“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

Opt-in to the Shannon Colleary Communiqué to have both the Funny & the Wise delivered to your inbox weekly!

When You’re Over 45 You Might Need To Have The “Second Talk”

It’s June 27th, 1975

My 10th birthday. Will I get a fast growing hair Barbie? I rip through the Snoopy wrapping paper to discover … Sweet Suzie’s Starter Menstruation Kit. WTH?

“Go ahead, honey, open it,” says my mom, face shining beatifically as if I were the first female astronaut.

(Perhaps foreshadowing Lisa Nowak wearing her premeditated murder diaper circa 2007).

Then mom and I proceed to have the “First Talk” about when Flo comes to town. You can imagine my sense of betrayal that once a month, every month, for the rest of my childbearing years I’d have to forego drowning my brothers in a friendly game of Marco Polo in the backyard pool.

Guess what? Very soon I’ll be able to drown my brothers any time of the month I choose because I’m 47-years old, and it’s time my mother and I should have the “Second Talk”: What to expect during Menopause.

Here’s what I know about menopause from Oprah.

It will be the worst thing that’s ever happened in your mother-loving life.

  • Hot flashes.
  • Insomnia.
  • Depression.
  • Vaginal Dryness/Odor (ack!).
  • Lower Sex Drive.
  • Unwanted Hair Growth.


And oh yes, Zombification. This is where you try to eat the ones you love.

But guess what? There’s a “Second Talk” Menopause Kit! aka the Poise Feminine Wellness Line.

Full disclosure, Poise and BlogHer is sponsoring this post, but it’s perfect for my site and for this time in my life.

I love the idea of a “Second Talk” because it feels like a new beginning rather than the road to oblivion.

I’m hopeful there will be much gained in this life transition, and Poise is offering products to allay some of menopause’s irksome symptoms.

(I’ve thoughtfully pointed out how they can be helpful for men, too!)

Roll-On Cooling Gel: helps you feel comfortable and refreshed when a hot flash strikes. Squeeze the tube and gently roll the cooling gel on wrists, chest, or neck for a cooling sensation that lasts up to 10 minutes. 

(Men: this can be useful for you when watching Sofia Vergara on Modern Family with your wife in the room. Never let her see you sweat!)

Personal Lubricant: is designed to enhance your intimate moments. This lubricant features an easy to use bottle and is glycerin, paraben and fragrance free. 

(Men: especially helpful as a scent-free aftershave lotion).

Feminine Wash: provides daily freshness with a unique formulation that is pH balanced for your intimate area. Glycerin and paraben free, this gentle wash has a non-irritating formula and will help you feel clean and confident. 

(Men: have you smelled your undershirts lately? Trust me, you can use this stuff. Don’t get me started on your tightie whities).

Poise wants to make sure that all women feel comfortable and confident heading into the next stage of womanhood. 

Take the Pledge to have the “Second Talk” before October 18th, which is World Menopause Day, and join the conversation.

When were you most mortified by bodily malfunction?

(For me that would be when I was standing in a full gymnasium for my high school Spanish teacher’s retirement, ran into my unrequited high school crush and had my first hot flash. They say timing is everything.)

And when are you most confident? (For me that would be when I make a beach landing behind enemy lines in full Navy Seal gear.)

Leave me a comment with your answer to be entered for a chance to win a $250 Visa gift card, courtesy of BlogHer and Poise!

Have the “Second Talk” with me xo


Write a comment
  1. Tina
    Tina 26 July, 2012, 01:27

    I’m most confident when I’m tan, botoxed, and it’s payday!

    Reply this comment
  2. Megan
    Megan 26 July, 2012, 08:38

    I think the hardest for me was explaining (over and over again)that I actually was in menopause at 38. Now I’m used to being asked when my last period was and I simply answer honestly: 2006. 🙂

    Reply this comment
  3. Firdosi Wharton-Ali
    Firdosi Wharton-Ali 26 July, 2012, 10:41

    You are as hysterical as I thought you might be with words! I would tell everybody on Facebook had I not been banned by the Facebook police for having an opinion about my own life – Apparently they are big fans of Miss Rita’s work having been made witness to her brilliance at the Screenwriter’s Showcase – All in good fun if you can’t have a little levity when life hands you a key lime pie when you only know what to do with lemons then what is the point in the end after all…

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 26 July, 2012, 13:56

      I think Rita may end up being a character in my next script. I never knew she was so eviiilllll!

