The Man You Want May Already Be In Your Bed

Friday night our daughters Bridget and Clare both had sleepovers elsewhere.

They were gone by 5:30 p.m. and were not to return until the following morning. Henry and I were home alone for the first time since the new millennium. Should we go out?

Here’s what that looks like:  

We shower in separate bathrooms, do our various ablutions; the flossing, Water Pic-ing, shaving and exfoliating, put on our good-smelling lotions and perfumes, get dolled up and go. Then we plunder some mall for dinner and a movie.

We both try not to eat the bread. I have two drinks and flirt disingenuously. Henry has a seltzer with no lemon and tries to avoid my wine breath. We eat red meat and puffy potatoes. I have chocolate souffle and Henry has vanilla bean ice cream.

After going to the Roman vomitorium, we waddle to the theater and watch either a Bourne-like movie where I ogle the actioner’s biceps, or a Will Farrell movie where we laugh our asses off then forget what we saw five minutes later.

We return home around 11:00 and promise to meet in bed just after he plays 10 minutes of Tour of Duty and I dive into the internet to emerge feeling over-stimulated and slimy.

Then we have quick, perfunctory sex and go to sleep.

Or we just go to sleep. Yes. This is a f$@king depressing tale of married sex.

So, this time I threw a wrench into the situation. I walked into the front door and dropped trou, shucked my shorts, flung off the whole kit and kaboodle.

It was hot outside, I’m peri-menopausal, and I thought we should just have our date at home.

Henry was in the kitchen when I walked by, heading toward the thermostat to crank on the air conditioning. Just after he registered my state of undress I heard:


He emerged from the kitchen naked as Burt Reynolds in the Cosmo centerfold. Well, hello!

For the next three hours we turned off the phones, computers and our brains. We became reacquainted.

I couldn’t remember how long it had been that we lay skin to skin for three hours and weren’t asleep. Maybe never? Which, I realized, was a sad waste of time in this ever dwindling life.

Co-habitating makes us see each other the same way all the time.

Wife. Husband. Mother. Father. Provider. Homemaker. Cook. Suppository Inserter (just checking to see if you’re awake).

I fantasize about men who don’t fill any of those roles in my life.  But Friday night Henry wasn’t the guy who yells, “Supper!” at 5 o’clock, like John Boy on The Waltons (a total cock blocker), Henry was my fantasy.

I chose to see him as a hot piece of tail.  

He’s got a magnificent chest. Smells good. Has shapely legs and soft lips. His eyes are bluer than Sinatra’s.

I realized there might be moms I know who have a little crush on him. I vowed to be more appreciative and remember what drew me to him in the first place.

Be careful, our passion might scald you!

I can’t speak for Henry, but the day following our home-date we touched each other more than usual and Bridget wailed in disgust, “Mommy and Daddy are making out,” when we paused to share a kiss in a door frame.

We’re back in our regular groove now.

Making the kids breakfast. Packing their lunches. Henry driving off in one direction and me in the other.

Marriage is a marathon and some people crap their pants before they can make it to the finish line, but it’s a worthy endeavor.

I want to remember to stop, drink lots of fluids and stretch my limbs to finish the race strong. Kisses to you Henry. Hank. Hottie.

Tell me about the man you want who is already in your bed!

45 thoughts on “The Man You Want May Already Be In Your Bed”

  1. Love it! As a newly-wed (though we’ve been together for 12 years), posts like this are awesome reads! I want to keep it fresh forever, and I enjoy and appreciate your tips!! Love your blog!

    1. Thanks so much Patti — we get into major ruts at times so it’s good to make an effort and seek the green grass in my own backyard. Oh me and my lame analogies!

  2. You have your own bathroom? We have FOUR full bathrooms and everyone is always in mine. What have I done wrong?

    Advice please?

    Also… yeah, dating your husband is really important. I’m happy y’all are happy… now fix my bathroom issue.

    1. Jessica — I am moving in with you. I promise not to use your bathroom. My husband gets his own bathroom because none of us girls can handle the kitty litter box he cohabits with. Another reason this man should be lauded.

