Whose Oscar Date 2014 was the Hottest Last Night?? (Photos)
Last night Henry and I threw an Oscar suaré in order to distract ourselves from the fact that neither of us, inexplicably, was nominated for an Oscar.
Didn’t anyone see my performance (starring as myself) screaming at Henry, “No more napping for you!! I am not old enough to be married to a man who naps two hours everyday! Get up, get up, get up or I’m getting out the cattle prod!!”
I think we can all agree, my performance was more searing than Meryl Streep’s in August: Osage County as the drug-addicted family viper. I made her look like Hello Kitty.
They also, apparently, didn’t see Henry’s performance, (also starring as himself) as the victimized husband who finds the courage to stand up to his hellion wife, “I’m napping because it’s the only place I’m safe from you yelling at me to fix our front door, which I can’t fix because it’s been raining and the door has swollen and until it stops raining THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO, SO CRAWL OUT OF MY ASS!”
I can’t speak for Henry, but I already had my acceptance speech written. It goes something like this, “I just want to say ‘You’re welcome” to Dame Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett who are simply honored to share this category with me.”
Anyhow, on to more banal news, who do you think had the hottest Oscars date 2014?
For the rest of the gallery go to VH1.