      Reply this comment
  4. joe webb
    joe webb 26 July, 2012, 11:18

    my wife has been menopausal last couple of years.. makes me (hubby) want to go back to the good old days of PMS..I cant wait until this is over so i can bring the steak knives back from storage..JOe

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 26 July, 2012, 13:57

      Joe you always crack me up. My husband doesn’t walk through the house anymore. He darts.

      Reply this comment
  5. joe webb
    joe webb 26 July, 2012, 11:23

    cooling gel and Sofia vegara wouldn’t work for me, i still make motorboat sounds with my lips when i see her (them) I just cant help my self..women get menopause men just become dirty and old. JOe

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 26 July, 2012, 13:57

      Even I make motorboat sounds when I see Sofia Vergara. She’s just yummy.

      Reply this comment
  6. Jasmine Forte
    Jasmine Forte 26 July, 2012, 11:24

    Your hair growth looks SOOOOO much sexier than mine! Perfect when paired up with a smoking gun! Mine is more suited to be paired up with a turban 🙁

    Reply this comment
  7. Mami2jcn
    Mami2jcn 26 July, 2012, 11:24

    I feel most confident when I’m having a good hair day.

    Reply this comment
  8. Mami2jcn
    Mami2jcn 26 July, 2012, 11:29


    Reply this comment
  9. Rosa
    Rosa 26 July, 2012, 11:56

    I am most confident when I work out and notice that my clothing fits better.

    Reply this comment
  10. Alexandra
    Alexandra 26 July, 2012, 12:23

    BHDad and I are sort of looking forward to the days without PMS and fear of pregnancy.

    Reply this comment
  11. Mary Anne
    Mary Anne 26 July, 2012, 12:59

    This article is soooo helpful and informative!

    Reply this comment
  12. Jessica To
    Jessica To 26 July, 2012, 14:37

    I feel the most confident when I am well rested and wearing something that I think flatters my figure.

    Reply this comment
  13. The Bearded Iris
    The Bearded Iris 26 July, 2012, 15:49

    I was wondering which other bloggers would be crazy enough to apply for this review opportunity (like me)! So glad to have found some sisters who aren’t afraid to talk shop, and of course by shop, I mean vagizness. Hello, new friend.

    Oh, and I feel most confident when I am making people laugh…as long as I’m sure they are laughing WITH me and not AT me. (Sometimes it’s hard to tell.)

    Reply this comment
  14. Yvonne Condes
    Yvonne Condes 26 July, 2012, 17:09

    I already run 10 degrees hotter than everyone else in the room. I can’t imagine how unpleasant hot flashes will be!

    Reply this comment
  15. OCMomActivities - Katie
    OCMomActivities - Katie 26 July, 2012, 18:40

    I’m most confident after I’ve curled my hair, done my make-up and heels of course. This happens about once a blue moon. 😉

    And I second Yvonne’s comment, I’m dreading it because I run warm too!

    Reply this comment
  16. Julie Ordonez
    Julie Ordonez 26 July, 2012, 23:04

    Today I yelled at my husband because he accidentally took my salad I was saving for MY lunch to work with him. I yelled and cried over a SALAD. But it was THEMOSTAMAZINGSALADEVER and he TOOK it. And might I add, it’s also that time of the month for me. I’m only 28 so not quite menopausal yet, but I shudder to think that if hormonal influences cause me to breakdown over a missing salad, what will I be like in 20 years? Yikes.

    Reply this comment
  17. Amy @ A Little Nosh
    Amy @ A Little Nosh 27 July, 2012, 08:21

    I feel confident when I’m asked a question at work and I actually know the answer. And then I realize…I’m GOOD at what I do!

