Kids and Parents
Back to homepageMy Kids Don’t Rebel Against Me, I Rebel Against Them!
12-year-old Clare looks at me as I’m getting ready to go to the gym. Clare: Shannon, you can’t wear those shorts. Me: I am not Shannon, I am Mom. Clare: You are Shannon when you wear those shorts. Me: Is
Read MoreIf Corrupting My Child Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right
We’re the parents who allowed our 12-year old daughter to watch two R-rated movies. Is it my imagination, or have our phones stopped ringing for play dates? Because we’re the libertines leading our child down the inglorious path of foul-mouthed,
Read MoreWhat Happened When I Forced my Daughter into the Ocean
Bad Parenting 101 The day was perfect for boogie boarding at the beach. The tubes were hollow; the pits weren’t dropping, there weren’t any bombs to pound you and you could even catch air on some radical ramps, Bro. But
Read More5 Summer Camp Activities My Kids Hated
I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when
Read MoreHow “The Fault In Our Stars” Changed Me
What was I thinking? I just read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars; the one about the teenage cancer patients, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who fall in love. I bought the book for my daughter Clare, because she wanted
Read MoreMy Daughters They Would Never Speak to me Again (Funny)
Okay. This is funny even if you’re having period cramps. Don’t want to publish any spoilers, so all I can really write about this is: #flocomestotown #theredbadgeofcourage #surfingthecrimsonwave #thecurse #therearecommunistsinthefunhouse #reddotspecial First Menstruation. Enjoy!
Read MoreGood Dads! Thanks for Your Hard Work!
Daddies. They’re so wonderful. First of all, they usually smell good. My dad wasn’t much of a cuddler when I was growing up. But sometimes I could sneak up on him when he was lying on his back on the
Read MoreDaughters are from Venus, Daddies are from Mars
The Father Daughter Relationship Daddies value quiet, calm, cool-headedness, solutions to problems and a frothy lager. Daughters value love, acceptance, patience and a safe place to dump their volcanic, spuming, flesh-incinerating emotions. If an unsuspecting Daddy doesn’t understand how a
Read More7 Surprising Things My Mom Did!
Mother Daughter Relationships: I was raised in the 70s; era of the skyrocketing divorce rate (key parties?) and the afternoon martini cart (reference any Bewitched episodes; Samantha and both Darrens kept the Grey Goose flowing). Whether it was the 70s,
Read MoreThe Exquisite Maternal Martyr
Let Them Eat Cake! “Alright fine, let’s just go! No one wants to be here anyway, so let’s just go home and all get on our electronic devices in separate rooms so we don’t actually have to interact ever again!”
Read MoreI’m a Tween’s Worst Nightmare
Bridget just turned 10. Claire has 12 in her sniper sights. I’ve had a few epic fails recently, which I won’t detail in order to protect tween privacy. But one of my less epic fails was attempting to kiss Bridget
Read More10 Ways Having Kids Changed My Life
When the nurse placed my first swaddled newborn on my chest right after I gave birth, I believe the first words out of my mouth to my husband were, “I am so f#@ked.” And I still feel that way. Because
Read MoreWoody Allen Is Guilty. Mia Farrow Isn’t Blameless.
I’m one of the people who believes Woody Allen molested his daughter, Dylan Farrow. I’ve read extensively about this family; Mia Farrow’s memoir, What Falls Away. Maureen Orth’s incendiary Mia’s Story in Vanity Fair, November of 1992, which is when
Read MoreFeeling Blue On Valentine’s Day
Today is a blue day for no particular reason. My children are thriving. My marriage is solid. We have money in the bank and a roof over our heads. I have the privilege of defining what I’ll do each day.
Read MoreExperts Say, “Don’t Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty!”
There’s a trend in parenting to compliment our children’s abilities rather than their appearance. The lead in a recent Daily Telegraph article states: “Parents should stop telling their children they look beautiful because it places too much emphasis on appearance
Read MoreSex and Drugs “To Don’t” List For Teenagers
My kids don’t do what I say. Especially in the morning before school (TMBS). In TMBS they become spaced-out love children in the Haight circa 1969. They get distracted by the way the light bends in from the skylight in
Read MoreThe Thing That Put This Soccer Mom In Her Place
I’ve been reveling in some bragging rights about my daughter Bridget’s prowess as a soccer goalie. She made the All-Star team this year and I heard people whispering she was the best goalie in the 10-and-under age group. (I know
Read MoreThe Post In Which I Fail As A Mother
Me to Bridget (aged 9) when I fail as a mother: Honey, I’m sorry I lost it with daddy in front of you today. Bridget: You mean when you yelled you were sick of his fucking napping all the time
Read MoreWhat Makes Me Feel Optimistic In A World Full Of Bad News
If you read my blog you know I’m capable of catastrophic Irish morbidity. Case in point. When my daughters strike an aloof attitude toward me as I leave the house, I have to muzzle myself from saying: “You should
Read More6 Ways to Keep Kids Happy on Vacation in Paris While Enjoying It Yourself
Welcome to my Traveling With Kids In Paris series: This year our vacation has been to Paris over the kids’ winter break. Here are my 6 tried-and-true ways to keep your kids happy on vacation while still being able to
Read MoreTraveling With Kids in Paris
Shhh. I’m hiding in an internet cafe on Rue Thouin across the street from the apartment we’re renting on the Left Bank in the Latin Quarter in Paris. Henry left us for the day to travel to Verdun. He’s meeting
Read MoreIn Defense of a Commercial Christmas
We Collearys are not a religious people. Henry’s a recovering Catholic. I was raised Mormon and love them dearly, but simply could not commit to “One True Church” or give up wine. (The Mormon age for baptism is 8, but
Read MoreMy 5 New Year’s Resolutions For 2014
I’m not entirely sure how this happened, but it appears that in less than a month we’ll be entering the year 2014, in which I will relentlessly chase down the age of … 49. WHAT? 49. Forty-nine. Forty plus nine minus
Read MoreDon’t Shake Your Man Parts At Me!
Confession: Clare, Henry, Oscar the Handyman and I are sick of each other. Clare’s been home from school with the flu for a week. What this means is she gags, barfs, watches TV with glazed, gunman eyes, mainlines Gatorade like
Read MoreThe Boy I Tutor Doesn’t Appreciate Me aka It’s Not About You, Shannon!
I’m embarrassing the pubescent testosterone right out of Miguel just by standing in the doorway of his homeroom class. Miguel’s a 13-year old 8th grader trying desperately to cultivate a mustache that looks like a black caterpillar, an attitude that
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