Do These Panties Make me Look Fat?

sexy lingerie
Don’t you get cheeky with me!
Panties have been my secret superhero strength from age nineteen on.

In my twenties, the lacy black thong was my weapon of choice.

Feeling that thin filament of fabric between the heart-shaped globes of my derriere felt naughty, which suited my rapid-fire flight from the pews of the church of my childhood.

In my thirties, I matured into the boy short that rode low across my hipbones, enunciating the delicate curve of a still-concave tummy, and riding high across the ass in order to reveal a peek of cheeks beneath them.

My husband was particularly fond of a pair of pink, ruffled schoolgirl knickers I wore during our honeymoon in Amalfi, Italy.

I blame them for keeping us hotel-room-bound, rather than taking the bus tour to Pompeii.

Then, along came two babies and the forties arrived, as they must do, with a whimper, not a bang.

The ass held, much as Legolas and Viggo Mortensen held the Urukai at bay in Helm’s Deep. But my post-partum tummy was beginning to make a nuisance of itself.

First it was pouty, then petulant, ultimately evolving into the peevish prow it is today.

After haranguing and cajoling, threatening and extorting my belly to retreat, I’ve come to accept defeat and with it … the ignominious arrival of the high-waisted panty.

At first, I’d sunk so low as to actually wear what some might call Granny Panties.

You know the ones; tall and white and slippery and just tight enough to give almost any ass the appearance of a broad pancake.

The kind that should only be worn when you’re cast adrift on a raft from a sunken cruise liner, in order to flag down planes from a mile in the sky.

I wore those Grannies one entire year.
sexy lingerie
Where’s my bit and harness?

They had a slow, corrosive effect on my sense of self.

Each time I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror wearing those abominations, my libido died just a little.

And while my husband never openly complained, I would notice his eyes skitter to the floorboards like frightened mice every time I undressed.

I rounded the bend toward 50 and realized I wasn’t yet ready to give up the ghost of my Eternal Vixen, which is what made me Google:

“sexy high-waisted panties.”

My darlings, it was a virtual revelation!

A whole new world unfolded before me online, and it was the world of vintage.

Apparently, the 1950s were a time that high-waisted panties were sexy lingerie.

It was all Bettie Page, Jayne Mansfield, Betty Grable, and Marilyn Monroe up in there.

They proudly wore their black lace, high-waisted panties tricked out with garters and corsets and, in Bettie’s case, a ball-gag and bindings.

Could more coverage simply mean more; more mystery, more moxie, more mischief, more magic?

I just ordered five pairs of the Black Widow High Waist Scandal Panties from Bare Necessities yesterday. 

Who knows where they might lead me; perhaps into a seminal, sinfully sexy renaissance?

Perhaps to a place where I no longer refer to them as “panties,” which evokes a Toddlerian mien; but rather as “Jockeys” (I can ride), “Skivvies” (somehow piratical) and lingerie (suggestive of lingering).

I’ll be sure to keep you abreast of all developments. Which, quite naturally, leads to a meditation on the brassiere …

10 thoughts on “Do These Panties Make me Look Fat?”

  1. Surely you jest!!! Sexy high-wasted panties, I must see for myself. I just thought I would tell you this but whenever I try to visit your blog on my tablet I can’t get it. I don’t know why it just is a bunch of words and you can’t click on anything. I don’t know if you have a mobile theme or even what to tell you to do. I just know I miss out on alot of your stuff because I can never open it in the evenings. Off to look at panties now! Thanks for the tip!

    1. Hey Rena — thanks for letting me know about the tablet issue. I will send your comment to my tech guy. Perhaps this is part of the problem with my pageview drop these days. And yes! Google sexy high-waisted panties. You’re in for a surprise!!

  2. Shamelessly I wear lacy thongs, lacy boy shorts, lacy “cheekini” panties on my 53 year old marginally toned flattened ass. I love them They make me feel sexy and wanton even when I’m in my stretch pants, bathrobe, and teeshirt uniform for working at home.

  3. I’m just happy when I can find clean ones without having to dig through the clean laundry baskets….but this post…it makes me pine a bit for something nice.

  4. Shannon-

    I absolutely love your writing!

    I’m a “curvy” girl, and I get my lingerie from an online company by the name of Hips & Curves. My very favorite ones are the “caged back panties”- from the front, they look like a regular pair of bikinis. When you turn around, ooh la la! Very deep derrière cleavage, bound up by 6 thin ribbons and a bow. They drive men crazy! I highly recommend all the ladies here go check them out.


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