March 23rd, 2012
I frequently think I’m a sluggard. I mean what am I doing with my life? Am I doing enough? Shouldn’t I be more intelligent, successful, useful, worthy of just being alive?
I have a housekeeper who comes once a week. What kind of indictment is that upon my character? My husband usually makes breakfast for the kids that includes pancakes he makes using a freaking SIFTER! Who sifts? We have a gardener so I don’t have to mow the lawn or weed, which I used to do SINCE I WAS BORN (you know I did, dad. Don’t deny it!)
Then there’s the small issue of the gin-and tonic. I have one with dinner lately. I start to drink it when I begin cooking. I polish it off at dinner and it loosens me up just enough for me to take that extra helping of potatoes which I cooked for the kids, not for me because …
CARBOHYDRATES ARE A SIN!
I’m supposed to eat the arugula salad. And I do, with the potatoes on top. And cheese. And bacon bits. And some fat found in dumpsters outside of liposuction facilities. (ok I’m exaggerating). And that gin-and-tonic makes a very very tiny thimble-sized (x 10) ice cream cone seem like a good idea (dolce de leche). So I sit at the table eating my ice cream cone, sipping my gin and potatoes pinching the fat at my waist to see if it’s growing.
After all of this I don’t have the best opinion of myself. That judgmental voice – which I’ve knighted SIR NEGATIVE BASTARD – who has been nattering like … well … a gnat, is suddenly much louder. He’s like someone talking on a cell phone in the grocery line check-out. You don’t want to hear his conversation, but are forced to unless you are willing to shove a rolled-up People magazine down his throat.
Here’s what Sir Negative Bastard says, “You eat too much, you don’t have a real job, you should make more money, you’re lazy and spoiled. Henry is too good to you and you don’t deserve him. You also have a big ego and are really vain. I got more where that came from…”
So I did a little experiment and you should do it too. I wrote down everything I did in one week. Here’s what I came up with:
1. Took the girls to school Monday-Friday.
2. Took the car into the body shop and waited for a rental Monday.
3. Wrote 3 (800 word +) posts for TWFKAB Monday, Weds, Friday.
4. Wrote 1 450 word post for Aiming Low, Tues.
5. Wrote 2 (800 word+) posts for Huffington Post, Tuesday and Thursday.
6. Worked on what is going to be my second book (sometime in the next millennium).
7. Tried to network using social media throughout the week.
8. Picked the girls up from school Monday, Thursday, Friday.
9. Cooked dinner 5 nights. Made lunches 2 mornings.
10. Taught an Art Share class at my daughters’ elementary school called, “Writing the 10-Minute Play” for 30 kids on Tuesday.
11. Wrote a play for the kids to perform in the Art Share class on Monday.
12. Bought supplies from Staples for the Art Share class on Monday.
13. Stole some of Henry’s underwear for the Art Share class on Monday (shhh).
14. Drove up to Santa Barbara mid-week for family obligations with my mother and stayed overnight.
15. Took my grandma to breakfast while I was there.
16. Went to a surprise birthday party for my friend Glinda Friday morning.
17. Took Bridget to piano lessons Friday afternoon.
18. Attended Clare’s softball game Sunday.
19. Hosted 2 after school play dates Monday and Thursday.
20. Vacuumed and cleaned the house Sunday.
21. Grocery shopped twice, Trader Joes and Ralphs.
22. Read “Treasure Island” with Clare and “Charlotte’s Web” with Bridget on various nights.
23. Brushed, flossed, gym-ed, combed, plucked various whiskery places.
24. And I think I had un moment de amore with Henry somewhere in there.
25. I also breathed in and out and other bodily functions.
I don’t know about you, but just writing that wore me out. And here is the conclusion I came to. WE ARE DOING ENOUGH! Write that shit down and you’ll see.
In many cases we’re doing more than enough. So I think this Friday we should all GIVE OURSELVES A FREAKING BREAK. Do you deserve a break today? I think I might. I’m always measuring my internal worth by the external accomplishments of others. This weekend I think I’ll shed that onerous mantle.
CONTENTMENT IS NOT A SIN!
(maybe carbs aren’t either.)
My segment will air sometime during the 2-hour Today Saturday Weekend Edition. It’s on NBC 7-9 eastern time and 5-7 Pacific. I’m Tivoing it since I haven’t seen the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. since high school graduation at Disneyland when we stayed up all night and Ansel Dreck barfed on the Matterhorn because he’d been experimenting with diet pills as speed. Ah, those halcyon days.
Have a wonderful weekend and I hope to see you back here again on Monday. xo
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