The Father Daughter Relationship
Daddies value quiet, calm, cool-headedness, solutions to problems and a frothy lager.
Daughters value love, acceptance, patience and a safe place to dump their volcanic, spuming, flesh-incinerating emotions.
If an unsuspecting Daddy doesn’t understand how a marauding daughter is different than him, he can make things cataclysmically worse when he tries to help.
For example:
Daughter: “I hate playing soccer because I always play goalie and it’s always my fault when we lose.”
Daddy: “It’s not just your fault. That ball has to get past the defense to get into the goal. It’s the defense’s fault if that ball gets to you.”
Daughter: “How can you say that about Paloma?? She’s doing the best she can!”
Daddy: “Who’s Paloma?”
Daughter: “She’s my fullback. Oh my God, Daddy, don’t you know anything?”
Daddy: “Let’s stay on topic.”
Daughter: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Daddy: “If you hate playing goalie, why don’t you ask your coach to switch you?”
Daughter: “Then all the other girls will hate me, because no one wants to play goalie!”
Daddy: “Then why don’t you just quit!!! Just quit!! Ahhhh!” (Screaming into a pillow.)
New Example
Daughter: “I’m sick of school. I’m sick of my friends. And I’m sick of our family!”
Daddy: “How can you say that when all your teachers, friends and family love you so much?”
Daughter: “Okay, I’m mean. I get it! Why do you even let me live in this house?”
Daddy: “I think you’re over-reacting. It’s probably because you’ll be getting your first period soon.”
Daughter: “Oh my God, Daddy! How could you say that? You just permanently traumatized me!”
Daddy: “You always feel traumatized when you’re hungry. Why don’t you eat something?”
Daughter: “You don’t understand anything! Ahhhh!” (Screaming noise, and not even into a pillow.)”
Yet Another Little Snippet
Daddy: “Honey, you’ve got to get up, you’ll be late for school.”
Daughter: “Mffflllfflll.”
Daddy: “Come on, kid. I’m serious. You can’t just lie there like a gut-shot soldier.”
Daughter: “Mflllfleave mflflme alone.”
Daddy: “If you don’t get up this instant, I’m taking away your iphone!”
Daughter: (sudden and dramatic explosion of tears) “Fine! See if I care. Now that Sam Woolf was kicked off American Idol, nothing matters anymore.”
Mommy walks in.
Mommy: “What’s going on in here?”
Daughter: “Sam Woolf was raised by his grandparents, because his parents got divorced and went crazy!”
Mommy: “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry he got kicked off Idol last night.”
Mommy takes Daughter into her arms and holds her.
Daughter: “Thanks Mommy, I love you so much!”
Mommy: “I love you too, Sweetheart.”
Daddy: “What the fuck just happened here?”
Daughter: (to Mom) “Daddy dropped an f-bomb. You never do that.”
Mommy: “I know.”
Daughter: “I guess I should get ready for school. I don’t want to be late.”
Mommy: “Just let me hug you a little longer.”
Daughter: “Okay.”
Mommy gazes over the top of Daughter’s head at Daddy who lays like a gut-shot soldier across Daughter’s bedroom floor.
Their eyes meet. Mommy makes the letter “L” out of her index finger and thumb and places it against her forehead. Daddy flips her the bird.
Daughter: “Oh my God, Daddy! What is wrong with you??”
(The Daughter mentioned in this piece is an amalgam of several pubescent daughters, known throughout the land, and certainly isn’t one of my own pubescent daughters, who are nothing but Heaven and Light!)
11 thoughts on “Daughters are from Venus, Daddies are from Mars”
FOR THE RECORD: There are two universal truths that all men know and abide: Never buy a woman a pair of jeans, and never, ever, never suggest that ANYTHING a woman says/does might be related to any kind of cycle, whether menstrual or lunar or both.
Hello darling, this daddy is also an amalgam?? xo your wife.
On the drive to school with 13-yo daughter.
S: I keep getting notices that I can upgrade to an iPhone 5.
K:By which you mean, I keep getting notices.
S: Well, technically yes, but it’s free.
K: Your mother still still has a 4 too you know, I should use the upgrade for her.
S: That would be terrible. I need one, look at this. (Showing me the cracked screen on her phone).
K: Showing me that you’ve broken your phone (again) doesn’t make me want to get you another more expensive one.
S: But it wasn’t my fault! McKenna threw it across the floor in gym class.
K: Wait, I thought you were friends. Why did she break your phone?
S: No, she had to Daddy!
K: Again please?
S: We were using my iphone to play music over the speakers in gym class for the dance unit. It was so much fun.
K: And?
S: One of my songs came on that has some inappropriate words. Okay a lot of inappropriate words. They use the f-word a lot. The gym teacher was stunned and McKenna saved me by ripping my phone from the jack and throwing it to me across the gym, only I missed and dropped it. So you see I need an iPhone 5.
K: S, I think both models will work equally well locked in my desk.
Kevin you crack me up! And I am still happy about my Starbucks!
Terribly entertaining. I think I am glad I never had any girls (or boys for that matter). I like living vicariously through people like you.
Doug, best to be a voyeur in some instances.
When my step daughter (whom lives with us full time) began puberty, I thought she had a very real mental disorder that was undiagnosed (probably inherited from her mom’s side). After all, I had absolutely no recollection of ever (I mean ever) acting in such a crazed way when I was a teen. After one too many fall outs with said step daughter, I did what all rational mothers do from time to time. I drove straight to my own mom’s house, crying all the way, bursting in the door exclaiming, “I can’t take it anymore, she’s crazy!” After only about 2.3 seconds of further explanation, my mom interrupted and started sharing experiences of her own. Which involved me. And my two sisters. And now, my step daughter is 16, I am almost daily reminded of my mother’s words, and I know it’s normal (as normal as irrational can be), and I grin, and secretly thank God he gave me a son. Visit me at http://www.backwardparentingbybrita.com as I share my experiences as a mother of teens!
Hey Brita — so good to know I’m not losing my mind!
That’s it. I am now a regular reader/follower of this blog. You are some funny.
Susan — thanks so much. Must come peruse you as well. xo
I could use some help.
My daughter, Livvie, aged 10, has a seemingly increasing (ahh, what do I call it) mental state of anxiety. Her mother and I are divorced and live 20 minutes away from each other.
– She suffers from fears and repetitive thoughts of Death, Tornadoes (to the point her acid reflux flairs up and she’s vomitted). She’s medicated with 10mg of Sertraline daily. My daughter and I, I thought were really close.
– I sing lullabies to her, rub lotion on her back, SoundScapes Spa Music at night time but she is fake sleeping and then getting on her iphone to text her mom the fears she is having.
– My daughter prefers to spend time with my wife and her step sister (my step daughter) than I. I admit to being more of the authoritative person in regard to doing things better, right from wrong, thats not how you do that, etc. On Sunday, there was a disagreement between my wife and I that I would have preferred wasn’t escalated to the argument stage. I believe it created an overload of anxiety for my daughter. It wasn’t necessary and I was wrong.
Current: My daughter is reluctant to speak to me and does not want to come to our house right now. Her mother appears and says she is doing whatever she can to help the cause and is telling our daughter she can’t avoid her father. The response from my daughter regarding the incident is magnified 20-30 times beyond the initial incident.
I’m going to individual counseling Monday and Father-Daughter counseling on Tuesday.
I could really use your help. Dad’s or Mom’s… also with children with anxiety.
Thank you!
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