A Potpourri of Married Sex and Asshat Advice From ShannonColleary.com
Hello Fair Reader. There are two of me now. My personal blog here and my relationship website where you’ll find the same ribald, inappropriate, yet hopefully helpful (?) advice about dating and marriage.
Here’s what’s been going on over there:
“I was raised Mormon, which didn’t suit me.
It made me suspicious of God. So I became agnostic. I wore my agnosticism like a Girl Scout merit badge.
My inner monologue when the Mormon Missionaries came to convert me:
‘Through the steady, extended use of my rational brain I’ve decided I don’t know if God exists and you can’t make me! So missionaries (gosh, you’re so handsome!) get back on your bicycles and be gone!’
However, I secretly hoped that God did exist (not the Old Testament God full of brimstone and scorn, just to be clear).
So when I started working on my co-dependent, pitiful self to try to get out of a toxic relationship with my boyfriend Mr. Cruelly Handsome (he earned a 4.0 GPA in chicanery), I had to get really humble.” Keep Reading …
And then there’s this one:
“I’ve been vigilant about not scaring my atheist or agnostic readers away by waxing too Woo-Woo spiritual on this site.
I’m incredibly skeptical when it comes to religion. Jim Jones from Jonestown, anyone? David Koresh from Waco Texas? And did you know Scientology is considered a religion in order to evade taxes?
But a huge part of breaking my cycle-of-emotionally-abusive-relationships came from working step 3 of a 12-Step program.” Keep Reading …
And I also have a couple of posts to help juice up the marital bedsprings. Please don’t tell anyone related to Henry or me. Because it would make them a bit queasy.
“Henry pokes his head out of the bathroom to say he’s drawn me a bath.
Was ist das? I think. (My sexual avatar is German, FYI)
On entering the bathroom I notice the corpse of a gallon jug of full-fat milk on the bathroom counter. Quickly I look at the bath to see it bears a milky white sheen. ‘Is there milk in there?’ I ask.
I can’t quite keep the trepidation out of my voice. I’m just not sure about cow’s milk finding its way into all of my hidden grottos.” Keep Reading …
And finally we have one that should get things boiling.
“I bade Henry get in bed. We somehow managed to have two hours of an empty house as our daughters were off hitting softballs (why is it everything I write now sounds to my brain like a sexual innuendo?).
I went into the kitchen and turned the tea kettle on. From the bedroom Henry yelled, ‘The sound of boiling water does not inspire confidence!’
I yelled something back along the lines of, ‘Shut up and get naked!’ He didn’t reply as, I can only assume, he was disrobing at lightening speed.” Keep Reading …
If my advice and stories help you in your own personal conundrum within a labyrinth you should definitely opt-in to my twice monthly Relationship Newsletter. And Share This with any of your loved ones who need a boost. xo S