Firing the Babysitter
Gestation: 31 weeks, 3 days Henry’s mad at me for being mad at him regarding what time he comes home from work, which is
Category: Kids & Parents
How Dare My Babysitter Have a Life!
Gestation: 31 weeks, 4 days My world is spinning off its axis. My babysitter is leaving me. (Did I mention I’m a work-at-home-writer
Fantasies – Good or a Slippery Slope?
Gestation: 31 weeks As I swallowed a third Tums to quell the pillaging heartburn that comes of eating chicken milanesa when you’re nearly
Monster Baby
Gestation: 30 Weeks, 4 Days I’m worried I won’t love the new baby as much as I love my firstborn, Clare. I had
Santa Barbara Nightmare!!
Gestation: 29 Weeks, 5 Days Time: Noon Place: Santa Barbara Biltmore Activity: Solo weekend away Mental Condition: Foot loose and fancy free I’m sitting in
Bully For Me
Gestation: 29 Weeks There’s a red-headed twenty-seven month-old Love Bully named Scarlet in Clare’s Toddler-and-Me class. Just our luck, she has it in for
Of God and Phlegm
Gestation: 28 Weeks I’m lying in bed useless to the child I have, trying to get over a horrible cold so I won’t have
Pregnant and Proud
Gestation: 27 Weeks, 4 Days In film school I made an eight millimeter film on female body image for my non-narrative film class. I
All About My Mother
Gestation: 27 Weeks Here’s my sob story accompanied by violin in A minor. My parents divorced when I was two. Both remarried. My dad once
Persistent Auld Lang Syne
Gestation: 24 Weeks, 5 Days New Year’s Resolutions: 1. To stop hating myself, loving myself, hating myself, loving myself. 2. To stop being jealous of
Flu Pandemic Panic
Gestation: 24 Weeks, 1 Day It’s the Night of the Living Dead up in here. Henry and I went to bed at eight-thirty. It’s now midnight.
Pregnancy Christmas List
Gestation: 23 Weeks All I want for Christmas is: 1. To keep the pregnancy boobs. 2. Nipple tassels for the pregnancy boobs that I can
A Very Pregnant Christmas
Gestation: 22 Weeks, 4 Days Ahh, the Christmas season is upon us yet again. Stress on earth, general resentment toward men. I’m related to Ebenezer
Alcohol Cravings
Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never. It smells of
Sibling Rivalry: There’s a New Baby Coming?
Gestation: 21 weeks Today I lifted my shirt to show 18-month old Clare my belly. “There’s a baby sister in here for you,” I
10 Reasons You’re a Bitch to Your Husband During Pregnancy
Gestation: 20 Weeks 5 Days 1. You’re a bitch to your husband during pregnancy because he flattens himself against the wall like a minnow avoiding
Panicking During My Amniocentesis
Gestation: 19 Weeks, 6 Days I panicked during my amniocentesis today, which reminded me of a fat, gray seal I startled once while scuba
Gobble Gobble Thanksgiving
Gestation: 18 Weeks, 6 Days — My Thanksgiving Top Ten 1. I’m thankful for the “three folds of the labia.” We’re having a
Skinny Postpartum Models
Gestation: 17 Weeks, 6 Days I was having a peaceful moment en toilette — belly bumping up against ballooning breasts, thumbing through a catalogue geared
These Shoes Weren’t Made For Walkin’
Gestation: 17 Weeks Brand-new black pumps. When I put them on, I’m not a four-months-pregnant-mommy-of-a-toddler-with-a-stockpile-of-Preparation-H-and-Colase. No. I’m La Femme Nikita … If her cigarette skirt had an
Lonely Mommy
Gestation: 15 Weeks, Six Days I’ve been cruising for mommy friends like a red-assed baboon during mating season. I have a neighbor with a
I Want To Barf! First Trimester F-ery
Gestation: 15 Weeks What no one tells pregnant women is that the only way to abate the continual nausea that drones in your body,
Achy Breaky Breastfeeding Boobs
Gestation: 14 Weeks, Two Days Today at the Pump Station in Santa Monica, the epicenter of breastfeeding worship, Sage, the counter matron, (okay, maybe her
Pregnancy Insomnia
Gestation: 12 Weeks, 6 Days I’m struggling with an intractable case of pregnancy insomnia. I haven’t wanted to write it down in black and white
Pregnancy Musical Blues
Gestation: 12 Weeks, 4 Days I’m obsessed with The Sound of Music. I watch it compulsively, bursting into tears every time someone bursts into song.
