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Inspiration From a Teacher With My Daughter When an “Active Shooter” Terrorized UCLA

“As we sat together in silence, I called each of your names, and in the quiet of that room, where the tension was still thick with not knowing, I wanted to say your names over and over again.”

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He Answered the Door With a Gun

What happened in the hot tub stays in the hot tub. Let’s just say I did not lose my virginity there, but the Kraken had been unleashed …

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Talking To Kids About Pornography (7 Bullet Points)

“Pornography is affecting young boys’ brains, turning them into misogynistic aggressors who might objectify and assault girls in the course of what they consider to be ‘normal’ sexual practices.”

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The Unexpected Way Her Father Humiliated Her

“The other night, I caught you putting your boobs on the table.” “What?” (She saw that?) …

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One Father Says Goodbye to His Daughter. Stunning.

“Her room smells of alfalfa even though she has taken the rabbits.”

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Advocating for Public Education

I want your child to come to our neighborhood middle school, Emerson Community Charter. So there’s my agenda right out there in the open. And part of getting you to do that is convincing you that Emerson middle school is

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How I Made My Daughter A Better Athlete!

I stalked left field like a panther, my stride sinuous. Predatory.

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Can You Guess Which Movie?

Sunday night I took a hard, violent fall, kinda pin-balled down there. Hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit! …

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A Plea to the Overachieving Mothers!

I’m a terrible mother! For all I know the drama kid’s really staying at school till four playing craps against the side of the handball court with a coupla middle schoolers named Vinnie and Jett …

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10 Things NOT to do on Your Child’s School Field Trip

When the Bossy Docent yells at a child for pulling a pine cone off a tree, yelling, “Leave this land exactly as you found it,” do not whisper to your child’s teacher …

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Do You Press-Gang Your Kids?

“Well, I know you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. Please go do that.” He looks at me horrified. That’s not why he came to see me. He wanted retribution not a chore. That’s what I do to my children. Ultimately I seem to turn every interaction into a nag.

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Zen and the Art of Sailing During A Small Craft Advisory Warning

I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to barf. I didn’t want to get salty. I didn’t want to smell feces. I didn’t want to be dominated by forces beyond my control. I was invited to take a sailing

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Daughters: 10 Reasons You Should Not Have Sex in High School

Dear Daughters, You’re at an age where your father and I have little control over the choices you make when you aren’t with us. We know, from our own experiences, that if you really want to do something; whether beneficial

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My Kids Don’t Rebel Against Me, I Rebel Against Them!

12-year-old Clare looks at me as I’m getting ready to go to the gym. Clare: Shannon, you can’t wear those shorts. Me: I am not Shannon, I am Mom. Clare: You are Shannon when you wear those shorts. Me: Is

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If Corrupting My Child Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right

We’re the parents who allowed our 12-year old daughter to watch two R-rated movies. Is it my imagination, or have our phones stopped ringing for play dates? Because we’re the libertines leading our child down the inglorious path of foul-mouthed,

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What Happened When I Forced my Daughter into the Ocean

Bad Parenting 101 The day was perfect for boogie boarding at the beach. The tubes were hollow; the pits weren’t dropping, there weren’t any bombs to pound you and you could even catch air on some radical ramps, Bro. But

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5 Summer Camp Activities My Kids Hated

I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when

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How “The Fault In Our Stars” Changed Me

What was I thinking? I just read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars; the one about the teenage cancer patients, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who fall in love.  I bought the book for my daughter Clare, because she wanted

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My Daughters They Would Never Speak to me Again (Funny)

Okay. This is funny even if you’re having period cramps. Don’t want to publish any spoilers, so all I can really write about this is: #flocomestotown #theredbadgeofcourage #surfingthecrimsonwave #thecurse #therearecommunistsinthefunhouse #reddotspecial First Menstruation. Enjoy!

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Good Dads! Thanks for Your Hard Work!

Daddies. They’re so wonderful. First of all, they usually smell good. My dad wasn’t much of a cuddler when I was growing up. But sometimes I could sneak up on him when he was lying on his back on the

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Daughters are from Venus, Daddies are from Mars

 The Father Daughter Relationship Daddies value quiet, calm, cool-headedness, solutions to problems and a frothy lager. Daughters value love, acceptance, patience and a safe place to dump their volcanic, spuming, flesh-incinerating emotions. If an unsuspecting Daddy doesn’t understand how a

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The Exquisite Maternal Martyr

Let Them Eat Cake! “Alright fine, let’s just go! No one wants to be here anyway, so let’s just go home and all get on our electronic devices in separate rooms so we don’t actually have to interact ever again!”

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I’m a Tween’s Worst Nightmare

Bridget just turned 10. Claire has 12 in her sniper sights. I’ve had a few epic fails recently, which I won’t detail in order to protect tween privacy. But one of my less epic fails was attempting to kiss Bridget

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10 Ways Having Kids Changed My Life

When the nurse placed my first swaddled newborn on my chest right after I gave birth, I believe the first words out of my mouth to my husband were, “I am so f#@ked.” And I still feel that way. Because

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Woody Allen Is Guilty. Mia Farrow Isn’t Blameless.

I’m one of the people who believes Woody Allen molested his daughter, Dylan Farrow. I’ve read extensively about this family; Mia Farrow’s memoir, What Falls Away.  Maureen Orth’s incendiary Mia’s Story in Vanity Fair, November of 1992, which is when

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