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Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Okay, my name is actually Shannon Bradley-Colleary.
Do you fantasize you’re a hot-blooded Flamenco dancer partnered by Chris Hemsworth whom — after an international dance competition in Firenze, Italia — drinks vodka out of your belly button?
Were you accused by your then 4-year old of “Cutting the Fun!”?
Do you wish you knew how all of the celebrities over 40 look so good? I mean, are they moisturizing with yak semen?
Could you solve Poverty if you spent less time wondering how to stop your thighs from rubbing together?
While I patiently waited for my ex-boyfriend to come out of his Cave, I didn’t realize the Cave he was in was another woman’s vagina.
Have you ever wondered if Gwyneth Paltrow stole your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions then this blog is for you.
I live in Los Angeles with my screenwriter husband Henry and my two daughters Clare (14) and Bridget (12).
I began in Los Angeles as a Wacktress (waiter/actress) starring most notably in music videos with Slash (Axl never showed). And Babyface (when he was a baby).
I did a classic turn in a cereal commercial where I talked to a parrot who thought my hair was his nest.
A glamorous life you can read about in Smash, Crash & Burn which may cause you to veritably seethe with envy. (0r say a Hail Mary)
Then I became a married, pregnant screenwriter, working, between bites of pizza, for Warner Brothers, Lifetime Television, TBS and Disney.
One of my favorite gigs was a production rewrite on a film shot in Cape Town, South Africa.
I’m proud to say I was the fifth and final writer who had the pleasure of witnessing the late great Roy Scheider sun-bathing in the rain.
Ultimately I evolved into a memoirist/blogger and a very bad, yet still bossy AYSO soccer referee for my daughters’ Girls-Under-8 team.
I coined the phrase “The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful” …
when I was 8-months pregnant with Bridget, standing in line at the meat counter at Bristol Farms in Beverly Hills.
Five butchers (count ‘em … five!) were helping a hot, non-pregnant Pussycat Doll select a pound of cackle while I festered swollenly nearby trying to order one freaking carne asada!
Eventually I passed out from hypoglycemia due to LACK OF RED MEAT.
And when the paramedics came they forgot to collect my 50-lbs.-up limp form off the ground. They were too busy helping the Pussycat Doll carry her boneless, skinless chicken cutlets to her car.
I started my blog because I needed a domain of my own that I could rule with an iron fist wearing nothing but a Bob Mackie rhinestone g-string.
Since then I’ve been syndicated by “O” The Oprah Magazine, The Huffington Post, Medium, Purple Clover, London’s Daily MailOnline, BlogHer and more.
My work has been featured on The Today Show, NPR, CNN and HuffPo Live.
I’m the authoress of three well-reviewed memoirs, one which received a Kirkus star, and one that is being translated into Chinese and will be published in China the summer of 2016!
With a little extra pancake, deodorant, a pantyliner, some natural lighting and exfoliating with the pubic hair of virgin Mormon missionaries, I can still look like this.
If you’re a brand and you’d like to advertise with me or media that would like to interview me you can contact me at email@example.com or call me at 310-463-2267.