Kids and Parents: How to Raise them both

Kids and Parents

My Kitties’ Humans Desperately Needed a New Litter: You’ve Saved Our Olfactory Glands, Cat’s Pride! (A Commercial Starring Our Family & Win 100$!)

My daughter Bridget’s bedroom adjoins the bathroom wherein two kitty litter boxes lay in wait to accost our nostrils. My poor daughter’s bedroom always harbors a hint of eau ‘d cat pee.

Buzzfeed Liquors Some Moms Up and Makes Them Talk About Their Kids. Holy Crap! (Video)

“I love when she puts her tiny little hand against my cheek and says, ‘Mommy, I love you!’ and then we close our eyes and take a nap. And then the next thing that happens is she shoves her fucking little finger up my nose!” and “If it weren’t for Sesame Street I’d never take a shit.”

Can You Guess Which Movie? (I fast-forwarded through the sexy stuff)

Sunday night I took a hard, violent fall, kinda pin-balled down there. Hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit!
I’m not saying I survived, but I thrived. I met a dolphin down there, and I swear to God that dolphin looked, not at me, but into my soul. Into my God damn soul, Annie! And it said, ‘I’m saving you Megan’. Not with its mouth, but…I’m assuming telepathically?

Prepare to Cry. Defeating Bullies by Opening a Door to Kindness. (Video)

One of the many things I love about the internet is the speed with which the audacity, bravura and sheer paradigm-shifting wonderfulness of our fellow humans can be transported through the ether. This young man is a badass at defeating bullies in the best possible way. Keep Reading!

A Plea to the Overachieving Mothers! You’re Making me Look Bad!

I’m a terrible mother! For all I know the drama kid’s really staying at school till four playing craps against the side of the handball court with a coupla middle schoolers named Vinnie and Jett who dropped out last month cuz they got caught smoking vapor cigarettes in the girl’s toilet … Keep Reading!

Her Water Broke – Father Tries to get Home in Time to see his Daughter Born! (Video)

I loooved this video made by filmmaker, Casey Neistat, when he was out of town and found out his wife’s water broke and she was in labor. Talk about rushing to catch a flight.

My early New Year gift to you:

Her Mother was “Difficult” with a “Dollop of Crazy” and Achingly Missed this Christmas

Okay, who here has had a fight with a family member this holiday season? Anybody? Anybody?? Oh, look at all those hands. I count 6,363,247 hands in the air. I’m no different. I had an unexpected row post-Thanksgiving with a loved one where the past was rehashed, shins were kicked and feelings mangled.

The Colleary Family Christmas Letter

2014 was neither the best of times, nor the worst of times. It was just, well, times.

Nobody contracted ebola, nobody was kidnapped by the FARC in Colombia, nobody gambled away the nest egg, nobody inadvertently married Stephen Collins, nobody crashed Kim Kardashian’s nude booty shoot, nobody became a horcrux for part of Charlie Sheen’s soul.

Worst Husband in the World, Killing My Own Kid Video Gone Viral

When I was a newborn my grandmas came to meet me for the first time. My dad carried me into the living room swaddled in a blanket, tripped, fell and accidentally threw me into the burning fireplace as everyone screamed.

Banishing the “Wicked” in Stepmother

She had platinum blond hair worn in an Aqua-Net bouffant, thick black eyeliner and a figure Jayne Mansfield would’ve killed for. At night she peeled her false eyelashes off like she was undressing her face.

10 Things NOT to do on Your Child’s School Field Trip

When the Bossy Docent yells at a child for pulling a pine cone off a tree, yelling, “Leave this land exactly as you found it,” do not whisper to your child’s teacher, “I can just imagine her in bed, ‘leave my vagina just as you found it; parched, spiny and uninhabitable.'”

Do You Press-Gang Your Kids?

“Well, I know you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. Please go do that.” He looks at me horrified. That’s not why he came to see me. He wanted retribution not a chore. That’s what I do to my children. Ultimately I seem to turn every interaction into a nag.

Zen and the Art of Sailing During A Small Craft Advisory Warning

I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to barf. I didn’t want to get salty. I didn’t want to smell feces. I didn’t want to be dominated by forces beyond my control. That’s right, I didn’t want to go

1 Woman + Three Marriages = 33 Wisdom Bites

I have had that marital prodigy/libertine Michelle Combs on my site before writing Do You Need Code Language For Sex Because Your Toddler Will Say Blow Job When Your Mother-In-Law Comes Over? I had to have her back again for this

Dear White Moms is a Must Read

Racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. — Merriam Webster Dictionary No one wants to admit they’re racist. But I believe

Daughters: 10 Reasons You Should Not Have Sex in High School

Dear Daughters, You’re at an age where your father and I have little control over the choices you make when you aren’t with us. Although we can help you with things like driving costs or even moped insurance cost, we

My Kids Don’t Rebel Against Me, I Rebel Against Them!

12-year-old Clare looks at me as I’m getting ready to go to the gym. Clare: Shannon, you can’t wear those shorts. Me: I am not Shannon, I am Mom. Clare: You are Shannon when you wear those shorts. Me: Is

If Corrupting My Child Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right aka Bad Parenting

We’re the parents who allowed our 12-year old daughter to watch two R-rated movies. Is it my imagination or have our phones stopped ringing for play dates because we’re the libertines leading our child down the inglorious path of foul-mouthed,

One Mom Ponders her “What Ifs” when it Comes to her Autistic Son

Today’s post comes from filmmaker Lisanne Sartor who shares her parenting what-ifs: As a parent, it’s easy to drive yourself nuts wondering if you’ve irreparably harmed your kids with the mistakes you’ve made. “What if I hadn’t yelled at him

Autism Changed Everything

I’m in love with my friend Lisanne Sartor (sorry Henry … actually I suspect you may not mind) first because she had the courage to participate in our #LoveYourBodyNow project, but next because she’s a vulnerable, confessional writer whose work

Empty Nest = Sex in Strange Places?

Sex on the dining room table had never been so raw, because Henry ate fresh sashimi and unagi off of my pendulous orbs of alabaster breast flesh, his steel-hewn thighs thrusting my sinewy ones open as he positioned himself in

What Happened when Her Son was Diagnosed with Autism

I’m thrilled to introduce screenwriter/director, Lisanne Sartor to all of you. Lisanne’s short film, The Six Letter Word, about an unlikely mother coming to terms with her young son’s autism after an unexpected encounter with one of her johns, features a

What’s the Story Your Kids Tell About You?

I have daughters entering puberty while I simultaneously enter menopause. It’s an occasional Shitastrophy and I expect even more Punji Stick booby traps as their estrogen escalates and mine deteriorates. It was during my pubescent years I began to shape the

What Happened When I Forced my Daughter into the Ocean aka Bad Parenting

The day was perfect for boogie boarding at the beach. The tubes were hollow, the pits weren’t dropping, there weren’t any bombs to pound you and you could even catch air on some radical ramps, Bro. But there Clare stood

5 Summer Camp Activities That Scarred my Children

I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when

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Kids and Parents

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