The Last Ark of The Covenent
Will My Daughters Ever Love Each Other? (Sibling Rivalry)
All Hell Breaks Loose Clare and I were rolling around with our fat cat Marilyn Monroe on the bed I’ve been inhabiting with the flu
Felled By The Flu
Sick. Fluey, coldish, hacky. Blech. This is really getting in the way of my world domination. How am I supposed to pillage, flank, conquer, vanquish,
The Clitoris: Does Size Really Matter?
Author’s note: (In this post I will use Google-recommended euphemisms for the word VAGINA. They will be written ALL IN CAPS) Henry has informed me
Do You Really Know Your Kids? Because I’m Clueless.
Just when you try to pigeonhole your kids, they change. This is Bridget (7): If tortured on a bed of red-hot nails I might encapsulate
My Unnatural Fixation With Gavin DeGraw
I’m obsessed with Gavin DeGraw. I had no idea who Gavin DeGraw was until he got beaten up in New York and my morbid curiosity
Requiem For a Heavyweight
September 16th, 2011 At 9 a.m. my stepfather Guido (yes, Guido, will all the ardor for life that implies) passed away due to the repercussions
I Know It’s Not Modern, But I’m In Love With My Husband
Henry (not his real name, his real name’s … Britannicus Maximus) — — drove up to Santa Barbara from our home in L.A. today to
How to Respond When a Child Prefers One Parent (And It’s Not You!)
My eighteen month-old toddler Clare prefers her daddy more than me. There it is. In black-and-white for all to see. A public indictment of my
Go The F#%k Back To School!
Here are the cretinous techno-monsters! They’re still here. In their bedrooms. In their pajamas. Beds unmade. Toys strewn. They’re bored. They’re addicted to technology. Their eyes glaze over, their
When The Drug Dealers Moved In Next Door
My grade schoolers now know this: “If you illegally sell marijuana the cops’ll bust you and throw you in the slammer where they’ll make you
I Don’t Want to Grow Up
One of my daughters wakes up crying and goes to sleep crying. My other daughter wakes up happy and goes to sleep happy. According to
Tonight’s The Night, Baby
Last night was going to be The Night. I felt a lurking presence behind me as I Googled “Thesaurus” trying to find a better word