Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now.
This is not a funny one 2011 has been a difficult year for us and our extended family. Loss, diminishment, permanent change. My elegant
Tag: moms
The Santa Con
I’ve been eating my weight in candy cane cookies and want to be in denial. Instead, I feel compelled to plumb the labyrinthine depths
Christmas Epiphany: Sit On The Couch And Drink Chardonnay
If I could control the moon, the sky, the sea, the stars and Ashton Kutcher’s wandering phallus I would. Which means, every year when
What Happens When Harry Potter Is Just Too Scary!
I always forget that if my kids watch a scary movie this is where they end up! Thanks a lot Harry Potter!
Doesn’t She Know She Could Be In A Body Cast?
I lay in beside with my 9-year old Clare at bedtime. Something serious is troubling her. We’ve had several in-depth discussions about it already, but apparently
I Hate Halloween!
9:11 p.m. Halloween Night … Sugar. No more sugar. Or corn syrup. Or malto-yickitomasmazoo. I am tired of costumes that are scratchy and too tight
Why TV is Good For Kids
I Love Lucy saved my life when I was a kid. My parents divorced when I was two. Today I wouldn’t have it any
Will My Daughters Ever Love Each Other? (Sibling Rivalry)
All Hell Breaks Loose Clare and I were rolling around with our fat cat Marilyn Monroe on the bed I’ve been inhabiting with the
How to Respond When a Child Prefers One Parent (And It’s Not You!)
My eighteen month-old toddler Clare prefers her daddy more than me. There it is. In black-and-white for all to see. A public indictment of
Go The F#%k Back To School!
They’re still here. In their bedrooms. In their pajamas. Beds unmade. Toys strewn. They’re bored. They’re addicted to technology. Their eyes glaze over, their jaws slacken,
Of Trampolines and Yesterday
I took a bunch of kids trampolining today. I took this kid: And this kid: And my friend Diane and her Maisie and
The Kayak Trip to Hell and Starbucks
Why do OLDER PARENTS think they can do a lot of stuff? Meaning me and Henry. Because we decided to take the girls down
I Might Be A Murderer
Not All Cowpokes Are Created Equal! “I might be a murderer, a pedophile, a miscreant! How do you know your bones ain’t gonna be
I am Hubbell
Do you remember that scene in The Way We Were? It’s the one where Barbra Streisand calls Hubbell because they’re broken up and even though
Screwed by the Spring Sing
When I come in from work today I find Bridget flung across her bed scribbling furiously on a yellow legal pad. She’s using a
All About My Mother
Blaming Your Mom My sob story accompanied by violin in A minor: My parents divorced when I was two. Both remarried. My dad
My Kids Have Stealth Super Powers
It’s 3 p.m. I’ve picked Clare (7) and Bridget (5) up from school. Here’s what it sounds like when we get out of the car:
The American Girl Doll Birthday Party Rip-Off
What is more wholesome than an American Girl Doll? There’s Josefina Montoya who tries to preserve what is precious after her mother passes away on
Other People’s Kids Suck!
I’m not usually a judgmental person, but I have to say … other people’s kids suck. So many of other people’s kids are too hyper,
The Christ Child is Born
The Los Angeles Lakers showed up for the cesarean with my first child, Clare. Okay. Not literally. My doctors – whom we’ll call Kobe and
The Day Before My Baby’s Birth
Gestation: 38 Weeks, 2 Days The day before my baby’s birth I’ve officially broken the forty-pound weight barrier, coming in on the scale
Three For The Road
Gestation: 35 Weeks, 6 Days The last few days it feels like Henry, Clare and I are doing everything as a threesome for the last
The Ape Baby
Gestation: 33 Weeks, 5 Days In the last ultrasound our baby’s profile looked like a small ape baby face AND our house has been
Firing the Babysitter
Gestation: 31 weeks, 3 days Henry’s mad at me for being mad at him regarding what time he comes home from work, which is
How Dare My Babysitter Have a Life!
Gestation: 31 weeks, 4 days My world is spinning off its axis. My babysitter is leaving me. (Did I mention I’m a work-at-home-writer
