Husbands and Wives: The Saladarians

This is the latest in my Husbands and Wives Series:

Me: Henry did you know that you spend about 85$ a week on buying salads at Whole Foods.

Henry: That’s impossible!

Me: Here, look, I collated and printed out our credit card statements, highlighting your salad bar bacchanal.

Henry: Wow, I didn’t realize.

Me:  We have to cut back. No more ready made salads for you. You have to buy the head of lettuce and wash it just like all the normal saladarians do.

Henry:  “Saladarian” isn’t a word.

Me: It is. It means salad addict.

Henry: Don’t try to distract me from noticing an $85 item here called Clarins Double Serum Complete Age Control Concentrate. What is that?

Me: It’s a skin care product.

Henry: It costs $85$??

Me: Yes, but it saved us $1,200.

Henry: How did it do that?

Me: Because now I won’t need a $1,200 photo facial, lip plumping, Botox treatment when I go out into the job market and try to pass myself off as a 38-year old so I can get a content provider job at some cool, cutting edge, youthful start-up company where I’ll earn upwards of $75,000 per year, which means that face serum actually really just saved us $76,200 per year if you really think about it.  Wait, where are you going?

Henry: To Whole Foods to get a salad.

The End.