Women

They Found A Lump In My Breast

It’s the moment every woman dreads. You’re lying flat on your back, your feet in stirrups and a doctor lady with cold fingers kneads your boobs like they’re dough for Challah bread. She pretends she hasn’t just looked at your

Does My New ABOUT Page Work? I Need Your Input

Hello Readers, Friends, Family and Porn Spammers. It would mean so much to me if you could give me notes on my new About page. I’ll send a copy of my new book, Smash, Crash and Burn: Tales From The Edge

My Wittiest, Wisest, Most Inappropriate Commenters (Andy) This Week!

My favorite comments this week! I’m frequently thrilled by how funny, insightful and creative twfkab commenters are, and how much I can adore people I’ve never even met. The internet certainly can be used for evil, but the good that

Today TWFKAB Turns 3!

I started this blog on October 18th, 2010. I began by publishing my first novel, Into The Child: 40 Weeks in the Gestational Wilderness, on the site which – if you haven’t read it you should in order to fill my

Why I Didn’t Want to go to my 30th High School Reunion

In considering the usual psychological tropes for why alumni don’t attend their high school reunions my research has come to this: (1)He feels too fat. (2)She’s gotten divorced. (3)He’s never been married. (4) She doesn’t have children. (5)He’s unemployed. (6)She’s

A Man Frightened By A Menopausal Woman

Hide your brothers, sons, husbands, gardeners and Fed Ex delivery men. The Menopausal Woman is on the loose, leaving nothing but male entrails in her path … (BTW – I wrote and edited this. No one seems to realize this.

What Do You Do When Your Best Friend Tells You She Might Be Gay?

I’ve known Maggie since we were freshmen in high school. We’re now both married moms who don’t get to see much of each other because she lives in a different state. But occasionally she comes back to California to visit

I Have A Compulsion … I Want To Stop!

This compulsion I have has a profound affect on my happiness … I’m a habitual Tryer. I spend a lot of my time trying. Lately, I’ve been trying to get my daughters to school, soccer, Little League, piano, drama and

Not All Men Are Rapists

Yes. An inflammatory headline. Since the recent Steubenville rape case and excavating and writing about my own experience as a victim of attempted rape when I was in college, I’ve grown increasingly anxious about raising daughters. Suddenly, the world seems

When You Know You’re An Addict

My doctor won’t prescribe me any more Ambien. She says I could wake up wearing nothing but a smile while driving my car the wrong direction down the Pacific Coast Highway, because that’s the kind of shit that happens when

I Didn’t Let That Little Bitch Beat Me

(Warning: This post is inspired by that foul-mouthed Delta Gamma who threatened to “C&nt Punt” her sisters if they didn’t shape up. Turn away if you’re tender about such language.) There’re only two of us in Tabata class today. 40-something

My Interview on “Raising America with Kyra Phillips” on Date Rape

I know three women whose first sexual experience was date rape. Two of them were in high school at the time, and the last was a freshman in college. I went to Italy looking for romance during spring break my

71 Dresses In 71 Days: Week 10

I’m like a man, parched with thirst crawling over the endless sand dunes of the Mojave Desert. Except I’m doing it in 71 dresses. My No Shopping Project is coming to an end. A few months ago, I decided to

Accepting The Fact That Women Are Prey Can Empower Us

A few weeks ago, I talked with Neal Conan on NPR’s Talk of The Nation about my experience as the victim of an attempted date rape in 1986. (I also wrote about the experience in a post titled: It Happened To Me: A

May: The Month to Do The Things That Scare You

These are the things I’ve done recently that made me want to vomit while pooping water. (Yes. You can take that line and use it as your own.) 1. Wrote a book detailing my slatternly (Merriam-Webster: “Of, relating to, or

Moms Speak Out at Expressing Motherhood Show

We just wrapped our first week of performing Expressing Motherhood to packed audiences. Thirteen moms address everything from adoption to nude photos, (who could that be?) to molestation, to husband’s who work too damn much, to discovering their teenage son