    Reply this comment
  18. tania luviano
    tania luviano 27 July, 2012, 08:29

    Can’t imagine how unpleasant hot flashes would be, i’m not there yet and not looking forward.

    Reply this comment
  19. Shelby Barone
    Shelby Barone 27 July, 2012, 09:27

    I am not looking forward to having to go through this.

    Reply this comment
  20. Stephanie
    Stephanie 27 July, 2012, 11:46

    i feel being confident just being my self!

    Reply this comment
  21. courtney b
    courtney b 27 July, 2012, 12:21

    i feel most confident after my daily morning hike:)

    Reply this comment
  22. Amanda Sakovitz
    Amanda Sakovitz 27 July, 2012, 12:46

    I feel most confident after getting my hair cut and colored!

    Reply this comment
  23. Elena
    Elena 27 July, 2012, 14:16

    I feel most confident after I had a good night sleep and don’t look tired.

    Reply this comment
  24. Heather Tucker
    Heather Tucker 27 July, 2012, 17:17

    I feel most confident when I’m doing my mommy thang.

    Reply this comment
  25. Claudia Lewis
    Claudia Lewis 27 July, 2012, 17:34

    I don’t like reading about this stuff. It makes me want to stay in my 30s forever. Or at least have lots of naturally lubricated sex.
    2 questions:
    1. How do you decide the winner of the gift card? Is it the woman (let’s be realistic about the gender of readership here) with the funniest post? Or the woman with the most peri menopausal vaginal dryness?
    2. If you win said gift card, must the $250 be spent entirely on sanitary products?

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 27 July, 2012, 19:53

      Hello Claudia — you will always be a font of lubrication well into your 90s if not beyond. The winner is sadly (As John Malkovich said repeatedly to Michelle Pfeiffer in “Dangerous Liaisons”) “beyond my control.” It will be one of those pull a comment out of a hat things (or a tweet for that matter) and the winner will be informed via the platform they submitted upon. Also the $250 can be spent on whatever you’d like. Rent or Geisha eunuchs. May the odds be ever in your favor…..

      Reply this comment
  26. amy pugmire
    amy pugmire 27 July, 2012, 17:50

    I feel most confident when I feel good about myself on the inside.

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 27 July, 2012, 19:53

      Amy — just saying that means you probably are good on the inside. All I care about is which direction gravity is pulling me now.

      Reply this comment
  27. Alaine
    Alaine 27 July, 2012, 20:43

    I feel most confident w/ 2 inch heels and a flowy dress 🙂
    family74014 at gmail dot com

    Reply this comment
  28. Aracely W
    Aracely W 28 July, 2012, 09:33

    I feel most confident when I manage to take a shower, actually style my hair and not put it in a bum and wear some makeup. These days.. I’m not feeling very confident very often! LOL! By the way woman you always crack me up!

    Reply this comment
  29. Tiffany Winner
    Tiffany Winner 28 July, 2012, 11:45

    when i have a good hair day i feel more confident, thismomwins@gmail.com

    Reply this comment
  30. steph
    steph 28 July, 2012, 13:03

    when i’m having a good hair day!

    Reply this comment
  31. Debbie B
    Debbie B 29 July, 2012, 16:28

    i feel most confident when i am wearing nice clothes and have my hair and makeup fixed nicely

    Reply this comment
  32. Kelly D
    Kelly D 29 July, 2012, 18:30

    I feel the most confident when I am wearing nice clothes, jewelry and have my hair done nicely.

    Reply this comment
  33. Amy Tong
    Amy Tong 30 July, 2012, 22:38

    . I feel most confident when I do what I love, which is to cook for my family.
    Amy [at] utry [dot] it

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 31 July, 2012, 00:22

      I think this may be my favorite answer! I love cooking for my kids too, of course that is also when I have my glass of wine and listen to the Weepies.

      Reply this comment
  34. Amy Tong
    Amy Tong 30 July, 2012, 22:39

    tweeted about this giveaway: https://twitter.com/uTry_it/status/230175782306197504

    Amy [at] utry [dot] it

    Reply this comment
  35. Carol D
    Carol D 31 July, 2012, 15:55

    I feel the most confident when I know my hormone replacement therapy patch is firmly in place!!!!

