Hint: Banish all Mice
It was 10 o’clock p.m. on a Friday night.
The kids were actually asleep.
Theoretically, Henry and I could’ve been rocking the sheets.
Instead, I was in the outdoor office trolling through Facebook.
Clicking on links that led to videos.
- Which somehow led to Catherine Dukes-of-Hazard Bach’s website
- Which led me to her online store where I contemplated whether or not I should buy a pair of her Daisy Duke cut-off shorts
- Which led me to her bio, where I read that her husband committed suicide
- Which led me to TMZ to find out why, but no one really has an answer, so I decided to lighten my mood by seeing what Tom Wopat’s been up to since DOH
- Which made me realize that old bastard’s been working his ass off in Hollywood while a fuller-figured Catherine Bach’s been seemingly sent out to pasture
- Which led me to google, “Aging Women In Hollywood”
- Which led to a HuffPo article about women aging out of the business and then I clicked to …
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the house, Henry sat channel-surfing the military channel by battles.
- Verdun
- The Battle of the Barbarossa
- Iwo Jima
- With an occasional sidetrack to The O Network, which instantly withers his testicles into tiny fragile little champagne grapes. (Deny it all you want, I know you watch Oprah’s Master Class, Henry. I know you do!!)
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Now, with so many apparatuses out there to keep us continually distracted, there is a direct impact on our sex lives.
Since I began blogging I’ve found that I can work around the clock if I don’t set any parameters for myself, and I’m certain I haven’t been as attentive to my husband’s needs as I should be.
The fact is, it’s much easier to engage in online relationships, because they don’t require the full attention, focus and energy it takes to maintain an intimate relationship with a partner.
So, how to have good sex?
No internet use after 8 p.m. And no more than two hours weekend days.
I don’t want my life online to ever become more vital and interesting than my actual life.
I’d love to know how you manage your time online, and also how you keep your sex life vibrant? (Besides finding sexual partners on Craig’s List, you minxes).
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6 thoughts on “How to Have Good Sex”
Rawr~ that photo is hot! Unfortunately I do most of my work online after the kids go to bed so I can’t unplug at 8pm. However, I do make it a point to get to bed when my husband does at least most nights. Even if we don’t do the deed we can cuddle…which often leads to sex. Ha!
You are spot on with this post.
We are living in a day and time where distractions like smart phones are murdering personal touch with the ones we are the closest to.
Be honest, who hasn’t laid down at night beside their lover and turned on their phone to check their facebook status?
I don’t know if the following remedies are what the good Dr. Feelgood would order for you but they work for me and mine.
This is a bit of a two part solution. You may choose to skip one but in doing so I cannot guarantee the same results.
This story starts a few years ago when I (with my busy schedule) would either cancel or pass on getting together with my lover (my wife) for a lunch or coffee during work hours. Didn’t she see that I was busy building an empire.
After cancelling for about the 20th time, my smarter wiser soul mate asked if I ever cancelled lunch with a client. Was she crazy? Of course I have never cancelled lunch with a client. They are in the calendar and the calendar shall not be changed.
She then suggested that I schedule lunch with her…in the calendar. I had never heard of such a thing. Schedule lunch with my wife…but who does that….and why didn’t I think of it. Brilliant.
For the next year we enjoyed lunch every Wednesday together, having fun without the distraction of our smart phones. I turn my phone off for important meetings with clients so why not turn it off for my wife.
There it was. A nice lunch. A quick kiss, and I was off to build my empire. What could be better?
As mentioned this is a two part scenario….
After about a year of enjoying our lunches together I had made a cheeky remark that we should go for some 😉 (winky face) dessert. And it was what followed next that made working for yourself a whole lot better.
“Why not” said my wiser, smarter, better half. “Your phone is still off…no distractions.”
Why was she so much smarter than me…why had I never thought of this…..but at this point I didn’t care for the answer…and like that, (snaps fingers) we were racing home for some good ole fashioned, roll in the hay “dessert”.
With phones still off we raced up the stairs and….well, we began a new chapter in our “date lunches”.
You see, the distractions will always be there. For us, it is easier to turn off for an hour during the day than it is at night….and even if we did turn them off at night we still have the 6 kids (4-17) that lurk around the house like ninjas.
So you will be happy to know that through all of this distraction I am still trying to build my empire…just with a few less hours every week.
Trevor this is awesomeness. I hope you don’t mind. But I’ll be sharing this in a post. I love it. And what a lucky wife. I also like your rather rakish profile pic. No wonder you two have 6 kids!
Please share away. I am enjoying contributing to your posts.
Profile Image – I call that my Miami Vice pic. And hey, what lady didn’t love a little Don Johnson back in the day 😉
Best sex advice I ever heard!
Yes,I think I will start calling hay rolls “Empire Building.” Just as soon as I click on this link that brings me to this other link that reminds that I want to check my phone before I pull up the covers……
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