Category: Love & Sex

Do You Worry the Asshat Will Perish Without You?

Suddenly we put on our white hat, brandish our battle saber and charge in on our noble steed to rescue the Asshats them from their very own Asshattery, abandoning ourselves in the process!

What the Asshats Say to Make You Stay!

In making me feel smaller, The Greek God ensured that I’d never leave because, considering all of my flaws, I believed I was lucky to get him and should just put up with the times he treated me poorly.

Empty Nest = Lame Sex?

It was still summer and the cock blockers were gone. I’d driven them at breakneck speed up to my mom’s in Santa Barbara. It was the first time they’d be away from home and we could have sex in every room of the house.

When an Asshat tells you he’s an Asshat, Believe Him

Here’s the funny thing about people. They tell you who they are. And they often tell you right away. Recently, I worked with an

When I Tried to Kill my Ex With a No. 2 Pencil

He walked in the door of our house at 1 a.m., as if it were only 6 p.m. and he didn’t reek of Other Women.

14 Reasons You Attract Asshats

When it comes to dating, do you keep choosing Asshats over and over and over again? I was an Asshat-magnet, right up until my

Are You Turning the Asshat’s Bread Crumbs Into a Rustic Loaf?

Ahh, that perennial relationship black hole of Calcutta, the Asshat. They don’t call when they say they will. They don’t show up when expected.

How Married Sex Changed When I Cheated Death

Look at That Handsome Face! I’m not sure what moon my cycle is in, or which lunar orbit is pivoting across the satellite of my

5 Foods That Improve Sex Drive

Guess what? Food is NOT the enemy! That is, unless you’re consuming Twinkies, pork rinds and Funyons on a regular basis. But what a relief

Husbands and Wives

Are Henry and I the next Grey Gardens? The latest in my Husbands and Wives Series. Lately, Henry’s been cooking mushy, formless, tasteless chicken. “Can you please

Then He Told Me He Had a Mistress (When Cheating Becomes Love)

I am frequently mistaken for a priest. People confess things to me. I don’t ask them to tell me their secrets, but I must

8 Signs my Husband Needs Sex

It was time. I could tell it was time because Henry — who usually traverses the house with the stealth of a Native American tracking

10 Signs You’re Dating an Asshat, 5 Tips to Avoid Them

Asshats. We’ve all been in love with at least one. Haven’t we? If you haven’t, do me a service and lie. What defines an

Why I Couldn’t Resist Him

Marriage advice from a Wife Dominatrix: Last weekend I wanted to eat my husband alive. His eyes were more cerulean than a ‘Sconset sky on a bike-ride

How TV Sex Sets Us Up To Fail In Bed

I just discovered Scandal on Netflix. Yes. I know. I’m coming (pun intended) to the Oliva Pope/President Fitzgerald party waaaaaay late. But I’ve come to

My Prom Don’t-Kiss-and-Tell

Here I am with my first prom date. It turns out I was the only girl he DIDN’T kiss. I’d had a crush on him from afar. He

What Happened after my Prom Dress Came off…

I tried to open my bedroom window and it wouldn’t budge. Someone had locked it. I glanced confusedly at Albert. This is when we both heard my father’s Clint Eastwood-esque voice from the nearby porch, “Shannon,” he said, “you’ve slit your own throat.”