“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

Download Shannon's story, "Beautiful Boy, Brandon Lee," in its full length, excerpted from her book, Smash, Crash & Burn.

Love & Sex

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The Clitoris: Does Size Really Matter?

Author’s note: (In this post I will use Google-recommended euphemisms for the word VAGINA. They will be written ALL IN CAPS). Henry has informed me that I am blogging entirely too much about the BIRTH CANNON so I perused my

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My Last Post On Blogspot! aka Batwoman Says Good-bye

This will be my last post on Blogspot, (in case the title was ambiguous or you’re on crack and can only hear the high-pitched whistles dogs howl at). I have no feelings about Blogspot except it seems to have a

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My Unnatural Fixation With Gavin DeGraw

I’m obsessed with Gavin DeGraw. I had no idea who Gavin DeGraw was until he got beaten up in New York and my morbid curiosity led me to his “I Don’t Want To Be” video here… Yummy Gavin I’m a

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All About My Vagina aka When Does Menopause Start?

Okay. It’s not as inappropriate as it sounds. Try not to be disappointed. I bring you all you ever wanted to know or didn’t want to know all about my vagina. BTW When does menopause start? And for more on

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I Know It’s Not Modern, But I’m In Love With My Husband

Henry (not his real name, his real name’s … Britannicus Maximus) drove up to Santa Barbara from our home in L.A. today to pick up our kids at my mom’s house where they and I have been frolicking and creating

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Jealous of that Bastard Daddy! (Gestation: 22 Weeks)

My eighteen month-old toddler Clare loves her daddy more than me. There it is. In black-and-white for all to see. A public indictment of my mothering skills. C : “What’s she doing here?” H:  “Just ignore her and maybe she’ll go away.”

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Tonight’s The Night, Baby

Last night was going to be The Night. I felt a lurking presence behind me as I Googled “Thesaurus” trying to find a better word for “engorgement” (don’t ask) on the internet. I turned to see Henry standing behind me. He was

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Man Garage

My husband to the Garage: What happened to you? You used to look so pulled together? The Garage to my husband: I knew it! Once I was enough for you, but now you want one of those freakishly large, four-car garages! They don’t

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The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm

My third child, Winston.  He has nothing to do with turning 46, but I love him.  My milk came in when I held him. Today I’m 46.  Shit.  Forty.  Six.  (well, it was yesterday, but I just got around to posting).

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10th Wedding Anniversary

Shhhh. I’m at the San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara for my 10th wedding anniversary. Don’t tell anyone who might try to find me. Including my kids and husband. I’m alone. I amstill married. I think. Kidding. I’m still married, 10

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Arnold Schwarzenegger aka Arnold Schwarzen-ass!

Eleven years ago Arnold Schwarzenegger told my husband he would be a “SCHMUCK” if he didn’t get me to sign a pre-nup before we got married. Oops, just a minute. Have to pick up that name I just dropped. But it’s

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Married Sex: Fact or Fiction? I’ll Never Tell

Sarah and Simon had been married ten years.  They had two children, Octavia and Penelope, ages two and four.  Their angels and their succubae.  The couple shared a post-partum stress disorder that manifested in the certainty that their daughters would be felled by whooping cough,

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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Gestation: 31 weeks)

As I swallowed a third Tums to quell the pillaging heartburn that comes of eating chicken milanesa when you’re nearly eight months pregnant, I dreamt of not being a mommy for one whole week. I want just one measly week

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Alcohol Cravings (Gestation: 21 Weeks, 4 Days)

We enter a Mexican restaurant for our first dinner out together since the twelfth of never.  It smells of tomatillos and pinto beans con queso, deep-fried corn tortilla chips and freshly blended Jose Cuervo 1600 margaritas with salted rims.  The

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