How Married Sex Changed When I Cheated Death
Henry turned 54 in August. Can this be true? I met him for the first time when I was 30 and he was 35. He was deliciously intelligent, and Quaker-proper. I instantly wanted to scandalize him, and think I still succeed in doing so almost nineteen years later.
He maintains a boyish profile, bearing a striking resemblance to that rugged, uber-masculine, swarthy, action hero man’s man, Tin Tin.
Yet I know the clock ticks shorter for the two of us.
My natural morbidity, coupled with a four-day business trip to Colorado in which I had a brief encounter with a tornado on the tarmac of the Denver International Airport whilst seated in a miniature American Eagle 50-passenger Bombardier CRJ700 facing certain death, ramped up my passions when I finally arrived home.
There I found my husband, just back from one child’s 4th grade Open House and the other’s Little League softball game, tidying up for my arrival. He welcomed me with a great deal of affection, but mostly with the gratitude of a man relieved to see his parent-pinch-hitter ready to step up to the bat.
That night, after the girls were off to bed and sleeping soundly, I soaked in a hot tub. As I decompressed, unexpected tears welled in my eyes. Somehow I’d fallen to wondering how many years Henry and I had left together. Ten? (if we were unlucky) Twenty? (still not enough) Thirty? (if our luck held) Forty? (if we’re the first zombies in the Apocalypse or cryogenically frozen.)
I was struck by the fleeting nature of life and our ephemeral love.
I came to bed humble and eager to embrace the man whose presence I take for granted day in and day out. Our lovemaking that night was different. It wasn’t really married sex at all. It was communion and connection. A loving pause in the rapid, surging, time-lapse photography of our lives.
I was reminded of one of my favorite passages from Roland Barthes’ A Lover’s Discourse, quoting French Philosopher, Denis Diderot: “Bring your lips to mine/so that out of my mouth/my soul may pass into yours.”
My darling, I breathe you in, I taste and touch you. I love you now, in our bodies at the midpoint, hurtling forward into the unknown. And, if I can have it my way, I’ll love you through to the other side. xo S
If you enjoyed this article you will love Shannon’s book, “Married Sex: Fact & Fiction.” You can order it HERE!