The Dangers of Volunteerism
Here’s what happens when an ordinary West Los Angeles mother of two volunteers at her children’s school to teach the 10-Minute Play to 15 1st graders after she forgot to eat lunch.
Blood sugar levels fall precipitously low triggering:
- Shaking (students by the neck)
- Fast heartbeat (followed by lying on the cafeteria table while the students fan her with Pee Chees)
- Sweating (enough that the janitor has to come in and mop her brow)
- Dizziness (resulting in the P.E. coach needing to administer mouth-to-mouth)
- Feeling anxious (her husband might read this)
- Hunger (for anything slathered in salted pork butt mixed with Nutella)
- Vision problems (resulting in discovering 5th graders in the boy’s bathroom running an underground gambling ring)
- Weakness (for the gaming tables)
- Headache (from losing 50 large to a kid named Leonardo)
- Feeling irritable (bowel syndrome)
But that wasn’t the end of it.
After I packed up all the play notebooks and pencils and took the kids back to the Room 1 patio so they could find their parents I suggested to Clare and Bridget that we skip cooking dinner.
That’s when the real crime took place. We snuck up, attacked and rapaciously rampaged:
- 12 McDonald’s chicken nuggets
- 3 bags of Mickey D fries
- 1 sinfully delicious Club Sandwich.
- 3 ice cream cones
- 1 gin and tonic (no they don’t make those at McDonald’s – put your keys away).
6 thoughts on “Anatomy of a Crime Scene”
Question- are you planning on winning back your 50 from Leonardo?
You might want to pack a granola bar in your purse next time. I know- I’m Captain Obvious.
hey frugalista — where can I pick up some freakin’ frugality?
You had me at slathered salted pork butt.
Although really not to be outdone by sliders dripping in juicy mad cow disease THANKS A LOT BRITAIN. Between that and Simon Cowell you’ve sent us two a$%holes!
If I don’t eat I get Hangry. :/
I love that “Hangry” – can I borrow it??
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