The American Girl Doll Birthday Party Rip-Off
This doll bed cost more than my cesarean What is more wholesome than an American Girl Doll? There’s Josefina Montoya who tries to preserve what
This doll bed cost more than my cesarean What is more wholesome than an American Girl Doll? There’s Josefina Montoya who tries to preserve what
Other people’s kids suck! Because they’re hyper, foretelling a career jacking cop cars to sell for parts in Oaxaca while high on crank. Our kids
The Los Angeles Lakers showed up for the cesarean with my first child Clare. Okay. Not literally. My doctors – whom we’ll call Kobe and Shaq
Gestation: 38 Weeks, 2 Days The day before my baby’s birth I’ve officially broken the forty pound weight barrier, coming in on the scale today
Gestation: 35 Weeks, 6 Days The last few days it feels like Henry, Clare and I are doing everything as a threesome for the last
Gestation: 33 Weeks, 5 Days In the last ultrasound our baby’s profile looked like a small ape baby face AND our house has been destroyed.
Gestation: 31 weeks, 3 days Henry’s mad at me for being mad at him regarding what time he comes home from work, which is the
Gestation: 31 weeks, 4 days My world is spinning off its axis. My babysitter is leaving me.(Did I mention I’m a work-at-home-writer mom, which means
Gestation: 30 Weeks, 4 Days I’m worried I won’t love the new baby as much as I love my firstborn, Clare. I had a dream
Gestation: 29 Weeks, 5 Days Time: Noon Place: Santa Barbara Biltmore Activity: Solo weekend away Mental Condition: Foot loose and fancy free I’m sitting in
Gestation: 29 Weeks There’s a red-headed twenty-seven month-old Love Bully named Scarlet in Clare’s Toddler-and-Me class. Just our luck, she has it in for Clare.
Gestation: 27 Weeks, 4 Days In film school I made an eight millimeter film on female body image for my non-narrative film class. I decided
Gestation: 27 Weeks Here’s my sob story accompanied by violin in A minor: My parents divorced when I was two. Both remarried. My dad once and
Gestation: 24 Weeks, 1 Day It’s the Night of the Living Dead up in here. Henry and I went to bed at eight-thirty – it’s
Gestation: 23 Weeks All I want for Christmas is: 1. To keep the pregnancy boobs. 2. Nipple tassels for the pregnancy boobs that I can
Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never. It smells of tomatillos
Whaddaya mean you’re giving me a sibling? Gestation: 21 weeks Today I lifted my shirt to show 18-month old Clare my belly. “There’s a baby
Gestation: 20 Weeks 5 Days 1. You’re a bitch to your husband during pregnancy because he flattens himself against the wall like a minnow avoiding
Gestation: 19 Weeks, 6 Days I panicked during my amniocentesis today, which reminded me of a fat, gray seal I startled once while scuba diving.
Gestation: 18 Weeks, 6 Days — My Thanksgiving Top Ten 1. I’m thankful for the “three folds of the labia.” We’re having a girl! 2.
Gestation: 15 Weeks, Six Days I’ve been cruising for mommy friends like a red-assed baboon during mating season. I have a neighbor with a son
Gestation: 15 Weeks What no one tells pregnant women is that the only way to abate the continual nausea that drones in your body, akin to
Gestation: 14 Weeks, Two Days Today at the Pump Station in Santa Monica, the epicenter of breastfeeding worship, Sage, the counter matron, (okay, maybe her
Gestation: 12 Weeks, 6 Days I’m struggling with an intractable case of pregnancy insomnia. I haven’t wanted to write it down in black and white
Gestation: 12 Weeks, 4 Days I’m obsessed with The Sound of Music. I watch it compulsively, bursting into tears every time someone bursts into song.
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