What Makes You Feel Desirable?

what makes you feel desirable?
With fellow hootchie mama, code name Tango 5/6
Looking Good!

Yesterday, I had lunch with my mom at my favorite local haunt, John O’ Groats.

Best Huevos Rancheros anywhere!

I was a bit dolled up, because that’s how I roll at 49.

In my teens and 20s I never wore make-up, dresses, shoes, (or bras for that matter) because I had beauty to burn.

Now, I want to squeeze every last ounce of juiciness out of this body, until I salsa out of this life, in red stilettos, of course.

As my mom and I were leaving, Paul, the restaurant owner, stopped me to say, “You look so beautiful today.”

I halted in my tracks and gave him a big hug. “You just made my day,” I told him.

The other day, when my tomboy daughter squinted critically at me as I waltzed out of the house to go to the grocery store wearing a dress and nice heels, she asked, “Mommy, why do you have to be pretty all the time?”

In her world of softball, soccer and ping pong, “pretty” is a bad, shallow, insipid word.

Without missing a beat I answered, “Because it makes me happy.”

At 49, I’m just not ashamed of wanting to be attractive and even desirable anymore.

I don’t care that some people may think desiring to be desirable is an affront to my husband and my marriage.

Or that they may think I need to get a life, and help build houses for Habitat for Humanity (which I would actually love to do).

Or that they may think I’m guilty of the 3 Vs. Vapidity, Vacuousness and Vanity.

I just don’t care.

Feeling desirable is part and parcel of what puts a spring in my step and makes me look forward to every day.

  • It doesn’t mean I’m going to run off with the neighbor’s Guadalajaran pool boy (I think my Cougarosity frightens him a little).
  • It doesn’t mean I don’t also like to play softball, soccer and ping pong, too.
  • It doesn’t mean I don’t care deeply about other people.

It just means that I’ve gotten to an age where I’m happy with myself, where I’ve given up beating myself up and judging myself.

Because ladies, life is just too damn short. And interestingly enough, feeling desirable outside of my marriage actually adds a little kick to my married sex life!

So. My question for the day, and it just might make you squirm uncomfortably, what do you love about yourself right now?

What makes you feel desirable, sexy, sassy and superlative. And go!

9 thoughts on “What Makes You Feel Desirable?”

  1. Thank you, thank you! For years, I worked in a home-based business. I belonged to online groups in similar businesses. Most of us were women. They would have long discussions of getting out of bed and working in their pajamas all day, no hair, no makeup, etc. — and they were proud of it. I got up, showered, made up my face, put on clean clothes, etc. So, when I had clients call, I was ready to receive them. I just feel better looking my best. While my husband was out among businesswomen, I didn’t want him wishing I’d do something with myself and I didn’t want him coming home to someone who didn’t care. I’ve always enjoyed looking pulled together and feminine. We are both retired now and guess what? I’m sitting here ready to start my day with makeup, hair done, etc. I feel great!

    1. Rosie I love this comment. I had a real eye opened years ago when I traveled to Barcelona, Spain. There I was as a tourist out on the streets with my Birkenstocks and jean short cut-offs and I would see elderly women in their 70s fully dressed in lovely skirts and heels, full make-up, going to do their laundry or to the grocery store. It changed my life to see that.

  2. I have never felt beautiful. I mean, we I was younger, I didn’t have to buy my own drinks at the bar…but I was far from glamorous. Now…all these years later and I feel more beautiful than I ever have. My husband had told me every single day..sometimes more than once. how gorgeous I am. Every day. And he means it. He loves looking at me. That makes me feel pretty.

    1. Ahh Michelle — you found the right man. The right man is the key to feeling beautiful. And I suppose the same could be said for men who have women that cherish them. Good for you two!

  3. I relate completely to your post:) I have been getting a lot of compliments on my looks lately, and nothing has really changed physically – I am still the same height and weight as two or three years ago! But it’s the fact that I am truly happy with my life that radiates from my face, from my posture, from my stride.My chin is up, my hair bounces with each confident step, and I do not even try to hide the perpetual smile on my face:)

  4. I love that after almost ten years of being with my husband and gaining almost 100 pounds of “being comfortable weight” during that time, I have lost half of it, and am on my way to being where I was when we first met. Very exciting indeed! 🙂

  5. I love when a woman looks “pretty”! I live in a small town where a lot of us mommies/ wives are yoga pant, top knot wearing glorified chauffeurs. I do run and get dressed up everyday (mostly). It makes me feel good. It’s not for my husband as he is a vagina guy, not an ass or boob guy. Really likes vagina. I don’t even have to wax or shave if I don’t want to and he still thinks it’s the most beautiful vagine he’s ever seen. He says I could wear a sack and still be the hottest woman he’s ever seen. But, how he sees me, is a small fraction of the well of my self esteem. I feel beautiful, sexy, goddess-like all on my own and I like to reflect that. So, yes keeping my body healthy and getting fancy makes me feel desirable, beautiful and keeps our marriage hot. Btw, I really like this blog!

    1. Crystal hello. So nice to see you here. First can I say, you have an awesome husband! Any man who loves us clothed, unclothed, made up, made down, is a catch and a love. It’s funny. I was interviewed the other day on HuffPo Live about body image and a reader called in asking whether my body image was damaged by trying to compete with 20 year olds. And I realized I hardly think about 20 year olds and whether they’re more desirable than me. And then I realized the reason it’s a non-issue is because of my husband. He lets me know every day and in every way that he thinks I’m smoking hot and he wants me. So I think maybe I feel more attractive than I actually am. But I’ll take it!

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