Monday Paralysis in Cougar Town

I woke up this morning utterly paralyzed by all of the things I need to do, or think I need to do, or can’t remember if I need to do, or in what order I need to do.

Cook healthy food for the entire week, so I won’t just eat marshmallows and tequila (which is edible).

Weigh myself to see if I’ve gained weight, and do something about it if I have.

Gargle.

Exercise in some new way that scares my body enough to up its metabolism.

Brush my teeth and my dental guard.

Write a post that is good, grammatically erudite, honest and true (and hopefully viral, because that’s easy to do).

Set up my video shoot in my outdoor office, praying I can figure out how to make it sound and look good, even though I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.

Tout my site across social media in a way that is hopefully not obnoxious and desperate.

Scrape my gums with that rubber pointy thing.

Read other people’s stories so I can seem unselfish and helpfully comment so people will like me.

Get my computer fixed for too much money, which I’ll have to steal from my children’s safes.

Create a new email address because apparently aol means I’m old, obsolete and undesirable.

Floss.

Go back to bed.

Any Monday paralysis for you?