Category: Tweens

Do You Bore Your Kid?

I have two daughters, 7 &9 One needs constant conversation and connection. The other is a day-dreamer who entertains herself with her own stories. The

Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Boobs On The Table!

Last night — I decided to play Monopoly with my daughters instead of allowing them to watch A Dolphin’s Tale for the fiftieth time. I

Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now.

This is not a funny one 2011 has been a difficult year for us and our extended family. Loss, diminishment, permanent change. My elegant grandma

The Santa Con

I’ve been eating my weight in candy cane cookies and want to be in denial. Instead, I feel compelled to plumb the labyrinthine depths to

What Happens When Harry Potter Is Just Too Scary!

I always forget that if my kids watch a scary movie this is where they end up! Thanks a lot Harry Potter!

Doesn’t She Know She Could Be In A Body Cast?

I lay in beside with my 9-year old Clare at bedtime. Something serious is troubling her. We’ve had several in-depth discussions about it already, but

I Hate Halloween!

9:11 p.m. Halloween Night … Sugar. No more sugar. Or corn syrup. Or malto-yickitomasmazoo. I am tired of costumes that are scratchy and too tight

How To Get Organized

Last night I had to kick some ass. There was mutiny afoot in our art supply cupboard. The f***ing pencils were A.W.O.L. and when they

Why TV is Good For Kids

I Love Lucy saved my life when I was a kid. My parents divorced when I was two. Today I wouldn’t have it any other

Will My Daughters Ever Love Each Other? (Sibling Rivalry)

All Hell Breaks Loose Clare and I were rolling around with our fat cat Marilyn Monroe on the bed I’ve been inhabiting with the flu

Do You Really Know Your Kids? Because I’m Clueless.

Just when you try to pigeonhole your kids, they change. This is Bridget (7): If tortured on a bed of red-hot nails I might encapsulate

Go The F#%k Back To School!

Here are the cretinous techno-monsters! They’re still here. In their bedrooms. In their pajamas. Beds unmade. Toys strewn. They’re bored. They’re addicted to technology. Their eyes glaze over, their

When The Drug Dealers Moved In Next Door

My grade schoolers now know this: “If you illegally sell marijuana the cops’ll bust you and throw you in the slammer where they’ll make you

I Don’t Want to Grow Up

One of my daughters wakes up crying and goes to sleep crying. My other daughter wakes up happy and goes to sleep happy. According to

The Kayak Trip to Hell and Starbucks

Why do OLD PARENTS think they can do a lot of stuff? Meaning me and Henry. Because we decided to take the girls down to

A Colleary Christmas – 2009 Cast of Characters: S – Shannon (44): Fairly well-preserved wife/mother/writer/controversial AYSO soccer referee and pseudo intellectual. Prone to occasional bouts of grandiosity.