    Reply this comment
  36. Jessie C.
    Jessie C. 1 August, 2012, 00:11

    I feel most confident when I feel fit, am dressed well and appropriate.
    tcarolinep at gmail dot com.

    Reply this comment
  37. Ellen b
    Ellen b 1 August, 2012, 20:44

    when I have a great haircut and we go out to dinner

    Reply this comment
  38. cw
    cw 2 August, 2012, 10:00

    I feel most confident when I am not bloated, having a good hair day, had enough rest, exercise, and stay calm.

    Reply this comment
  39. Judy B.
    Judy B. 2 August, 2012, 12:28

    I think I might forego the beach landing but I would feel more confident having more information and “gear”. Thank you Poise!

    Reply this comment
  40. Erika
    Erika 2 August, 2012, 21:57

    I feel the most confident after my husband compliments me on my outfit- he doesn’t usually say much, so when he does, it means a lot!


    Reply this comment
  41. Heather
    Heather 4 August, 2012, 17:48

    I’m most confident when I’m working out. I’m sure I look a mess, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling pretty great about myself in that moment.

    Reply this comment
    ANGEL JACKLYN 6 August, 2012, 09:44


    Reply this comment
    ANGEL JACKLYN 6 August, 2012, 09:44

    2ND ENTRY TWEET HERE! CROSSING MY FINGERS! https://twitter.com/kytah00/status/232517272428744704

    Reply this comment
  44. Tina M
    Tina M 6 August, 2012, 14:10

    When I have my makeup on

    Reply this comment
  45. sy
    sy 6 August, 2012, 23:35

    I’m most afraid of bodily malfunction when I’m presenting in front of other people, and confident if I do a good job. Thanks for the review and giveaway.
    songyueyu at gmail

    Reply this comment
  46. sy
    sy 6 August, 2012, 23:35

    tweet: https://twitter.com/syytta/status/232726621688311808
    songyueyu at gmail

    Reply this comment
  47. injaynesworld
    injaynesworld 7 August, 2012, 19:38

    I feel most confident when I’ve had a great ride on my horse.

    Reply this comment
  48. Kerry
    Kerry 8 August, 2012, 19:09

    A new outfit always makes me feel confident.

    Reply this comment
  49. Pat
    Pat 10 August, 2012, 07:45

    I feel confident when I am doing things I know I rock at doing – and when I get compliments later its a major confidence boost!

    Reply this comment
  50. Melinda
    Melinda 14 August, 2012, 09:18

    When I’m dressed up and looking sexy

    Reply this comment
  51. Artistic Baker
    Artistic Baker 14 August, 2012, 09:19

    when I achieve a goal!

    Reply this comment
  52. Tian A.
    Tian A. 14 August, 2012, 15:12

    I feel most confident when I’m wearing my scarf.

    Reply this comment
  53. Kellie Rose Wilson
    Kellie Rose Wilson 15 August, 2012, 12:04

    I feel most confident in a new outfit

    Reply this comment
  54. Nicole Larsen
    Nicole Larsen 15 August, 2012, 16:47

    I feel most confident after getting my waxing done and a pedicure!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 15 August, 2012, 21:45

      The dreaded waxing. One session and it was laser hair removal for me. Yeoooowww! (Oh, were you talking about your legs?)

      Reply this comment
  55. LAMusing
    LAMusing 15 August, 2012, 23:30

    A new haircut always makes me feel confident

    Reply this comment
  56. Norma
    Norma 15 August, 2012, 23:41

    I feel confident in a nice outfit and a little make-up.

    Reply this comment
  57. Wendy Brown
    Wendy Brown 16 August, 2012, 11:23

    I am most confident when I pamper myself and get a pedicure. It makes me feel good, which in turn, makes me feel confident!

    Reply this comment
  58. jennifer horn
    jennifer horn 16 August, 2012, 12:01

    I’m most confident when out with my husband and he comments how great I look. After 3 kids this is always great to hear.

