Women

5 Things Older Women Know That Young Women Don’t

I was minding my own business, tweezing my eyebrows using a high powered magnifying mirror, capable of lighting up the crevices of your aging face like floodlights used to interrogate Colombian drug kingpins during the Pablo Escobar era, when I saw it.

The Hubba Hubba Girls: When Girlfriends Save Your Life

When I was nine-years old my mom went through a debilitating divorce from my stepdad and I moved in, permanently it would turn out, with my dad and stepmom. I was a wreck. I threw up and had fevers whenever

It Happened To Me: Date Rape

How Women Can Avoid Date in 9 Steps “The thing about being murdered,” writes William Langewiesche in this May’s issue of Vanity Fair, “it usually comes as a surprise.” The Same Can Be Said of Date Rape When I awoke

How to Change Careers in Midlife (My First Interview!! – Video)

Hello, Beauties I’ve shot and edited my first interview with dear friend Jeannine Chanin Penn, who has decided her 50s are the perfect time to pursue a long-denied passion for art. I’ll give you a small taste of what you’ll

The Littlest Members of Women’s March Take on Donald Trump’s Misogyny

“Donald Trump on Women” gets 10k searches a day. Here’s why: Regarding the Women’s March in Los Angeles, the Facebook message passed around to thousands of Los Angeles moms said this: “If you’re taking your children to WomensMarchLA write your

This Is the Sneaky Trait I’m Giving Up in 2021

What follows are three instances where my sneaky trait got me in trouble. See if you can guess what it is? The Bra Incident My acquaintance had incredibly large breasts. No, I did not touch them! Although I was curious to

The Most Interesting Woman in the World!

“When I was pregnant, I was living in Guatemala city, carrying a glock 9mm (with a 32 round magazine) in my purse …

I Got Over my Midlife Crisis in Syrian Refugee Camps

“Then something kind of crazy happened. A friend asked me if I’d be willing to volunteer with her in Syrian refugee camps on the island of Lesvos in Greece …

What do Chrissie Hynde, Sexual Consent and a Cup of Tea Have in Common?

When I was a student abroad in 1986, I suffered an attempted rape. I was fortunate, after a protracted struggle, to escape my attacker. Intellectually, I understood that he had absolutely no right to do what he did to me …

When I Met a Very Rude Boy

“Listen you privileged little shit, who do you think you are treating this well-meaning middle-aged woman so poorly …”

Growing Up Slutty

Back in the car heading north on I-35, I sat sucker-punched. I hadn’t been called “slutty” since high school …

What Do Veterans and Stay-At-Home Moms Have in Common?

If you haven’t read Sebastion Junger’s latest piece in Vanity Fair, The Never-Ending War: The Bonds of Battle, you must.

Why Did Hot Paramedics Have to See Me that Way?

Into my bedroom strode not one, not two, but three insanely hot paramedics.

I said, “I’ve Never Felt More Attractive.” He said, “I Don’t Believe You.”

My un-Botox-ed brow furrowed and I felt compelled to ask my equally middle-aged male compatriot whether or not he was at the apex of his juiciness …

There’s Always Gonna be Haters!

Suddenly God from the Old Testament of the Bible spoke in my head. He was probably wearing robes, had a beard and wanted to smite me …

Device Addiction

Each bite does not touch my lips before it’s fingerprinted, patted-down and cavity-searched on that hellish Fitness Pal app.

Monday Paralysis in Cougar Town

I woke up this morning utterly paralyzed by all of the things I need to do or think I need to do or can’t remember if I need to do or in what order I need to do. Wear my cougar costume.

Not All Feminists Want to Wear Mens’ Penises on a Chain Around Their Neck

We women can tell stories all goddamn day long about how we’ve been mistreated. I could tell you one from today. But I don’t know how much telling those stories will mean until we can get a goddamn grip on the word feminist.

How Old Is Too Old To Rock It?

There is a 50+ woman online who out-sexes me by a mile. I’m so thrilled to introduce you to Erica Jagger, a pseudonym evocative of the decadent, libidinous, licentious Glitter Rock era. Erica writes: Recently I read the Yahoo article

My Life as an Assassin

I didn’t realize when I woke up this morning, there was a price on my head. I rolled out of bed, after the kids and Henry were off to school and work, slipping on my terrycloth robe and padding barefoot

The Breast Expert With Vertigo

Intimacy with strangers just happens to me. There was the gentleman confessor of an adulterous liaison on the flight back from Boulder and now there is the Breast Expert with vertigo. It happened in the Macy’s at the City Creek

10 Signs a Peri-Menopausal Woman Needs her Meds

ALERT! ALERT! ALL PERI-MENOPAUSAL WOMEN BEWARE: In case you were thinking of accidentally forgetting to renew your antidepressants, and weren’t concerned about missing a few days; think again! 10 Signs You Need Your Meds 1. You go out to sushi

My Antidepressant Withdrawal in “Literary Quotes”

7 a.m. Without my antidepressants, I awake and think: “I am born.” — (Charles Dickens, David Copperfield) I feel fine and fresh and new. I take a brisk walk with color in my cheeks and the wind at my back.

The Most Important “Sexy” Model Video Ever

Save The Children USA This brought tears to my eyes. Save The Children USA tried to make saving children “sexy.” Whatever it takes to get our attention. It’s working.

My Prom Don’t-Kiss-and-Tell

Here I am with my first prom date. It turns out I was the only girl he DIDN’T kiss. I’d had a crush on him from afar. He was one of my closest high school girlfriend’s older brother. Let’s call

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Women

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