Anatomy of a Crime Scene

The Dangers of Volunteerism

Here’s what happens when an ordinary West Los Angeles mother of two volunteers at her children’s school to teach the 10-Minute Play to 15 1st graders after she forgot to eat lunch.

Blood sugar levels fall precipitously low triggering:

  • Shaking (students by the neck)
  • Fast heartbeat (followed by lying on the cafeteria table while the students fan her with Pee Chees)
  • Sweating (enough that the janitor has to come in and mop her brow)
  • Dizziness (resulting in the P.E. coach needing to administer mouth-to-mouth)
  • Feeling anxious (her husband might read this)
  • Hunger (for anything slathered in salted pork butt mixed with Nutella)
  • Vision problems (resulting in discovering 5th graders in the boy’s bathroom running an underground gambling ring)
  • Weakness (for the gaming tables)
  • Headache (from losing 50 large to a kid named Leonardo)
  • Feeling irritable (bowel syndrome)
(Oh sure they look cute, but they’ll bleed you dry!)

But that wasn’t the end of it.

After I packed up all the play notebooks and pencils and took the kids back to the Room 1 patio so they could find their parents I suggested to Clare and Bridget that we skip cooking dinner.

That’s when the real crime took place.  We snuck up, attacked and rapaciously rampaged:

  • 12 McDonald’s chicken nuggets
  • 3 bags of Mickey D fries
  • 1 sinfully delicious Club Sandwich.
  • 3 ice cream cones
  • 1 gin and tonic (no they don’t make those at McDonald’s – put your keys away).

6 thoughts on “Anatomy of a Crime Scene”

    1. Although really not to be outdone by sliders dripping in juicy mad cow disease THANKS A LOT BRITAIN. Between that and Simon Cowell you’ve sent us two a$%holes!

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