The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful | married sex - The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful

Tag "married sex"

How Do Sex and Nascar Racing Add up to a Healthy Marriage?

If I were to think of our sex life as a Nascar Race then there are some months that we go around the track quite a bit. I pit stop long enough only to get new rubber and often have a crew-chief telling me how to go faster, drive harder and encouraging me to come up on the corners … keep reading!

Are You Willing to Admit Your Number? Not that one, Your REAL Number?

Me: Honey, I lied and told everyone we only have sex once a week. I didn’t want to make them feel inadequate by giving them the real number. Henry: Our real number isn’t even in the realm of quantifiability given its massive girth. Me: It’s kind of like in Interstellar when Matthew McConaughey was floating between worlds on the inexplicable time continuum. That’s how many times we have sex a week except that time is collapsed and weeks are really eons of incomprehensibility. Henry: After all of those words I’m too tired to have sex, except maybe in the square root of Pi arena. Keep Reading!

Caught In The Act and Traumatized!

Midnight. Exhausted as we were, we were not going down (so to speak) without a fight. We’d just begun certain preliminary gestures toward one another. Clothes were shucked, body parts beginning to mingle like awkward teenagers at an after-school dance when the distinct sound of padding feet made us freeze. Keep Reading!

The Surprising Thing that Happened when I had Drinks with this Looker

On top of his seemingly ageless good looks, he’s smart, caustically funny and has won an Emmy for a news story about a goat. Throw in my zaftig insouciance and we should be An Affair To Remember.

13 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex!

In a recent story on College Candy (because I’ve never matured past my beer-funneling, waking-up-in-a-strange-dorm-bunk-with-Robert-Downey-Junior-during-the-druggie-years college era) the men of the Dude’s List offer these wisdom gems to women everywhere. Here’s what they say: 1. Not Every Time Has To Be

How Married Sex Changed When I Cheated Death

I’m not sure what moon my cycle is in, or which lunar orbit is pivoting across the satellite of my luminescent chakras and third eye, but I’m feeling sentimental about my man. Henry turned 54 in August. Can this be

Do you need a Code Language for Sex? Because your Toddler will say “Blow Job” when your Mother Visits

Finally I’ve found someone (besides me) willing to blog about their married sex life. Blogger Michelle Combs lets us in on her code language for sex from each era: before kids, during infants, toddlers, teenagers and beyond. Michelle writes: By

The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer is Here! And it’s Actually Good!

Okay, I’ll admit it. I read the first two Fifty Shades of Grey books. My brain kept saying, “No, no, turn back! You are becoming stupider with each page. You are reverting back to your amphibian ancestors whose brains only

How Role Playing Can Make Your Married Sex Hot

Do you remember the post where Henry and I met at The Avalon Hotel in Beverly Hills and pretended we didn’t know each other? I like to call that role playing The Game. Hottest sex of my life, (all sex,

How to Have Good Sex. Hint: Banish all Mice

It was 10 o’clock p.m. on a Friday night. The kids were actually asleep. Theoretically Henry and I could’ve been rocking the sheets. Instead: I was in the outdoor office trolling through Facebook, clicking on links which led to videos,

Does Your Wife or Husband do This? aka How Much Sex is Normal?

Dear Abby had her hands full with this query: Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. Our marriage may not be perfect, but it’s quite good. My dilemma is this: My husband keeps track

Why I Couldn’t Resist Him…

Marriage advice from a Wife Dominatrix: Last weekend I wanted to eat my husband alive. His eyes were more cerulean blue than a ‘Sconset sky on a bike-ride Sunday. His pecs were glorious mounds of muscled filet mignon and just

I Want You To Dominate Me In Bed!

In bed I’m soft. Demure. Enticing as Brigitte Bardot in And God Created Woman, with doe-like come-hither glances and marzipan hair. I’m as tremulous as the surface of tea in a cup perched on a plate balanced on a stick

When Sex Is More Meaningful Than Having The Big O

“Henry. Henry, wake up! We have to have sex.” “No, we don’t!” “Yes, we do. Now come on.” “I can’t.” “If the musicians on The Titanic could play their violas and cellos ’til the ship went down you can wake

Long Marriage = Adventurous Sex?

I met my friend Mistress Justine for lunch on Friday. That’s not her real name, but it should be. She and her husband, Raoul (also a pseudonym) have been married 15 years and the last time we spoke Justine admitted

The Death Of Sweetums aka Entering the DMZ (Demaritalized Zone)

It hath come to pass that I am madeth aware, yet again, of a marital sex epiphany. Henry will, from time to ignominious time, refer to me as, and I quote, “SWEETUMS.” This is what Sweetums looks like: Sweetums bakes

The Virgin Marriage

In honor of my little brother turning 40 today I’m reposting his sex life philosophies. The gift that keeps on giving. I love you, sweetheart! My brother and his bride were both virgins when they married at twenty-two and twenty-years

The Man You Want May Already Be In Your Bed

Friday night our daughters Bridget and Clare both had sleepovers elsewhere. They were gone by 5:30 p.m. and were not to return until the following morning. Henry and I were home alone for the first time since the new millennium.

Should Marriage and Pornography Get In Bed Together?

All people in this post are amalgams of people I know, so if you think this is about you … it probably is. My dear friend, henceforward known as Crystal, (a name I used once to great effect) called me

How To Seduce Your Husband and Spice Up Your Marriage

“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” Freakin’ Jimmy Carter, man, he lays it out there. Okay, so I’ve had this fixation on

Tonight’s The Night, Baby

Last night was going to be The Night. I felt a lurking presence behind me as I Googled “Thesaurus” trying to find a better word for “engorgement” (don’t ask) on the internet. I turned to see Henry standing behind me. He was

Married Sex: Fact or Fiction? I’ll Never Tell

Sarah and Simon had been married ten years. They had two children, Octavia and Penelope, ages two and four. Their angels and their succubae. The couple shared a post-partum stress disorder that manifested in the certainty that their daughters would be felled by whooping cough,

Tag "married sex"

Loading, Please Wait!