The latest in my Husbands and Wives Series.
Me: “Henry. Are you awake?”
He. Nothing.
Me: “Henry. Are you awake?”
He. Resting heart rate of 30. He’s dead.
Me: “Henry. You seem to be dead. So could you please get up and check the noise I heard in the front hallway that sounded like two assassins carrying a dead body rolled into a carpet? You’re dead anyway so it’s okay if you get killed.”
Henry: “The Ambien’s finally unhinged you.”
Me: “Shhh. I think I just heard someone whisper ‘Vinnie?’ right outside our bedroom door. Someone has to save the kids. You grab them while I climb out the window and I’ll meet you guys outside.”
Henry: “I’m feeling frisky.”
Me: “Yes, yes, danger arouses you. Use that energy and my pantyhose to garrote the villains who I believe are riffling through our pantry and eating our Chex Mix, which means they’re probably on a paranoid marijuana-fueled rampage. Henry, are you awake?”
Clare enters the room eating Chex Mix out of a bag. “Mom? I can’t sleep because Bridget keeps saying “Winnie” in her sleep. Who’s Winnie?”
Me: “She’s probably the dead body rolled into a carpet by the front door.”
Clare: “Why does daddy sleep with three pillows over his head?”
The End.
8 thoughts on “Husbands and Wives: The Dead Body In The Hallway”
And sometimes it’s just, “Shut the F#*^- up! So funny!!!
Exactement
It makes perfect sense that Henry risk his life when he is already dead — from eating too much salad!
It was the arugula that did it.
Leave it to Ambien and its effect on us to entertain our husbands!! I learned over time to only take 1/2 of a tablet because when I take a full one I have a bad problem with texting while on Ambien….pinteresting crazy things while on Ambien and waking up in something totally different than I had originally put on prior to going to bed….along with a few bruises on my legs from bumping into things while playing dress up in my closet. Haha
Jolene are you sure it’s the Ambien or are the neighbors drugging you like Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby??
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