Like Nora Ephron I feel bad about my neck.
By referencing Nora Ephron, an accomplished filmmaker and novelist, I’m trying to suggest that even really smart accomplished women feel bad about their necks and I might be one of those.
Should I feel bad about my neck?
Am I shallow if I feel bad about my neck? Should I simply avoid looking into the mirror while direct sunlight illuminates my neck in its early stages of decrepitude?
Should I take up monastic tapestry weaving? Should I become a Tibetan sherpa? Should I fix the ozone instead of wasting a moment on my neck?
Oh, who am I kidding.
When I turned 45 I had a brow lift, which I love like Elizabeth Taylor loved Richard Burton. Illicitly. Wantonly. With no remorse.
So. I’ve been embezzling money over the last several months from the family grocery fund and sliding it into a manilla envelope marked, “Shannon’s Neck” in my desk drawer (let them eat canned tuna!) when I got an email from the managing director of Ulthera and I quote:
“Ultherapy is a new type of non-surgical, non-invasive procedure for the face that uses ultrasound and the body’s own natural healing process to lift, tone, and tighten loose skin.”
And it was FDA approved in September 2009.
This was the exact procedure I’d been pilfering away our corn-nut money for.
A deal was struck. The managing director of Ulthera would offer a complimentary treatment if I’d review it in my blog.
Initially I was thrilled. Henry might get a Father’s Day gift after all, but then I became suspicious.
Free neck tightening? All I have to do is review the procedure either negatively or positively? What’s wrong with this picture?
Seconds later I found myself on a site where there were women whose necks (and faces) had been destroyed by various anti-aging machines. I began to waffle. Then I ate a waffle. Then I thought, oh what the hell just go in for the consultation.
Henry was kind enough to come with me. He’s from New Jersey and he’s a man. They don’t care about neck tightening. Not their own, or their wives.
So, if he told me this was absurd I’d listen. And then forget what he said and do what I want anyway because I’m Lucy and he’s Ricky minus the bongos and the accent (and hopefully the cheating).
When I walked into the offices of Dr. Rebecca Fitzgerald MD I fell instantly in love.
She’s originally from New Orleans and has a charming Southern drawl and says things like this:
“I get a lot of recently widowed women in here because a woman who buries her husband doesn’t want to see tomorrow’s obituary in the mirror today.”
“Ultratherapy is like Spanx for your face.”
After a good hour of explaining the science behind Ulthera, I made an appointment to undergo the procedure on Monday.
There will be pain killers involved so that’s a plus. I plan to report back here all of my findings. Yes, I will be your guinea pig. That’s my sacrifice for the greater good.
Please, there’s no need to canonize me. A bouquet of jacaranda will suffice. Onward and upward!
29 thoughts on “My Ultherapy Before and After Photos to Come!”
Oh goody gum drops! I need- tummy tuck, lipo, waddle reduction, and maybe an eye lift. I too will siphon my Hamburger Helper money into a secret envelope.
Good luck! I can’t wait to hear the results. do this because of you. Because, no one else feels you need a tighter neck, but it makes you happy. We like to feel photoshopped in every day life.
My neck thanks you Rebecca.
I am myself terrified of any and all kind of procedures, but am voyeurishly looking forward to reading your review. Good luck!
I’ll let you know. The doctor I’m going to was selected by Ulthera so my hope is they’ve sent me to the best.
Oy! I don’t know that I could do this but I definitely want to read about how it goes and see the results. The only kind of plastic surgery I’d like to get is a tummy tuck but I’m a complete chicken….
There are a lot of things I’d like to change about my appearance but not enough to undergo surgery for any of them. I don’t understand how anyone could let someone stick foreign objects in their bodies to look “perfect” or have someone slice them up to smooth out wrinkles. And I live in Orange County. Good luck though. I hope you don’t die or look hideous afterwards. Seriously. To each their own, I just don’t understand it. (I probably belong in Vermont.)
Mari — the “I probably belong in Vermont” cracked me up. I’m with you on “to each their own.”
OMG Shannon, thank you, I thought I had to be the guinea pig on this one. I almost had the procedure done on my frown line and chin but I chickened out last minute. Can’t wit for your report!! Although u probably won’t see full results for another three months. Let me know how bad the pain is! Greetings from Beirut!
Beirut? Yes, I will let you know how it goes. I’m judging myself for being a vain cow, but I’m also tempted.
I’ve never had plastic surgery…yet. I’m scared of doctors as it is. But the deeper into my 40’s I get, the more my wrinkles and sags compete with my fear for attention. I’m not kidding: Please tell me how this goes. I will file the info away for consideration.
I will be entirely forthcoming. I was quite reticent regarding any cosmetic procedures until I went to my GP two years ago to get the okay to undergo my brow lift. I thought he would chastise me for putting myself at risk, but he did quite the opposite and told me that half of the people in his practice had had plastic surgery and were happy with the results. I began to think I could have my cake and could eat it too. We shall see.
I’d like to Ulthera my entire body from the neck on down please.
I’ve been reading that it’s actually quite painful. Yipe.
Thank you for taking one for the team. Let me know how it is!!
I’m doing this one for the Gipper. Certainly not my own vanity.
I am going to be holding my breath and waiting for results. I hate my turkey neck. Don’t know who all this extra skin belongs to but you could make a purse out of it. If this works, I am going to be scoring parking lots for lose coins to save up.
I’ll keep you in the loop dear Jana.
You’re not a vain cow. You’re doing this for the greater good. Sheesh ;o)
Caryl – you understand me…
Well, I’m also doing it for me.
I’m so excited that you are having this done. I’ve been really thinking about the brow lift thing. You look great, but I’m with you on the procedures to make you look better and feel better about yourself. Thanks for being such a brave soldier and doing it so I’ll know about it!!
Hi Carol — I’m pleased to be the guinea pig. I feel like I’m in excellent hands.
I hope you love the results! Keep us posted!
Oh, this is exciting: because I once read that you can do NOTHING for the neck and so this is exciting.
And you know who is waiting with baited breath to find out if this is true or not?
kathie lee gifford.
Oh, yeah….check her out..
I will show you my neck in August so you can judge for yourself!
naturally like your website but you need to test the spelling on quite
a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I to find it very bothersome to
tell the truth however I’ll definitely come again again.
Drat. I hate typos. Will go look around and see what I’m missing.
Comments are closed.