Husbands and Wives: The Dead Body In The Hallway

1027756491The latest in my Husbands and Wives Series.

Me: “Henry. Are you awake?”

He. Nothing.

Me: “Henry. Are you awake?”

He. Resting heart rate of 30. He’s dead.

Me: “Henry. You seem to be dead. So could you please get up and check the noise I heard in the front hallway that sounded like two assassins carrying a dead body rolled into a carpet? You’re dead anyway so it’s okay if you get killed.”

Henry: “The Ambien’s finally unhinged you.”

Me: “Shhh. I think I just heard someone whisper ‘Vinnie?’ right outside our bedroom door.  Someone has to save the kids. You grab them while I climb out the window and I’ll meet you guys  outside.”

Henry: “I’m feeling frisky.”

Me: “Yes, yes, danger arouses you. Use that energy and my pantyhose to garrote the villains who I believe are riffling through our pantry and eating our Chex Mix, which means they’re probably on a paranoid marijuana-fueled rampage. Henry, are you awake?”

Clare enters the room eating Chex Mix out of a bag. “Mom?  I can’t sleep because Bridget keeps saying “Winnie” in her sleep. Who’s Winnie?”

Me: “She’s probably the dead body rolled into a carpet by the front door.”

Clare: “Why does daddy sleep with three pillows over his head?”

The End.

Sometimes it's this.
Sometimes it’s this. 
And sometimes it's this.
And sometimes it’s this.

8 thoughts on “Husbands and Wives: The Dead Body In The Hallway”

  1. Leave it to Ambien and its effect on us to entertain our husbands!! I learned over time to only take 1/2 of a tablet because when I take a full one I have a bad problem with texting while on Ambien….pinteresting crazy things while on Ambien and waking up in something totally different than I had originally put on prior to going to bed….along with a few bruises on my legs from bumping into things while playing dress up in my closet. Haha

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