“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

Opt-in to the Shannon Colleary Communiqué to have both the Funny & the Wise delivered to your inbox weekly!

Pregnancy

Back to homepage

This Post is Funny, But Bullies Aren’t: Take The Pledge to Stop Bullying

My Experience with Bullies – as a Mom and a Kid There’s a red-headed twenty-seven month-old Love Bully named Scarlet in Clare’s Toddler-and-Me class. Just our luck, she has it in for Clare.   My daughter and I try to

Read More

Kirkus Review Names My Book, Into The Child, One of Top 100 Indies of 2012

Hello my Dearest Readers, Thank you so much for reading! I just found out my book, Into The Child: 40 Weeks in the Gestational Wilderness, was named one of the best 100 Indie books of 2012 by the Kirkus Review!

Read More

Jealous of that Bastard Daddy!

My eighteen month-old toddler Clare loves her daddy more than me. There it is. In black-and-white for all to see. A public indictment of my mothering skills. C: “What’s she doing here?” H: “Just ignore her and maybe she’ll go away.” For

Read More

The Christ Child is Born

The Los Angeles Lakers showed up for the cesarean with my first child Clare. Okay. Not literally.  My doctors – whom we’ll call Kobe and Shaq – kept discussing the three-point spread on the game between the Lakers and the Hawkes

Read More

The Day Before My Baby’s Birth

Gestation: 38 Weeks, 2 Days The day before my baby’s birth I’ve officially broken the forty pound weight barrier, coming in on the scale today at a whopping 171 1/2 pounds. I keep hearing the theme music from my favorite

Read More

Three For The Road

Gestation: 35 Weeks, 6 Days The last few days it feels like Henry, Clare and I are doing everything as a threesome for the last time. It’s just been we three for the road.   It reminds me of falling

Read More

In Brazil, a Cesarean is Scheduled Like a Mani/Pedi

Gestation: 34 Weeks, 3 Days My friend Mary Rose had her second child, Maya, completely naturally. No drugs. What she did have was a wiccan-ish circle of women, her mother and sisters, who began spontaneously moaning and grunting along with

Read More

The Ape Baby

Gestation: 33 Weeks, 5 Days In the last ultrasound our baby’s profile looked like a small ape baby face AND our house has been destroyed. Both things I blame on Henry; he has opposable thumbs and he had the house

Read More

Why The Dental Suicide Rate is so High

Gestation: 32 Weeks, 2 Days I’m in the stage of pregnancy where I resemble a post-op frontal lobotomite. I spelled “of” “uv” the other day. I knew it looked wrong, but couldn’t figure out why. I tried to introduce my

Read More

Firing the Babysitter

Gestation: 31 weeks, 3 days Henry’s mad at me for being mad at him regarding what time he comes home from work, which is the admittedly reasonable hour of six-thirty, but is too late to have a family dinner, which

Read More

How Dare My Babysitter Have a Life!

Gestation: 31 weeks, 4 days My world is spinning off its axis. My babysitter is leaving me.(Did I mention I’m a work-at-home-writer mom, which means I can wear pajamas all day?). Does my babysitter really think moving to Arizona to

Read More

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

Gestation: 31 weeks As I swallowed a third Tums to quell the pillaging heartburn that comes of eating chicken milanesa when you’re nearly eight months pregnant, I dreamt of not being a mommy for one whole week. I want just

Read More

Monster Baby

Gestation: 30 Weeks, 4 Days I’m worried I won’t love the new baby as much as I love my firstborn, Clare. I had a dream last night, set to the The Doors’This is the End, that I was strapped on

Read More

Santa Barbara Nightmare!!

Gestation: 29 Weeks, 5 Days Time: Noon Place: Santa Barbara Biltmore Activity: Solo weekend away Mental Condition: Foot loose and fancy free I’m sitting in the outdoor lounge of the Spanish hacienda-style Biltmore, where I got married forty pregnant pounds

Read More

Bully For Me

Gestation: 29 Weeks There’s a red-headed twenty-seven month-old Love Bully named Scarlet in Clare’s Toddler-and-Me class. Just our luck, she has it in for Clare. My daughter and I try to enter the classroom discreetly, keeping to the edges of

Read More

Of God and Phlegm

Gestation: 28 Weeks I’m lying in bed useless to the child I have, trying to get over a horrible cold so I won’t have to take any more over-the-counter drugs that might give the child-growing-in-my-belly three breasts (like Anne Boleyn

Read More

Pregnant and Proud

Gestation: 27 Weeks, 4 Days In film school I made an eight millimeter film on female body image for my non-narrative film class. I decided it was important to demonstrate that women of all sizes were beautiful. So I begged

Read More

All About My Mother

Gestation: 27 Weeks Here’s my sob story accompanied by violin in A minor: My parents divorced when I was two. Both remarried. My dad once and forever. My mom (She Who Shall Be Named Culpable) three more times.  There was The

Read More

Persistent Auld Lang Syne

Gestation: 24 Weeks, 5 Days New Year’s Resolutions: 1. To stop hating myself, loving myself, hating myself, loving myself. 2. To stop being jealous of Gwyneth Paltrow that skinny, Glee-singing, Oscar-winning, blog-writing, Castilian-speaking, perfect child-breeding, rockstar-marrying, over-achieving Bee-diddly-atch. 3. To

Read More

Flu Pandemic Panic

Gestation: 24 Weeks, 1 Day It’s the Night of the Living Dead up in here.  Henry and I went to bed at eight-thirty – it’s now midnight. I’ve been up to pee five times and to eat a tangerine and

Read More

Pregnancy Christmas List

Gestation: 23 Weeks All I want for Christmas is: 1. To keep the pregnancy boobs. 2. Nipple tassels for the pregnancy boobs that I can helicopter at will. 3. Fishnet support hose. 4. A non-pooping pet. One that comes standard

Read More

A Very Pregnant Christmas

Gestation: 22 Weeks, 4 Days Ahh, the Christmas season is upon us yet again. Stress on earth, general resentment toward men.  I’m related to Ebenezer Scrooge. Paternal fifth-cousin once removed. Last Year’s Resentment Litany: 1. Having to find the perfect

Read More

Alcohol Cravings

Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never. It smells of tomatillos and pinto beans con queso, deep-fried corn tortilla chips and freshly blended Jose Cuervo 1600

Read More

Sibling Rivalry: There’s a New Baby Coming?

Whaddaya mean you’re giving me a sibling? Gestation: 21 weeks Today I lifted my shirt to show 18-month old Clare my belly. “There’s a baby sister in here for you,” I said. She finger-tipped a wooden “F” block and hurled

Read More

10 Reasons You’re a Bitch to Your Husband During Pregnancy

Gestation: 20 Weeks 5 Days 1.  You’re a bitch to your husband during pregnancy because he flattens himself against the wall like a minnow avoiding a migrating sperm whale when you pass. 2.  He thinks natural childbirth sounds “interesting.” 3.

Read More