“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

photo of books Into the Child and Smash Crash and Burn
photo of books Into the Child and Smash Crash and Burn
photo of Shannon and the book, Married Sex
photo of Shannon and the book, Married Sex

Conversations with Henry: Why I’m Better Than My Husband

Sunday Night. Midnight.

Me: Henry, can you get out of bed and set the house alarm?

Him: You were the last one in bed, you set the house alarm. I’m too exhausted.

Me: You’re too exhausted from napping all day?

Him: I was only napping all day because I was on duty all week while you were on deadline and our children sucked the blood from my veins. I barely have any platelets left and without them I’ll die and then who will clean the kitty litter box?

Me: Those furry f$#king prima donnas will learn to poop outside.

Him: Speaking of which I’m exhausted from the dream I had last night where there was a toilet filled to the rim with poop and I had to clean it and it wasn’t even my poop because of the cats, your irritable bowel …

Me: Why do my bowels always have to take the fall?

Him: … and our daughters both being in diapers.

Me: Our daughters haven’t both worn diapers for seven years!

Him: I’m suffering Post Traumatic Shit Disorder. Which is exhausting.

Me: I’m exhausted just hearing how exhausted you are. And quit trying to disorient me by shining the reading lamp on your bald spot.

Him: That’s right! I’m going bald, which is also exhausting.

Me: I’m exhausted from growing my hair to make into a toupee for you!

A very long silence.

Me: This silence is exhausting.

More silence.

Me: I’ll give you sex if  you get up and set the house alarm.

Him: Will you stay awake throughout?

Me: I can’t promise throughout, but definitely in the beginning.

Him: Done.

Automated Voice: Armed to Night!

So fing tired 4pic

M and Me so fing tired twopic

So fing tired fourpic

Me and Michael so fing tiredpic

We're are so fing tired1pic

Tags assigned to this article:


Write a comment
  1. Serena Belva
    Serena Belva 7 October, 2013, 12:19

    The last photo caption made me laugh out loud in the library! People stared at me.

    Reply this comment

Write a Comment

Your e-mail address will not be published.
Required fields are marked*