“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

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5 Summer Camp Activities That Scarred my Children

I did something that totally pissed my kids off. I sent them to summer sports camp so I could work and try to make money to pay for their braces and college. That’s right, I’m an asshole. After camp, when

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How “The Fault In Our Stars” Changed Me

What was I thinking? I just read John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars, the one about the teenage cancer patients, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who fall in love. (not a sponsored post and there is a spoiler a few sentences

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If I Did This to my Daughters They Would Never Speak to me Again, But Dang it’s Funny

Okay. This is funny even if you’re having period cramps. Don’t want to publish any spoilers so all I can really write about this is #flocomestotown #theredbadgeofcourage #surfingthecrimsonwave #thecurse #therearecommunistsinthefunhouse #reddotspecial Enjoy!

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I Love All of You Good Dads! Thanks for Your Hard Work!

Daddies. They’re so wonderful. First of all they usually smell good. My dad wasn’t much of a cuddler when I was growing up. But sometimes I could sneak up on him when he was lying on his back on the

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The Transgender Child Video That’s Gone Viral

The 1999 film Boys Don’t Cry starring Hilary Swank was my first brush with understanding the transgender community. Prior to that I was probably like a lot of mainstream folk. I thought transgender folk were confused, damaged people who needed therapeutic

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Daughters are from Venus, Daddies are from Mars aka The Father Daughter Relationship

Daddies value quiet, calm, cool-headedness, solutions to problems and a frothy lager. Pubescent Daughters value love, acceptance, patience and a safe place to dump their volcanic, spuming, flesh-incinerating emotions. If an unsuspecting Daddy doesn’t understand how a marauding daughter is

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The Post in Which I Exhibit Poor Parenting Skills aka The Exquisite Maternal Martyr

“Alright fine, let’s just go! No one wants to be here anyway so let’s just go home and all get on our electronic devices in separate rooms so we don’t actually have to interact ever again!” Oh yes, that was

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I’m a Tween’s Worst Nightmare

Bridget just turned 10. Claire has 12 in her sniper sights. I’ve had a few epic fails recently which I won’t detail in order to protect tween privacy. But one of my less epic fails was attempting to kiss Bridget

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10 Ways Having Kids Changed My Life

When the nurse placed my first swaddled newborn on my chest right after I gave birth, I believe the first words out of my mouth to my husband were, “I am so f#@ked.” And I still feel that way. Because

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Why I Think Woody Allen Is Guilty of Molesting his Daughter Dylan, and Why Mia Farrow Isn’t Blameless

I’m one of the people who believes Woody Allen molested his daughter, Dylan Farrow. I’ve read extensively about this family; Mia Farrow’s memoir, What Falls Away. Maureen Orth’s incendiary Mia’s Story in Vanity Fair, November of 1992, when the accusations of

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Experts Say, “Don’t Tell Your Daughter She’s Pretty!” I Say, Why Not?

There’s a trend in parenting to compliment our children’s abilities rather than their appearance. The lead in a recent Daily Telegraph article states, “Parents should stop telling their children they look beautiful because it places too much emphasis on appearance

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Sex and Drugs “To Don’t” List For Teenagers

My kids don’t do what I say. Especially in the morning before school (TMBS). In TMBS they become spaced out love children in the Haight circa 1969. They get distracted by the way the light bends in from the skylight

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The Thing That Put This Soccer Mom In Her Place

I’ve been reveling in some bragging rights about my daughter Bridget’s prowess as a soccer goalie. She made the All-Star team this year and I heard people whispering she was the best goalie in the 10-and-under age group. (I know

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The Post In Which I Fail As A Mother

Me to Bridget (aged 9) when I fail as a mother: Honey, I’m sorry I lost it with daddy in front of you today. Bridget: You mean when you yelled you were sick of his fucking napping all the time

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What Makes Me Feel Optimistic In A World Full Of Bad News

If you read my blog you know I’m capable of catastrophic Irish morbidity. Case in point. When my daughters strike an aloof attitude toward me as I leave the house, I have to muzzle myself from saying: “You should hug me

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In Defense of a Commercial Christmas aka Soulless Loot Trolls

We Collearys are not a religious people. Henry’s a recovering Catholic. I was raised Mormon and love them dearly, but simply could not commit to “One True Church” or give up wine (the Mormon age for baptism is 8, but

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Don’t Shake Your Man Parts At Me!

Confession: Clare, Henry, Oscar the Handyman and I are sick of each other. Clare’s been home from school with the flu for a week. What this means is she gags, barfs, watches TV with glazed, gunman eyes, mainlines Gatorade like

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The Boy I Tutor Doesn’t Appreciate Me aka It’s Not About You, Shannon!

I’m embarrassing the pubescent testosterone right out of Miguel just by standing in the doorway of his homeroom class. Miguel’s a 13-year old 8th grader trying desperately to cultivate a mustache that looks like a black caterpillar, an attitude that

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My Name Is Tom

Last week I picked my daughters and a friend of theirs up from school. We made a pitstop at our favorite taco truck in front of a car wash on Westwood and Santa Monica Boulevards. As we waited in line

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How I Ended Up Holding A Package of Brains aka Public Education

I was a little startled to find myself holding a package containing twelve vacuum-packed brains last Wednesday. “Please tell me these aren’t what I think they are,” I asked Mr. Bishop, a sixth grade science teacher who has Multiple Sclerosis.

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The Surprising Thing That Happened When I Parented Someone Else’s Child?

When other people’s children are in my care I treat them like they’re mine. I didn’t used to do this, but I’ve had kids for 11 years now so I’m battle tested. I bear the scars of having my children

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Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley Of Lice

It hath come to pass that a plague hath beset the Colleary family whereupon we were ravaged by lice. No, they were not any of the particular louses that Shannon hath, in the past, lain with like the Whore of

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What Happened When I Said No To My Daughter

My daughters’ snuggles are my form of crack. On a biochemical level my body sinks into a deeper calm when I hold them. And it doesn’t seem to matter that they’re at that no-man’s land between toddlerdom and teendom where

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When Your Daughter Hits Below The Belt

It seemed like an ordinary night. There were no harbingers of doom — a murder of black crows on the telephone wires outside, a vanity mirror broken jaggedly down its center.  No, all was as it usually was. Henry was

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My Shiksa Daughters Want to be Jewish

We went to a Bar Mitzvah Saturday. You would have thought we’d asked our tween Shiksa daughters to shave their heads and flap their arms when they walked. The caterwauling. Yes, they had to miss part of their best friend’s

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