“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

Opt-in to the Shannon Colleary Communiqué to have both the Funny & the Wise delivered to your inbox weekly!

1 Woman + Three Marriages = 33 Wisdom Bites

Porn StarI have had that marital prodigy/libertine Michelle Combs on my site before writing Do You Need Code Language For Sex Because Your Toddler Will Say Blow Job When Your Mother-In-Law Comes Over? I had to have her back again for this fantastic epistolary diatribe, her insouciant way of coping with divorce. Michelle writes:

My husband and I had our 17th wedding anniversary this year and I am thrilled that this marriage didn’t tank like the first two did. I don’t know if I got better at marriage or just tired.

I have learned a few things from my multiple marriages and now I would like to impart this wisdom to you. Someone should benefit from my failures.

1. Some people will judge you if you’ve been married multiple times.
2. Fuck those people.
3. Not literally.
4. Unless you really want to. It’s not my business.
5. Ending a marriage doesn’t mean all your problems will disappear. The only problem that will be solved is being in a bad marriage.
6. You will probably lose some friends.
7. Two failed marriages doesn’t have to mean you’re bad at marriage.
8. Ending a relationship, even shitty ones, is painful.
9. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you feel bad about leaving a situation that you hated.
10. People will talk about your failed marriages behind your back.
11. Their opinions are not your business.
12. Staying in a bad marriage because you don’t want to look like a failure is kind of dumb.
13. By ‘kind of’ I mean ‘extremely.’
14. Your kids will be fine. Just love them and be there for them. They want you to be happy.
15. Being financially dependent on another person is an uncomfortable place to be if you have a rocky marriage.
16. Even a good marriage is not hearts and flowers and baby angels riding on unicorns every day.
17. Some days the heart stops beating, the flowers die, the baby angels grow fangs and the unicorn kicks you.
18. It’s okay to have days like that.
19. It’s not okay to have years like that.
20. You don’t have to be miserable all the time.
21. You deserve to be accepted for who you are.
22. Maybe in some cases, opposites do attract…but having common interests goes a long way toward a happy marriage.
23. Trust is king.
24. Knowing your spouse always has your back is royalty as well.
25. Laughing at shit that doesn’t matter eliminates at least half the fights.
26. Fighting fair is important. No using insecurities against each other. No pitting the kids against each other.
27. If you’re being a dick about something (and we all know when we’re being dicks) then own up to it and say you’re sorry.
28. Don’t keep score. There’s no prize for that, other than resentment and heartache.
29. Recognize when you have to be the strong one and give your spouse a chance to wallow if they need it.
30. Don’t always try to be the strong one.
31. Respect each other’s boundaries.
32. Don’t get your panties wadded up over stupid shit. Accept that there will always be differences and learn to work around them.
33. Stop touching the thermostat, it’s perfect where it is.

So, there you have it. 33 things I learned from being a serial marrier

I have spent a lot of time being embarrassed by my Junior Elizabeth Taylor status, but I’ve decided to give that up. I am where I am. I get to claim my past without excuses or explanations. I’m of the opinion that if you want to judge a person’s life…perhaps you should open up all your closet doors as well.

It’s only fair.

michelle Combs guest subMichelle Poston Combs is a blogger who lives in the Midwest with her husband and her youngest son. She is at the precipice of learning to live with an empty nest which she finds both terrifying and exhilarating.

Her blog, Rubber Shoes In Hell, is where she writes about topics ranging from awkward conversations with strangers to learning how to overcome being an adult child of a narcissist.

She programs computers to pay the bills and counters this soul sucking endeavor by writing her observations on life, menopause, anxiety and whether or not she is truly on her way to losing her mind.

You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

Tags assigned to this article:
divorcemarriagemommomsparentingthird marriage


Write a comment
  1. Rena McDaniel
    Rena McDaniel 10 September, 2014, 20:16

    This so funny but true, thanks for taking 2 for the team!

    Reply this comment

Write a Comment