’s Patty in a word …

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When Did I Know My Husband Was A Good Man?

I chose to date one or two … hmmm … how shall we say … “challenging” men? Yes. That was definitely my first word of choice. For example, a certain fireman I dated (don’t be blinded by how hot they

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