Tag "moms"
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Banishing the “Wicked” in Stepmother
She had platinum blond hair worn in an Aqua-Net bouffant, thick black eyeliner and a figure Jayne Mansfield would’ve killed for. At night she peeled her false eyelashes off like she was undressing her face.
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10 Things NOT to do on Your Child’s School Field Trip
When the Bossy Docent yells at a child for pulling a pine cone off a tree, yelling, “Leave this land exactly as you found it,” do not whisper to your child’s teacher, “I can just imagine her in bed, ‘leave my vagina just as you found it; parched, spiny and uninhabitable.'”
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Zen and the Art of Sailing During A Small Craft Advisory Warning
I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to barf. I didn’t want to get salty. I didn’t want to smell feces. I didn’t want to be dominated by forces beyond my control. I was invited to take a sailing
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1 Woman + Three Marriages = 33 Wisdom Bites
I have had that marital prodigy/libertine Michelle Combs on my site before writing Do You Need Code Language For Sex Because Your Toddler Will Say Blow Job When Your Mother-In-Law Comes Over? I had to have her back again for this
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Dear White Moms is a Must Read
Racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. — Merriam Webster Dictionary No one wants to admit they’re racist. But I believe
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Daughters: 10 Reasons You Should Not Have Sex in High School
Dear Daughters, You’re at an age where your father and I have little control over the choices you make when you aren’t with us. Although we can help you with things like driving costs or even moped insurance cost, we
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My Kids Don’t Rebel Against Me, I Rebel Against Them!
12-year-old Clare looks at me as I’m getting ready to go to the gym. Clare: Shannon, you can’t wear those shorts. Me: I am not Shannon, I am Mom. Clare: You are Shannon when you wear those shorts. Me: Is
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If Corrupting My Child Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right aka Bad Parenting
We’re the parents who allowed our 12-year old daughter to watch two R-rated movies. Is it my imagination or have our phones stopped ringing for play dates because we’re the libertines leading our child down the inglorious path of foul-mouthed,
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One Mom Ponders her “What Ifs” when it Comes to her Autistic Son
Today’s post comes from filmmaker Lisanne Sartor who shares her parenting what-ifs: As a parent, it’s easy to drive yourself nuts wondering if you’ve irreparably harmed your kids with the mistakes you’ve made. “What if I hadn’t yelled at him
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Autism Changed Everything
I’m in love with my friend Lisanne Sartor (sorry Henry … actually I suspect you may not mind) first because she had the courage to participate in our #LoveYourBodyNow project, but next because she’s a vulnerable, confessional writer whose work
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What Happened when Her Son was Diagnosed with Autism
I’m thrilled to introduce screenwriter/director, Lisanne Sartor to all of you. Lisanne’s short film, The Six Letter Word, about an unlikely mother coming to terms with her young son’s autism after an unexpected encounter with one of her johns, features
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What’s the Story Your Kids Tell About You?
I have daughters entering puberty while I simultaneously enter menopause. It’s an occasional Shitastrophy and I expect even more Punji Stick booby traps as their estrogen escalates and mine deteriorates. It was during my pubescent years I began to shape the
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What Happened When I Forced my Daughter into the Ocean aka Bad Parenting
The day was perfect for boogie boarding at the beach. The tubes were hollow, the pits weren’t dropping, there weren’t any bombs to pound you and you could even catch air on some radical ramps, Bro. But there Clare stood
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5 Summer Camp Activities That Scarred my Children
I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when
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How “The Fault In Our Stars” Changed Me
What was I thinking? I just read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, the one about the teenage cancer patients, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who fall in love. (not a sponsored post and there is a spoiler a few sentences
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If I Did This to my Daughters They Would Never Speak to me Again, But Dang it’s Funny
Okay. This is funny even if you’re having period cramps. Don’t want to publish any spoilers so all I can really write about this is #flocomestotown #theredbadgeofcourage #surfingthecrimsonwave #thecurse #therearecommunistsinthefunhouse #reddotspecial Enjoy!
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7 Things my Mom did That Blew Me Away
Mother Daughter Relationships: I was raised in the 70s, the era of the skyrocketing divorce rate (key parties?) and the afternoon martini cart (reference any Bewitched episodes; Samantha and both Darrens kept the Grey Goose flowing). Whether it was the
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The Post in Which I Exhibit Poor Parenting Skills aka The Exquisite Maternal Martyr
“Alright fine, let’s just go! No one wants to be here anyway so let’s just go home and all get on our electronic devices in separate rooms so we don’t actually have to interact ever again!” Oh yes, that was
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I’m a Tween’s Worst Nightmare
Bridget just turned 10. Claire has 12 in her sniper sights. I’ve had a few epic fails recently which I won’t detail in order to protect tween privacy. But one of my less epic fails was attempting to kiss Bridget
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10 Ways Having Kids Changed My Life
When the nurse placed my first swaddled newborn on my chest right after I gave birth, I believe the first words out of my mouth to my husband were, “I am so f#@ked.” And I still feel that way. Because
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Experts Say, “Don’t Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty!” I Say, Why Not?
There’s a trend in parenting to compliment our children’s abilities rather than their appearance. The lead in a recent Daily Telegraph article states, “Parents should stop telling their children they look beautiful because it places too much emphasis on appearance
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Sex and Drugs “To Don’t” List For Teenagers
My kids don’t do what I say. Especially in the morning before school (TMBS). In TMBS they become spaced out love children in the Haight circa 1969. They get distracted by the way the light bends in from the skylight
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The Thing That Put This Soccer Mom In Her Place
I’ve been reveling in some bragging rights about my daughter Bridget’s prowess as a soccer goalie. She made the All-Star team this year and I heard people whispering she was the best goalie in the 10-and-under age group. (I know
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The Post In Which I Fail As A Mother
Me to Bridget (aged 9) when I fail as a mother: Honey, I’m sorry I lost it with daddy in front of you today. Bridget: You mean when you yelled you were sick of his fucking napping all the time
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6 Surefire Ways to Keep Your Kids Happy on Vacation (we’re in Paris) While Enjoying It Yourself
Welcome to my Traveling With Kids In Paris series: This year our vacation has been to Paris over the kids’ winter break. Here are my 6 tried-and-true ways to keep your kids happy on vacation while still being able to
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