“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

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Why I Stopped Trying To Make My Daughter Be Pretty

My 10-year-old daughter Clare only likes to wear clothes from the boy’s section. Preferably a boxy, shapeless t-shirt with pictures of Spiderman or any other superhero on them. She always wears two braids. Always. Even to bed. Her hair is

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The Puberty Video’s at the end of the Year

Puberty is coming to my house.  I have a fifth grader and the puberty video’s at the end of the year.  But already things are happening.  I’m going to have to go to the training bra section of the neighborhood Macys.

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There will be no child actors here!

A star has been born in our family. Yes, yes, I know Bridget is my child therefore I’m partial. But this is not a subjective opinion, there is scientific proof that she is a star. There is the measurable charismatic

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I Both Want And Don’t Want To Be A Working Mom

I need to get a job because we need the cash flow.  My girls are 8 and 10 and I’ve had freelance writing jobs throughout their lives, but nothing that dominated my schedule in any meaningful way.  I was also

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I’ve Met The Perfect 10

I met my perfect 10 on June 3rd, 2012 at approximately 3;33p.m. My perfect 10 has long legs, cornflower blue eyes, thick, golden hair and a ribald laugh. We’re in the honeymoon phase where 10 wants to hold me and gaze

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What’s Tearing My Relationship With My Daughters Apart …

It’s 2:45 on Friday.  I arrive at their elementary school to pick my daughters up from 4th and 2nd grade. They approach, sluggishly, pinched faces, sullen expressions.I’m suddenly on alert. Def-Con 5. ME: (smiling like you would at crazed gunmen

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I’m A Benign Racist, But I Don’t Want My Kids To Be

We’re going to send our daughters to the public middle school. Don’t hold me to it. In a fit of helicoptering white-flight panic we might drive 5 miles away to the Pacific Palisades and send them to that middle school

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Breast Buds

We were reading in bed like we usually do. You were extorting me for tickles, like you usually do. Up came your Yankees shirt and there they were. The very beginnings of womanhood on your chest. No! I thought. Not

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Time Magazine Brouhaha – hahahahahaha (insane laughter of commenters)

It seems many mommies’ panties are in a twist over the provocative Time Magazine breastfeeding cover.  I’m not going to write anymore about the mom on the cover, I’ve already done so and it’s my hope that a conscionable media

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In Defense of my Friend Jamie Lynne Grumet: Time’s breastfeeding cover girl

Several years ago, during an interview with a homeopathic doctor for an ailment of mine, she mentioned she still breastfed her 5-year old son.  I backed out of her office as if she were a crazed circus clown gunman, never

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Other People’s Kids Suck!

Hey guys, I’m over at Aiming Low today with Other People’s Kids Suck! I’d love to send some traffic there as there are so many great writers!  Among my favorites are Alexandra from Good Day, Regular People she’s actually too nice

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How to Throw a Greek Mythology Party For Kids Without Becoming a Hydra!

First of all, don’t do it. Are you insane? But, if you must the very first thing you should do is to make the Grown-Up Nectar of the Gods which consists of Gin, Tonic, Limeade. Mostly Gin. Drink copiously. Ice cubes

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A Mom Bully Kicked My Butt!

Women scare the ever-loving crap out of me. I’d rather go 5 rounds in the cage with UFC fighter Allistair Overeem than be subjected to one cup of coffee with a passive-aggressive mom who doesn’t like the food I gave

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2 Ways to Deal With the Bitch Inside

I have a new Monday Sin I’d like to deal with: Anger. I lost my marbles on the train platform at the Grand Canyon Saturday. Actually a more astute phrase might be “I went batshit crazy” aka “I was channeled

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Over The Edge Death In Grand Canyon!

Over The Edge Death In Grand Canyon is the title of the book I’m reading since Henry, the kids and I set off for the Grand Canyon via train this morning. Maybe if we take the mule ride tour we’ll

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Wordless Monday in Sedona, Arizona

We’re on spring break.  There are no beer funnels.  No calling parents from a Oaxacan jail.  No tequila-induced tattoos of dancing Geishas on our bottoms.  There’s no girls gone wild.  Just girls (and Henry) gone child. We’re traveling the southwest

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Battle of the Narcissists

I slump next to Fred, who is 5, on a couch at his mom’s birthday party. Me: I can’t believe your mom is 47 because that means I’m almost 47. Fred: Do you like Star Wars or The Clone Wars

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I’m Pro-Choice Because I Love My Kids

I’m not political. This isn’t a political blog. But the whole Rush Limbaugh/Sandra Fluke kerfuffle and Obama’s excoriation by the religious right has me steaming. I’m a social liberal who supports Planned Parenthood and Naral. Here’s why… My daughter Clare almost

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“Run Like a Mother#@$%er!”

“Wow, your daughter’s got quite an arm!” says a dad sitting next to Shannon at Little League softball tryouts. “Oh I don’t know … I guess maybe she did inherit her grandfather’s eye-hand-coordination. He won the 1952 Little League World

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Do You Bore Your Kid?

“Friday Wrap-Up: Do You Bore Your Kid?” I have two daughters, 7 &9. One needs constant conversation and connection. The other is a day-dreamer who entertains herself with her own stories. The squeaky wheel is the one who gets most

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What Do You Tell Your Children About Death?

Friday Wrap-up: What Do You Tell Your Children About Death? It’s been an awful year. We’ve lost three of our beloved elders. My sister-in-law’s health is precarious and we’re blazing the trail to bring her back to health. Also my

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Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Boobs On The Table!

Wednesday Epiphany: Sometimes You Gotta Put Your Boobs On The Table Last night I decided to play Monopoly with my daughters instead of allowing them to watch A Dolphin’s Tale for the fiftieth time.  I was trying to be a

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Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now.

Wednesday Epiphany: Relish The Moment. This One. Right Now. This is not a funny one… 2011 has been a difficult year for us and our extended family. Loss, diminishment, permanent change. My elegant grandma Sue passed away in February at

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The Santa Con

Monday Sins is on hold until next week because I’ve been eating my weight in candy cane cookies and want to be in denial. Instead I feel compelled to plumb the labyrinthine depths to which our children will sink to

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Christmas Epiphany: Sit On The Couch And Drink Chardonnay

If I could control the moon, the sky, the sea, the stars and Ashton Kutcher’s wandering phallus I would.  Which means every year when it’s time to decorate for Christmas my sphincter’s as tight as Hugh Hefner’s grip on his

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