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Which is Better? “Normal Barbie” or “Real-Life Barbie?”

Will "Normal Barbie" stave off eating disorders for little girls?  I certainly hope so.

Will “Normal Barbie” stave off eating disorders for little girls? I certainly hope so.

Barbie’s gotten a lot of flack over the last decade for having body proportions that are anatomically impossible. Her Highness of Vapidity has even been accused of creating body image issues which can lead to anorexia, bulimia and death. (And here I was just worried my daughters might dabble in drugs and paramilitary training).

That’s a lot of responsibility to place on Barbie’s bony shoulders, but I must admit I was thrilled to learn that artist Nicolay Lamm has created a line of Barbies called “Normal Barbie” in the hopes of staving off certain doom for our girls.

I’m not entirely sure how or if Barbie contributed to my Body Dysmorphic Disorder, but she certainly couldn’t have helped as my Ken doll found her impossibly desirable and had many trysts with her under my bedsheets with only a flashlight (held by me) for flattering lighting. Now that I’ve managed to kind of gross you out with my pubescent perversions I wonder what you think of “Normal Barbie.” Yea? Or nay?

There’s another great article on the topic at Dying to be Barbie.

Also, I just recently became aware of Valeria Lukyanova, a Ukraine model who has undergone several surgeries and some very strange contact lenses to become a human Barbie.

I couldn’t stop myself from engaging in a photo-viewing orgy on her Facebook page and can’t tell if I’m in love with her or frightened she’ll hide under my bed and steal my tummy fat to inject into her cheeks if I sleep too soundly.

Recently Valeria proclaimed she plans to become a Breatharian. A person who only survives on sunlight and, well, air. Wonder how that’ll work out?

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This is Valeria whose blank stare chills my blood. In fact, my bladder just let go.

This is Valeria whose blank stare chills my blood. In fact, my bladder just let go.



5 comments

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  1. Serena Belva
    Serena Belva 6 March, 2014, 12:12

    I like Real-Life Barbie. Barbie shouldn’t get all the flack for being disproportionate though. My inner child would definitely choose comforting Normal Barbie over those Bratz dolls. They scare me.

    I have been following Valeria for awhile. I watched some of her Youtube videos. She says some of the most enlightened-sounding things… and then in the next breath she makes very little sense and is super creepy. She is certainly an intriguing person.

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  2. Rosie Carrillo
    Rosie Carrillo 6 March, 2014, 15:19

    Real Life Barbie, please. As for Valeria, she made my stomach churn, when I first saw/read about her. I hope she is doing what makes her happy, but I would be curious to see her in another 30 years. How will the restructuring do with age? I hope her dreams are being fulfilled, it would be a shame otherwise.

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  3. Doug Smith
    Doug Smith 7 March, 2014, 17:02

    Real life Barbie for sure. I had never heard of Valeria before now. She is totally unreal. Definitely do not let her get under your sheets.

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  4. Natalie D
    Natalie D 11 March, 2014, 08:51

    RL Barbie, all the way. Except is it me, or does her neck now make her look squatty? Maybe I just have a super-long neck, so it looks strange.
    And come on, EVERYONE played with Barbie & Ken under the sheets. Right?
    Right?

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    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 11 March, 2014, 09:36

      Ken and Barbie had the ultimate safe sex as they’re fashioned from the same substance as condoms.

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