    Reply this comment
  59. Ashley Tucker
    Ashley Tucker 18 August, 2012, 17:59

    I feel confident when I have on cute outfit!

    Reply this comment
  60. Kelly Massman
    Kelly Massman 19 August, 2012, 03:09

    I feel confident when I smile! Thanks for a chance to win and have a great day!

    Reply this comment
  61. April V.
    April V. 19 August, 2012, 18:14

    I am most confident in sweatpants, a tshirt, with one hand in a bag of chocolates and the other holding a good book.

    Reply this comment
  62. Laura Jacobson
    Laura Jacobson 20 August, 2012, 16:58

    I feel most confident after I have had my teeth cleaned at the dentist!

    Reply this comment
  63. Michelle S.
    Michelle S. 20 August, 2012, 19:38

    I feel confident when I lead spinning class and the men in the class are having trouble keeping up! LOL

    Reply this comment
  64. anonymous
    anonymous 22 August, 2012, 16:02

    I feel most confident when I have my hair colored. Getting my roots touched up and my hair highlighted boosts my confidence. altern147 [at] yahoo [dot] com

    Reply this comment
  65. Betty C
    Betty C 22 August, 2012, 19:38

    I am most confident when I’m in attractive well fitting clothing with a hair style I love.

    Reply this comment
  66. Ellie W
    Ellie W 23 August, 2012, 11:44

    I’m most confident when I’m out with my grandsons and everyone mistakes them for my children.
    Thanks for the giveaway!
    eswright18 at gmail dot com

    Reply this comment
  67. Ellie W
    Ellie W 23 August, 2012, 11:45


    eswright18 at gmail dot com

    Reply this comment
  68. ewhatley
    ewhatley 23 August, 2012, 13:38

    I feel confident now because all the worse things in life are behind me, I survived all of them and getting older is really fun.

    Reply this comment
  69. maria cantu
    maria cantu 23 August, 2012, 14:08

    When I have had a good night’s sleep.

    Reply this comment
  70. Candy
    Candy 23 August, 2012, 15:05

    So far for me, the hot flashes only last about 30 secs., and only periodically. That STILL beats the he** out of a 5 day period!! And, I have found Sam-E, an anti-anxiety supplement that helps you sleep as well as takes away the raving-bitchiness! I’m all over that shiznit!

    Reply this comment
  71. Nancy H.
    Nancy H. 23 August, 2012, 15:10

    I am most confident right after my workouts. I feel like I can take on the world!

    Reply this comment
  72. Nancy H.
    Nancy H. 23 August, 2012, 15:11

    “The second talk.” I love this concept!

    Reply this comment
  73. Debbie Fabre
    Debbie Fabre 23 August, 2012, 16:12

    I feel most confident when my husband tells me he loves me.

    Reply this comment
  74. meredith
    meredith 23 August, 2012, 17:41

    I feel most confident when I am prepared and well rested

    Reply this comment
  75. Jill L
    Jill L 23 August, 2012, 21:34

    I feel most confident when I’m with my friends. I can take on the world!!

    Reply this comment
  76. angie lilly
    angie lilly 24 August, 2012, 09:13

    I feel most confident when I cook a meal and everyone tells me how good it is and I can tell they really mean it! Cooking for friends and family is how I show I love them, so their liking it is important for my ego!

    Reply this comment
  77. Sarah L
    Sarah L 24 August, 2012, 15:05

    I feel most confident when I’m in the swimming pool teaching my Arthritis Class.
    Thanks for the contest.

    Reply this comment
  78. anash
    anash 24 August, 2012, 20:08

    having nice crisp clothes makes me feel confident! Thanks for a super giveaway!

    Reply this comment
  79. anash
    anash 24 August, 2012, 20:18

    Thanks for the chance to win!
    email: anashct1 [at] yahoo [dot] com

    Reply this comment
  80. Gina
    Gina 28 August, 2012, 19:51

    I feel most confident when people smile at me and I realize that I’ve got something good going on. BTW – The replies on this post have me cracking up!

    Reply this comment

Write a Comment