I frequently think I’m a sluggard.
I mean what am I doing with my life? Am I doing enough? Shouldn’t I be more intelligent, successful, useful, worthy of just being alive?
I have a housekeeper who comes once a week. What kind of indictment is that upon my character?
My husband usually makes breakfast for the kids that includes pancakes he makes using a freaking SIFTER! Who sifts?
We have a gardener so I don’t have to mow the lawn or weed, which I used to do SINCE I WAS BORN (you know I did, dad. Don’t deny it!)
Then there’s the small issue of the gin-and tonic.
I have one with dinner lately. I start to drink it when I begin cooking. I polish it off at dinner and it loosens me up just enough for me to take that extra helping of potatoes which I cooked for the kids, not for me because …
CARBOHYDRATES ARE A SIN!
I’m supposed to eat the arugula salad. And I do, with the potatoes on top. And cheese. And bacon bits. And some fat found in dumpsters outside of liposuction facilities.
And that gin-and-tonic makes a very very tiny thimble-sized (x 10) ice cream cone seem like a good idea (dolce de leche).
So I sit at the table eating my ice cream cone, sipping my gin and potatoes pinching the fat at my waist to see if it’s growing.
After all of this, I don’t have the best opinion of myself.
That judgmental voice – which I’ve knighted SIR NEGATIVE BASTARD – who has been nattering like … well … a gnat, is suddenly much louder.
He’s like someone talking on a cell phone in the grocery line check-out. You don’t want to hear his conversation, but are forced to unless you are willing to shove a rolled-up People magazine down his throat.
Here’s what Sir Negative Bastard says:
“You eat too much, you don’t have a real job, you should make more money, you’re lazy and spoiled. Henry is too good to you and you don’t deserve him. You also have a big ego and are really vain. I got more where that came from…”
So, I did a little experiment and you should do it too. I wrote down everything I did in one week. Here’s what I came up with:
1. Took the girls to school Monday-Friday.
2. Took the car into the body shop and waited for a rental Monday.
3. Wrote 3 (800 word +) posts for TWFKAB Monday, Weds, Friday.
4. Wrote 1 450 word post for Aiming Low, Tues.
5. Wrote 2 (800 word+) posts for Huffington Post, Tuesday and Thursday.
6. Worked on what is going to be my second book (sometime in the next millennium).
7. Tried to network using social media throughout the week.
8. Picked the girls up from school Monday, Thursday, Friday.
9. Cooked dinner 5 nights. Made lunches 2 mornings.
10. Taught an Art Share class at my daughters’ elementary school called, “Writing the 10-Minute Play” for 30 kids on Tuesday.
11. Wrote a play for the kids to perform in the Art Share class on Monday.
12. Bought supplies from Staples for the Art Share class on Monday.
13. Stole some of Henry’s underwear for the Art Share class on Monday (shhh).
14. Drove up to Santa Barbara mid-week for family obligations with my mother and stayed overnight.
15. Took my grandma to breakfast while I was there.
16. Went to a surprise birthday party for my friend Glinda Friday morning.
17. Took Bridget to piano lessons Friday afternoon.
18. Attended Clare’s softball game Sunday.
19. Hosted 2 after school play dates Monday and Thursday.
20. Vacuumed and cleaned the house Sunday.
21. Grocery shopped twice, Trader Joes and Ralphs.
22. Read “Treasure Island” with Clare and “Charlotte’s Web” with Bridget on various nights.
23. Brushed, flossed, gym-ed, combed, plucked various whiskery places.
24. And I think I had un moment de amore with Henry somewhere in there.
25. I also breathed in and out and other bodily functions.
I don’t know about you, but just writing that wore me out.
And here is the conclusion I came to. WE ARE DOING ENOUGH! Write that shit down and you’ll see.
In many cases we’re doing more than enough. So I think this Friday we should all GIVE OURSELVES A FREAKING BREAK.
Do you deserve a break today? I think I might. I’m always measuring my internal worth by the external accomplishments of others. This weekend I think I’ll shed that onerous mantle.
