This is the latest in my Husbands and Wives Series
Me: “Let’s get a dog.”
Henry: “We already discussed this. Dogs are too expensive. You have to build a fence to keep them in, but they still end up digging under the gate and getting out and eating cats and old people and then you get sued and lose your house.”
Me: “Or you buy a dog that is so adorable that you’re approached by a Hollywood pet agent who begs you to bring your dog in for the latest Taco Bell spot because they’re sick of the tiny, malevolent chihuahua and prefer an Alaskan Malamute …”
Henry: “First of all Taco Bell is a Mexican-themed dining establishment and won’t use an Alaskan dog.”
Me: “I’m sure there are Alaskan dogs in Mexico.”
Henry: “A negligible amount.”
Me: “Who are you, Perry Mason?”
Henry: “Negligible!”
Me: “And so our Alaskan Malamute becomes famous, earns us lots of money and we can retire in relative comfort in the Valley with matching neck and eye lifts. And replaced knees. And we might finally be able to afford cocaine. Which, for your information, comes from Mexico.”
Henry. Nothing.
Me: “Say something.”
Henry: “I can’t. I’m having a brain aneurysm.”
A beat.
Me: “If we had a dog he could have sensed your brain aneurysm before it even began and bark so vociferously that the paramedics would hear and roar up, sirens blaring, gorgeous muscles flexing thus saving your life. Henry? Where are you going? … Just because you hid your face behind the door doesn’t mean I can’t see you! Henry?”
The End.
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