“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

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Hollywood Update

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How Annette Bening Is Dangerously Radical

As I watched Bening portray Dorothea Fields in “20th Century Women,” (which should finally be her Oscar-winning role) a fresh, radical idea came to me …

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The Effects of Divorce on Children: How My Parents’ Divorce Turned Me Into Jason Bourne

“I always thought I should be a spy. I’d have supreme efficiency in handling numerous vehicles, and would possess a Brazilian passport with a Portuguese name: ‘Gilberta de Piento.’ I felt qualified because my parents divorced when I was three and I orbited two homes as disparate as Jupiter and Mars. My mom remarried a police officer who had two sons that were three and six years older than me and we lived on a 69-foot sailboat in a white-trash, run-down harbor in Antioch, California, where Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped and kept as a sex slave for 18 years.” Keep Reading …

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Is Chad from The Bachelorette a Serial Killer? My Pick to Win!

Excerpt: “How dare he cut in on her private conversations with poor erectile dysfunction salesman Evan? (Who Chad definitely thinks is a pussy) and find dark alcoves to pull JoJo into and kiss her (you just know Chad’s not kissing with a closed mouth!) Keep reading:

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Oscar Predictions of 2016 from a Hollywood Screenwriter (aka me)

Excerpt: “the emotional life of The Revenant, a father’s love for his son, fell flat for me and DiCaprio’s ability to walk and fight after so many near-death injuries stretched the limits of my willingness to believe. After injuries like that he wouldn’t have any functioning internal organs let alone unbroken bones.” Keep Reading:

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Daniel Radcliffe Fails Epically in his New Role (Video)

Well I think we always knew that Mr. Radcliff was a one-act pony. (I suppose this can also serve as a pun for his desnuded turn with a horse in Eqqus on Broadway). Monsieur Harry Potter, how could you be so adept at killing Voldemort and now this? (Don’t let your children watch, it may scar them.)

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8 Picks for Best and Worst Movies of 2014. And my Oscar Predictions!

Do NOT go see Interstellar. Because the time continuum — on which relativity, gravity and the unquantifiable algorithm of love is unspooled by that easy-on-the-eyes Texan, Matthew McConaughey, as he goes on ahead into outer space just as nervous-as-a-cat-inna-room-fulla-rocking-chairs and gets busier-thana-cat-coverin’-shit-onna-rockpile tryin’a get back home to his kin — makes no fucking sense at all!

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One of the Many Reasons to Swoon Over Jimmy Fallon. Oh, and Brad Pitt too.

Brad Pitt Jimmy Fallon break dancing. Me laughing uncontrollably. Tween daughters thinking we are all lame. Dog eating his own poo.

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Whose Oscar Date 2014 was the Hottest Last Night?? (Photos)

Last night Henry and I threw an Oscar suaré  in order to distract ourselves from the fact that neither of us, inexplicably, was nominated for an Oscar. Didn’t anyone see my performance (starring as myself) screaming at Henry, “No more napping

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My Husband’s Two Degrees of Separation From Queen Latifah

My husband co-wrote the John Woo action film Face/Off which was heralded by IMDB as John Travolta’s best film ever. So imagine my surprise when I discovered Queen Latifah’s first guest on the premiere week of her new show was going

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My New BFF Queen Latifah

I’m not the groupie type. My husband forced me to meet Tom Cruise at one of the Mission Impossible premieres and I was really annoyed. Tom didn’t seem to notice my undeniable irresistibility.  Apparently he has plebeian taste in women.

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Why Cory Monteith’s Death Breaks Moms’ Hearts

He’s the boy you want your daughters to fall in love with; tall, affable, unthreateningly handsome — like a schoolboy with his shirt untucked playing tag on the lawn after Sunday school. He’s the boy who is polite when meeting

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I “Heart” David O Russell

I met David O Russell yesterday (writer/director of Flirting With Disaster, The Three Kings, I “Heart” Huckabees and The Fighter for all you non-film geeks). While I won’t go into the details of why I met with him –  because I’m superstitious

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Demi Moore Encounter

It’s official. Demi Moore drinks the blood of virgin Alsace choir boys. I was waiting for a meeting in premiere Hollywood agency CAA for unknown and mysterious reasons which I will only report should something meaningful happen. As I checked

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Who Shot Rock and Roll?

I’m not a rock and rolla. I don’t go to concerts. I think I’ve been to twelve concerts in my life and one of them was Barry Manillow. Crowds and mosh pits terrify me. I don’t like jockeying for position

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An Open Letter to Kristen Stewart and My Book!

Here it is.  My newborn baby in its attractive swaddling: You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to netflix Donnie Darko.  Get yours at Amazon HERE for $2.99 You can read my OPEN LETTER TO KRISTEN STEWART at AIMING LOW today.

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Lunch At Bergdorf Goodman

I love New York City.  I love the way it smells like bagels and urine.  I love that it causes sweat to run in rivulets under my butt and breasts in the sticky August heat.  I love the whistling workmen

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Katie Holmes: Her Desperate Plea to Stay-At-Home Mom!

(Note: This post is back by popular demand) The problem with being a mom in L.A. is that we’re celebrity magnets. Stars — who spend their lives jetting to location on the Seychelles where they down copious amounts of Cristal

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I Don’t Want to Grow Up

One of my daughters wakes up crying and goes to sleep crying. My other daughter wakes up happy and goes to sleep happy. According to a report by John Stossel on 20/20it’s a simple matter of brain chemistry. Some people

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Is Angelina Jolie an Ice Queen Mom?

Cashier: Ma’am, are you buying that? Shannon: Me? What? This Star magazine? Oh, no no, I don’t read gossip magazines. I’m a college graduate; English Literature with a minor in Nuclear Disarmament. Shannon’s Internal Monologue: (“Angelina Jolie has a Nanny who tells

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I’m Co-Dependent with Octomom

Lenoard McCoyare you out of your Vulcan mind? No human can tolerate the (copious children) that’re in there! Spock: As you are so fond of observing, Doctor, I am not human! I’m worried about Octomom. Fourteen kids. Eight of them are 2. Yesterday

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Celebrity Stalkers — BlogHer "Voice of the Year 2011" Honoree in the Humor Category!

The problem with being a mom in L.A. is that we’re celebrity magnets. Stars — who spend their lives jetting to location on the Seychelles where they down copious amounts of Cristal Brut “Methuselah” and Magic Mushrooms while having meaningless (albeit

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AMERICAN IDOL: 5 Reasons It’s Better To See It On TV Than To Be In The Audience

1. You won’t get sick and tired of JLo accusing you of trying to steal her People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Woman in the World title during the commercial breaks. 2. You don’t have to refuse to sit front and center

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Celebrity Stalkers: Is Katie Holmes a Scientology Prisoner?

Needy Katie The problem with being a mom in L.A. is that we’re celebrity magnets. Stars — who spend their lives jetting to location on the Seychelles where they down copious amounts of Cristal Brut “Methuselah” and Magic Mushrooms while

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