Gestation: 24 Weeks, 5 Days
New Year’s Resolutions:
1. To stop hating myself, loving myself, hating myself, loving myself.
2. To stop being jealous of Gwyneth Paltrow that skinny, Glee-singing, Oscar-winning, blog-writing, Castilian-speaking, perfect child-breeding, rockstar-marrying, over-achieving Bee-diddly-atch.
3. To accept my cellulite. To fight my cellulite. Accept. Fight. Accept. Fight.
Is that a Reese’s Pieces Pie?
(Two minutes, half a pie and two glasses of milk later)
4. To become a macro-bioticsess like Gwyneth Paltrow and only eat leaves from pygmy palms. (Not to be confused with the palms pygmies wear over their genitalia).
5. To stop gossiping and be more honest in all my relationships (except when it’s better to hide. Or run.)
6. To be more patient with Clare’s terrible twos. And if I can’t be, to not take it out on my husband. Very much. Or where anyone can see.
7. To quit writing hate mail to GOOP. (Gwyneth’s mom-blog. why won’t she follow me????)
8. To stop singing “Maniac” from Flashdance when the windows are rolled down in the car.
9. To be more charitable.
- But still have boundaries
- But also be more giving
- But not to the point of resentment
- But to think of others before myself
- But not in a co-dependent way
- But to ask what I can do for my country
- But not before my country does something for me
- But… (oh the hell with it).
10. To take the pins out of my Gwyneth Paltrow doll.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! For Auld Lang Syne!
And, to end with a little music:
“Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night, lookin’ for the fight of her life
In the real-time world no one sees her at all, they all say she’s crazy …
“Locking rhythms to the beat of her heart, changing woman into life
She has danced into the danger zone, when a dancer becomes a dance …
“She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor,
And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.
She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor,
And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.”