CONTENTMENT IS NOT A SIN!
(maybe carbs aren’t either.)
ALSO something cool happened.
The Today show decided to do a segment on my body dysmporphia disorder work which began as a story HERE, continued as a story HERE and finished as a story HERE.
My segment will air sometime during the 2-hour Today Saturday Weekend Edition.
It’s on NBC 7-9 eastern time and 5-7 Pacific. I’m Tivo-ing it since I haven’t seen the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. since high school graduation at Disneyland when we stayed up all night and Ansel Dreck barfed on the Matterhorn because he’d been experimenting with diet pills as speed.
Ah, those halcyon days.
Have a wonderful weekend and I hope to see you back here again on Monday. xo The un- Loser.
21 thoughts on “What To Do When You Feel Like a Loser!”
The Today Show! That is very, very cool! I’ll be setting the DVR for that one.
And you are very funny–Love the comparison of Sir Negative Bastard to the cell phone talker at the grocery store. That’s a good one.
Great post.
That Negative Bastard owns rhe left libe of my brain.
I have felt the same way here! My husband does a lot (he kinda rocks) so I feel that guilt allllll the time. Thanks for the reminder that maybe I am not that bad after all…maybe.
I haven’t gotten past the sifting flour. I haven’t done that since I was a ewe one in my grandma’s kitchen.
Congrats on the Today show!
Your entire post cracked me up. I love your writing! Gosh… what an important lesson you reminded me of… STOP basing our self-worth over the external accomplishments of others. I need to write down a list because (like you) I’m spoiled with a house cleaner and a helpful husband and have that same nagging voice. I love that you call your nagging voice “Sir Negative Bastard!”
Uggh. Now I feel like I’m not doing enough. Congratulations on the Today Show!!!
I don’t have the energy to write a list of everything I’ve done and accomplished this week. That says enough. lol
I’m DVRing the Today show! I’m so excited!
And holy cow, Sir Negative Bastard is our mutual acquaintance! He comes and visits me during the week, too.
I think it’s funny your drink is gin and tonic. That is mine…I didn’t think anyone drank gin these days.
Just another reason I love you.
Hmmm my Sir Negative Bastard is named “My Inner Bitch”. ‘Cuz she bitches at me behind my back and in my ear non stop if I let her. She’s really mean. I now send her out for coffee and a donut when she gets like that…or put her in the closet…. and tell her she can’t come out or back until she’s nice to me. Took her a long time at first to straighten her ass out.
Great post! I wrote a long list like that once because I was furious at my husband for doing nothing!! I did everything! Well, 90%. It’s better now. I’m over it.
I am on the east coast so I will for sure be watching!
Wow… you did more than most people do in a month. Don’t beat yourself up…. you are a SUPER MOM! Enjoy your gin and tonic.
Reading your list and realizing that you’re just an amazing mom, wife and mother and also a great writer. Thanks for reminding us that as women to make lists to remind us how wonderful we really are.
Thanks Eva! Take THAT nb
Congrats on the Today Show!! What a busy week!
Thanks Shelby. Excited about the Today show.Still wondering how to make a living at this. Sigh.
WOW! I wish I had that much ambition! LOL And congrats on The Today Show!
Wow congrats on the Today show and I so need to make a list of my own.
Thank you for writing this, it is exactly what I needed to hear. I can’t do everything, but I’m already doing a lot!
You are doing a lot. We really forget most of the things we do because we’re so busy. Now I have to fold two loads of laundry. I HATE SOCKS!
WOW!!!!!!!!!! You are fabulous Shannon in so many, many ways! You always make me smile and laugh. Congratulations on The Today Show!
Thanks Theo. I miss you!!
Congrats on the Today Show!!!!
No, carbs are not a sin. Just aim for a happy balance between carbs/fat & contentment/vanity. That ought to do the trick. Speaking of which I think I’ll go for a run at lunch break today to balance the carbohydrate intake caused by stress and deadline panic.
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