  3. I’ve been married for almost 11 years now and it seems like we just got together. I love him to death and I can’t wait to see us in years to come. I make sure to reconnect with him often so we don’t get in a rut. Loved your post!

  4. When we were empty nesters (sigh…) we had many Sunday mornings like this. Now that our kids are (temporarily) back, we have to wait for the house to clear out – it’s not a big house – before we can get busy.

    However, I’ve always told my husband the best aphrodisiac for me is a hotel room key. It works every single time. And we can sit around naked for as long as we want!

    1. I get the roommate scenario. It can’t be amorous bliss all the time that’s for sure. But it was such a nice surprise to see we could bring it back. Reminded me of that sweet film Enchanted April.

  5. I love that you just flinged your shorts off. Your husband must have thought he died and went to heaven….. This inspires me to pay closer attention to my man’s baby blues. You seem way more wild then your pictures portray you. 🙂 I like it.

  6. Shannon…I needed that reminder so much…the day to day routine…work…kids…school…we can get so absorbed in all of that and forget why/how we fell in love and the importance of being together. I really loved this post…

    1. Hi Jennie — sometimes we’re just in the trenches and we have to hang on long enough for the shelling to stop. Our kids are 8 and 10 and finally so much more self-sufficient. But teendom is just around the corner.

  7. We don’t have kids at home, but like everyone we get into ruts. Isn’t funny how sometime we look at our husbands and they look different to us? I know with my Tony, sometimes he is just so sexy to me.

  8. It always amazes me what a little alone time can do to strenghten the bond my husband and I have. And, yes when I have that time it reminds me of what I love about him and not that his home office could be on the next addtion of Horders! Thanks for a great post!

  9. Shannon,

    I ended up here from your “Longer Marriage = More Adventurous Sex?” posting. Happily married for nearly 24 years I cannot identify with the lack of connection you describe in your daily lives.

    I attribute the success of my marriage in part to approaching it as a “full contact undertaking”. By this I mean that quite apart from actual love making it is important to express and reinforce frequently that your partner’s body is something you appreciate and that gives you pleasure. While our love making is satisfyingly frequent at no point in our marriage have we approached Justine’s pace of twice a day. That said we definitely do savor full body, flesh to flesh intimacy three times every day: when waking up, when showering together and when going to sleep.

    In the morning before we get out of bed she removes her nightgown and I my pjs. Then we hug and cuddle as we wake up. It is a time recover from the shock of the alarm going off, to verbalize yet again our love for one another and to start the day in sync.

    Throughout the four homes we have occupied in the course of our marriage we have always insisted that our master bath include a shower large enough for two. We _always_ shower together. Especially on weekends this means keeping one another informed of things we intend to do ahead of taking a shower. It also means being ready to pause whatever one may be doing to be able to share that shower time together. Once in the shower we always lather one another up. Our showering ends with our bodies pressed together and us kissing under warm running water.

    At the end of the day, before donning nightgown and pjs, we again cuddle naked. Sometimes we simply share quiet intimacy, sometimes we have conversation, and sometimes my wife is so tired that she falls asleep in my arms. However bedtime plays out it is a sweet end to the day.

    In addition to this regular pattern I also hug my wife from behind frequently and in nearly any setting. Often I will nuzzle her neck. If we have some privacy I will fondle her breasts or slip my hand into her pants and squeeze her butt.

    Growing up in New York City many, many of my friends parent were fighting, separated or divorced. I felt immensely secure and lucky because I knew that my parents had a strong, loving marriage. More than anything I wanted to bestow that same experience on my children. I knew that we were doing something right when my son mentioned that he told friends at college that his parent are still very much in love. Ditto when my daughter’s anniversary card described us as “such good role models”.

    1. Thank you for your story!! I need to take some of your suggestions. We only recently started getting into bed naked with each other at night, because we had kids crawling into bed with us at all hours. So now we get into bed naked, cuddle, massage and yes, even have sex, and then put our clothes back on. But I want the shower moment. That sounds so bonding and sexy. Thanks for sharing!

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