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Tag "married sex"

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You’re Never Too Old to Learn New Sex Tricks

“Henry and I had been married for 10 years when I made him meet me for a blind date …

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How to Seduce Your Wife

“What could my Mother’s Day gift be? A Spanx trousseau which would make me feel like a slatternly bovine, and render me affronted, so I could lambast my husband with the misplaced anger I feel about everything else in my life.

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Night Three: 101 Nights of Great Sex

My breasts were really quite put out. I’d already extorted six months of breast-feeding out of them back in 2005 …

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How Do Sex and Nascar Racing Add up to a Healthy Marriage?

If I were to think of our sex life as a Nascar Race, then there are some months that we go around the track quite a bit …

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Caught In The Act and Traumatized!

Midnight. Exhausted as we were, we were not going down (so to speak) without a fight. We’d just begun certain preliminary gestures toward one another. Clothes were shucked …

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How Married Sex Changed When I Cheated Death

Look at That Handsome Face I’m not sure what moon my cycle is in, or which lunar orbit is pivoting across the satellite of my luminescent chakras and third eye, but I’m feeling sentimental about my man. Henry turned 54

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How to Have Good Sex

Hint: Banish all Mice It was 10 o’clock p.m. on a Friday night. The kids were actually asleep. Theoretically, Henry and I could’ve been rocking the sheets. Instead, I was in the outdoor office trolling through Facebook. Clicking on links that

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How Much Sex is Normal?

Dear Abby had her hands full with this query: Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. Our marriage may not be perfect, but it’s quite good.   My dilemma is this: My husband keeps

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Why I Couldn’t Resist Him

Marriage advice from a Wife Dominatrix: Last weekend I wanted to eat my husband alive. His eyes were more cerulean than a ‘Sconset sky on a bike-ride Sunday. His pecs were glorious mounds of muscled filet mignon and just looking

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I Want Him To Dominate Me In Bed!

In bed I’m soft. Demure. Enticing as Brigitte Bardot in And God Created Woman, with doe-like come-hither glances and marzipan hair. I’m as tremulous as the surface of tea in a cup, perched on a plate, balanced on a stick,

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The Embarrassing Thing That Happened During Athletic Lovemaking

Marital Silliness The other night I stopped Henry in the midst of our mating ritual. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m kissing you,” he replied. “But why are you kissing me so softly?” I demanded. “I’m being gentle,” he

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When Sex Is More Meaningful Than Having The “Big O”

“Henry. Henry, wake up! We have to have sex.” “No, we don’t!” “Yes, we do. Now come on.” “I can’t.” “If the musicians on The Titanic could play their violas and cellos ’til the ship went down you can wake

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Long Marriage = Adventurous Sex?

I met my friend Mistress Justine for lunch on Friday. That’s not her real name, but it should be. She and her husband, Raoul (also a pseudonym) have been married 15 years. The last time we spoke, Justine admitted their

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The Death Of Sweetums

It hath come to pass that I am madeth aware, yet again, of a marital sex epiphany. Henry will, from time to ignominious time, refer to me as, and I quote, “SWEETUMS.” This is what Sweetums looks like: Sweetums bakes

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The Virgin Marriage

In honor of my little brother turning 40 today I’m reposting his love/life philosophies. The gift that keeps on giving. I love you, sweetheart! My brother and his bride were both virgins when they married at twenty-two and twenty-years old.

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The Man You Want May Already Be In Your Bed

Friday night our daughters Bridget and Clare both had sleepovers elsewhere. They were gone by 5:30 p.m. and were not to return until the following morning. Henry and I were home alone for the first time since the new millennium.

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Should Marriage and Pornography Get In Bed Together?

All people in this post are amalgams of people I know, so if you think this is about you … it probably is. My dear friend, henceforward known as Crystal, (a name I used once to great effect) called me

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Crystal the Porn Star and Other Ignominies

“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” — Jimmy Carter Freakin’ Jimmy Carter, man, he lays it out there. Okay, so I’ve had

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Tonight’s The Night, Baby

Last night was going to be The Night.  I felt a lurking presence behind me as I Googled “Thesaurus” trying to find a better word for “engorgement” (don’t ask) on the internet. I turned to see Henry standing behind me. He

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Married Sex: Fact or Fiction? I’ll Never Tell

Sarah and Simon had been married ten years. They had two children, Octavia and Penelope, ages two and four. Their angels and their succubae. The couple shared a post-partum stress disorder that manifested in the certainty that their daughters would

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