Marriage Advice & Stories

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The Man You Want May Already Be In Your Bed

Friday night our daughters Bridget and Clare both had sleepovers elsewhere. They were gone by 5:30 p.m. and were not to return until the following morning. Henry and I were home alone for the first time since the new millennium.

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What I Wish I’d Known Before My Wedding! (Photos)

I managed to convince Henry to marry me on May 27th, 2001. It only took me five years to get him to do it. Granted three of those years we were just friendly acquaintances and I was trying to get

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Should Marriage and Pornography Get In Bed Together?

All people in this post are amalgams of people I know, so if you think this is about you … it probably is. My dear friend, henceforward known as Crystal, (a name I used once to great effect) called me

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Happy Father’s Day: An Image Is Worth a Thousand Words

This is what makes a father great: To my own dear dad on Father’s Day…

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11 Wedding Anniversaries In Photos

More Than a Decade of Marriage! Sunday Henry and I celebrated eleven years of marriage by gorging on red meat and tippling mescal while I blew my fluey nose into cloth napkins at Boa in Santa Monica. Here Are One

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Fifty Shades of Wife Dominatrix

“I want you to dominate me!” I announce to Henry. “Wha…?” Henry’s asleep. It’s midnight on Sunday. I’ve flipped on the light switch. He blinks at me mole-ishly from his protective, fetal position under the duvet. “I want to be

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Things to do at The Grand Canyon (Lose Your Shizz)

I lost my marbles on the train platform at The Grand Canyon Saturday. Actually, a more astute phrase might be, “I went batshit crazy” aka “I channeled Mega Bitch” (who beds down with Mega Death, but that’s another story). I

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When Did I Know My Husband Was A Good Man?

I chose to date one or two … hmmm … how shall we say … “challenging” men? Yes. That was definitely my first word of choice. For example, a certain fireman I dated (don’t be blinded by how hot they

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Crystal the Porn Star and Other Ignominies

“I’ve looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me.” — Jimmy Carter Freakin’ Jimmy Carter, man, he lays it out there. Okay, so I’ve had

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My Last Post On Blogspot! aka Batwoman Says Good-bye

This will be my last post on Blogspot! (In case the title was ambiguous or you’re on crack and can only hear the high-pitched whistles dogs howl at). I have no feelings about Blogspot except it seems to have a

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I Know It’s Not Modern, But I’m In Love With My Husband

Henry (not his real name, his real name’s … Britannicus Maximus) — — drove up to Santa Barbara from our home in L.A. today to pick up our kids at my mom’s house where they and I have been frolicking

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Jealous of that Bastard Daddy!

My eighteen month-old toddler Clare loves her daddy more than me. There it is. In black-and-white for all to see. A public indictment of my mothering skills. C: “What’s she doing here?” H: “Just ignore her and maybe she’ll go away.” For

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Tonight’s The Night, Baby

Last night was going to be The Night.  I felt a lurking presence behind me as I Googled “Thesaurus” trying to find a better word for “engorgement” (don’t ask) on the internet. I turned to see Henry standing behind me. He

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Man Garage

A Love Relationship Gone Wrong When we first moved into our home, the garage was where we kept the car overnight. But as the years went by, my husband shoved more and more things inside to the point the car

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10th Wedding Anniversary

Shhhh.  I’m at the San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara for my 10th wedding anniversary. Don’t tell anyone who might try to find me. Including my kids and husband. I’m alone. I am still married. I think. Kidding. I’m still

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Alcohol Cravings

Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never. It smells of tomatillos and pinto beans con queso, deep-fried corn tortilla chips and freshly blended Jose Cuervo 1600

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