Peri-Menopause
Back to homepage
5 Things Older Women Know That Young Women Don’t
I was minding my own business, tweezing my eyebrows using a high powered magnifying mirror, capable of lighting up the crevices of your aging face like floodlights used to interrogate Colombian drug kingpins during the Pablo Escobar era, when I saw it.
Read More
How Old Is Too Old To Rock It?
There is a 50+ woman online who out-sexes me by a mile. I’m so thrilled to introduce you to Erica Jagger, a pseudonym evocative of the decadent, libidinous, licentious Glitter Rock era. Erica writes: Recently I read the Yahoo article
Read More
10 Signs a Peri-Menopausal Woman Needs her Meds
ALERT! ALERT! ALL PERI-MENOPAUSAL WOMEN BEWARE: In case you were thinking of accidentally forgetting to renew your antidepressants, and weren’t concerned about missing a few days; think again! 10 Signs You Need Your Meds 1. You go out to sushi
Read More
My Antidepressant Withdrawal in “Literary Quotes”
7 a.m. Without my antidepressants, I awake and think: “I am born.” — (Charles Dickens, David Copperfield) I feel fine and fresh and new. I take a brisk walk with color in my cheeks and the wind at my back.
Read More
They Found A Lump In My Breast
It’s the moment every woman dreads. You’re lying flat on your back, your feet in stirrups and a doctor lady with cold fingers kneads your boobs like they’re dough for Challah bread. She pretends she hasn’t just looked at your
Read More
A Man Frightened By A Menopausal Woman
Hide your brothers, sons, husbands, gardeners and Fed Ex delivery men. The Menopausal Woman is on the loose, leaving nothing but male entrails in her path … (BTW – I wrote and edited this. No one seems to realize this.
Read More
I Didn’t Let That Little Bitch Beat Me
(Warning: This post is inspired by that foul-mouthed Delta Gamma who threatened to “C&nt Punt” her sisters if they didn’t shape up. Turn away if you’re tender about such language.) There’re only two of us in Tabata class today. 40-something
Read More
When You’re Over 45 You Might Need To Have The “Second Talk”
It’s June 27th, 1975 My 10th birthday. Will I get a fast growing hair Barbie? I rip through the Snoopy wrapping paper to discover … Sweet Suzie’s Starter Menstruation Kit. WTH? “Go ahead, honey, open it,” says my mom, face shining beatifically
Read More
4 Sure Signs You’re in Peri menopause
Here is how I know I’m in peri menopause: 1. I’m Smoking Hot. Not in the good way. I’ll be minding my own business hanging a corpse on a fish hook in a meat freezer in Sicily when suddenly I’m
Read More