This is the latest in my Husbands and Wives Series:
Me: Henry did you know that you spend about 85$ a week on buying salads at Whole Foods.
Henry: That’s impossible!
Me: Here, look, I collated and printed out our credit card statements, highlighting your salad bar bacchanal.
Henry: Wow, I didn’t realize.
Me: We have to cut back. No more ready made salads for you. You have to buy the head of lettuce and wash it just like all the normal saladarians do.
Henry: “Saladarian” isn’t a word.
Me: It is. It means salad addict.
Henry: Don’t try to distract me from noticing an $85 item here called Clarins Double Serum Complete Age Control Concentrate. What is that?
Me: It’s a skin care product.
Henry: It costs $85$??
Me: Yes, but it saved us $1,200.
Henry: How did it do that?
Me: Because now I won’t need a $1,200 photo facial, lip plumping, Botox treatment when I go out into the job market and try to pass myself off as a 38-year old so I can get a content provider job at some cool, cutting edge, youthful start-up company where I’ll earn upwards of $75,000 per year, which means that face serum actually really just saved us $76,200 per year if you really think about it. Wait, where are you going?
Henry: To Whole Foods to get a salad.