Parenting

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When Is It TMI For Kids?

Bridget came home the other day and said, “Mommy I love third grade.” What luck! Thought I. She must love her teacher, unlike me as a student in cross-eyed Miss Henzi’s class. She yelled constantly, but you could never be

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Being A Child Of Divorce Makes Me Think I Get Gays

I’ve been watching Ryan Murphy’s (Glee) new NBC sitcom The New Normal about a committed gay couple having a baby with a quirky, kind surrogate mother who lives with them.   Last night the men kissed passionately after one proposed marriage

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5 Things Not To Do In Front Of Your Daughters

Clare is 10, Bridget is 8. They still climb in bed with us in the morning. They still want to snuggle in front of the TV. They forever and endlessly want me to scratch their unrelenting backs. Sometimes they declare

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Does It Really Matter Whose Kid Is Smarter?

My kids are smart. They have a genetic pre-disposition. I was smart. Their dad was smart. We had high GPAs. We had high SATs. We graduated college with suma-cum-somethings. We were a parent’s dream. Until Henry graduated, pursued a screenwriting

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The Puberty Video’s at the End of the Year

Puberty is coming to my house.   I have a fifth grader and the puberty video’s at the end of the year. But already things are happening.   I’m going to have to go to the training bra section of

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There will be no child actors here!

A star has been born in our family. Yes, yes, I know Bridget is my child, therefore I’m partial. But this is not a subjective opinion, there is scientific proof that she is a star. There is the measurable charismatic

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I Both Want, And Don’t Want To Be A Working Mom

I need to get a job because we need the cash flow.   My girls are 8 and 10 and I’ve had freelance writing jobs throughout their lives, but nothing that dominated my schedule in any meaningful way.   I

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I’ve Met The Perfect 10

I met my perfect 10 on June 3rd, 2002 at approximately 3:33 p.m.  My perfect 10 has long legs, cornflower blue eyes, thick, golden hair and a ribald laugh. We’re in the honeymoon phase where 10 wants to hold me

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Happy Father’s Day: An Image Is Worth a Thousand Words

This is what makes a father great: To my own dear dad on Father’s Day…

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What’s Tearing My Relationship With My Daughters Apart

It’s 2:45 on Friday.  I arrive at their elementary school to pick my daughters up from 4th and 2nd grade. They approach, sluggishly, pinched faces, sullen expressions.I’m suddenly on alert. Def-Con 5. ME: (smiling like you would at crazed gunmen

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I’m A Benign Racist, But I Don’t Want My Kids To Be

We’re going to send our daughters to the public middle school. Don’t hold me to it. In a fit of helicoptering white-flight panic we might drive 5 miles away to the Pacific Palisades and send them to that middle school

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In Defense of my Friend Jamie Lynne Grumet: Time’s breastfeeding cover girl

The Controversy Surrounding Extended Breast Feeding Several years ago, during an interview with a homeopathic doctor for an ailment of mine, she mentioned she still breastfed her 5-year old son.   I backed out of her office as if she

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How to Throw a Greek Mythology Party For Kids!

First of all, don’t do it. Are you insane?  But, if you must the very first thing you should do is to make the Grown-Up Nectar of the Gods, which consists of Gin, Tonic, Limeade. Mostly Gin. Drink copiously. Ice

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A Mom Bully Kicked My Butt!

Women scare the ever-loving crap out of me. I’d rather go five rounds in the cage with UFC fighter Allistair Overeem than be subjected to one cup of coffee with a passive-aggressive mom who doesn’t like the food I gave

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Over The Edge, Death In Grand Canyon!

Over The Edge, Death In Grand Canyon is the title of the book I’m reading since Henry, the kids and I set off for the Grand Canyon via train this morning. Maybe if we take the mule ride tour we’ll

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Wordless Monday in Sedona, Arizona

We’re on spring break.   There are no beer funnels. No calling parents from a Oaxacan jail. No tequila-induced tattoos of dancing Geishas on our bottoms.   There’s no girls gone wild. Just girls (and Henry) gone child. We’re traveling

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Battle of the Narcissists

I slump next to Fred, who is 5, on a couch at his mom’s birthday party. Me: I can’t believe your mom is 47 because that means I’m almost 47. Fred: Do you like Star Wars or The Clone Wars

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I’m Pro-Choice Because I Love My Kids

I’m not political. This isn’t a political blog. But the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke kerfuffle and Obama’s excoriation by the religious right has me steaming. I’m a social liberal who supports Planned Parenthood and Naral. Here’s why… My daughter Clare

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Softball Mom

“Wow, your daughter’s got quite an arm!” says a dad sitting next to me at Little League softball tryouts. “Oh I don’t know … I guess maybe she did inherit her grandfather’s eye-hand-coordination. He won the 1952 Little League World

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Do You Bore Your Kid?

I have two daughters, 7 &9 One needs constant conversation and connection. The other is a day-dreamer who entertains herself with her own stories. The squeaky wheel is the one who gets most of the grease. Okay, it’s Clare! I

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What Do You Tell Your Children About Death?

It’s been an awful year. We’ve lost three of our beloved elders. My sister-in-law’s health is precarious and we’re blazing the trail to bring her back to health. Also, my mom and I are in a bit of a row

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Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Boobs On The Table!

Last night — I decided to play Monopoly with my daughters instead of allowing them to watch A Dolphin’s Tale for the fiftieth time. I was trying to be a good parent. This is what I got for my efforts.

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Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now.

This is not a funny one 2011 has been a difficult year for us and our extended family. Loss, diminishment, permanent change. My elegant grandma Sue passed away in February at 93. My proud stepdad Guido passed away in Sept

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The Santa Con

I’ve been eating my weight in candy cane cookies and want to be in denial. Instead, I feel compelled to plumb the labyrinthine depths to which our children will sink to use Santa against us. Henry and I came home

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Christmas Epiphany: Sit On The Couch And Drink Chardonnay

If I could control the moon, the sky, the sea, the stars and Ashton Kutcher’s wandering phallus I would.   Which means, every year when it’s time to decorate for Christmas my sphincter’s as tight as Hugh Hefner’s grip on

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