Kids and Parents

My Kids Don’t Rebel Against Me, I Rebel Against Them!

12-year-old Clare looks at me as I’m getting ready to go to the gym. Clare: Shannon, you can’t wear those shorts. Me: I am not Shannon, I am Mom. Clare: You are Shannon when you wear those shorts. Me: Is

If Corrupting My Child Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right

We’re the parents who allowed our 12-year old daughter to watch two R-rated movies. Is it my imagination, or have our phones stopped ringing for play dates? Because we’re the libertines leading our child down the inglorious path of foul-mouthed,

What Happened When I Forced my Daughter into the Ocean

Bad Parenting 101 The day was perfect for boogie boarding at the beach. The tubes were hollow; the pits weren’t dropping, there weren’t any bombs to pound you and you could even catch air on some radical ramps, Bro. But

5 Summer Camp Activities My Kids Hated

I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when

How “The Fault In Our Stars” Changed Me

What was I thinking? I just read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars; the one about the teenage cancer patients, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who fall in love. I bought the book for my daughter Clare, because she wanted

My Daughters They Would Never Speak to me Again (Funny)

Okay. This is funny even if you’re having period cramps. Don’t want to publish any spoilers, so all I can really write about this is: #flocomestotown #theredbadgeofcourage #surfingthecrimsonwave #thecurse #therearecommunistsinthefunhouse #reddotspecial First Menstruation. Enjoy!

Good Dads! Thanks for Your Hard Work!

Daddies. They’re so wonderful. First of all, they usually smell good. My dad wasn’t much of a cuddler when I was growing up. But sometimes I could sneak up on him when he was lying on his back on the

Daughters are from Venus, Daddies are from Mars

The Father Daughter Relationship Daddies value quiet, calm, cool-headedness, solutions to problems and a frothy lager. Daughters value love, acceptance, patience and a safe place to dump their volcanic, spuming, flesh-incinerating emotions. If an unsuspecting Daddy doesn’t understand how a

7 Surprising Things My Mom Did!

Mother Daughter Relationships: I was raised in the 70s; era of the skyrocketing divorce rate (key parties?) and the afternoon martini cart (reference any Bewitched episodes; Samantha and both Darrens kept the Grey Goose flowing). Whether it was the 70s,

The Exquisite Maternal Martyr

Let Them Eat Cake! “Alright fine, let’s just go! No one wants to be here anyway, so let’s just go home and all get on our electronic devices in separate rooms so we don’t actually have to interact ever again!”

I’m a Tween’s Worst Nightmare

Bridget just turned 10. Claire has 12 in her sniper sights. I’ve had a few epic fails recently, which I won’t detail in order to protect tween privacy. But one of my less epic fails was attempting to kiss Bridget

10 Ways Having Kids Changed My Life

When the nurse placed my first swaddled newborn on my chest right after I gave birth, I believe the first words out of my mouth to my husband were, “I am so f#@ked.” And I still feel that way. Because

Woody Allen Is Guilty. Mia Farrow Isn’t Blameless.

I’m one of the people who believes Woody Allen molested his daughter, Dylan Farrow. I’ve read extensively about this family; Mia Farrow’s memoir, What Falls Away. Maureen Orth’s incendiary Mia’s Story in Vanity Fair, November of 1992, which is when

Feeling Blue On Valentine’s Day

Today is a blue day for no particular reason. My children are thriving. My marriage is solid. We have money in the bank and a roof over our heads. I have the privilege of defining what I’ll do each day.

Experts Say, “Don’t Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty!”

There’s a trend in parenting to compliment our children’s abilities rather than their appearance. The lead in a recent Daily Telegraph article states: “Parents should stop telling their children they look beautiful because it places too much emphasis on appearance