Feeling Blue On Valentine’s Day
Today is a blue day for no particular reason. My children are thriving. My marriage is solid. We have money in the bank and a roof over our heads. I have the privilege of defining what I’ll do each day. But I’m still blue. And it’s not a crime.
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, but we don’t celebrate it. My suggestion.
I’d spent so many sad Valentine’s Days in relationships that were lonely and unfulfilling. Valentine’s Day tended to highlight everything I didn’t have.
Then I married Henry and we celebrated Valentine’s Days extravagantly. He bought me gifts I asked for. We had dinners at pricey, over-crowded restaurants you practically had to sell a kidney to get into. We wrote forced love letters. We made love like Chinese pandas expected to mate in captivity. In retrospect I wonder if I wasn’t trying to somehow make up for all of those pitiable Valentine’s Days past.
Well. No more.
Henry doesn’t have to perform on Valentine’s Day to prove he loves me, because I know he does each and every day. And men really don’t seem to give two craps about Valentine’s Day. Do you men?
So to those of you out there who will be feeling blue on Valentine’s Day, whether it’s because you’re single or not in the relationship you’d like to be in, you are not alone. All of us are dog paddling as fast as we can to stay afloat. Even those of us who seem to have the world on a string.
So on this particularly annoying holiday, be your own Valentine.
Acknowledge to yourself what a challenge it can be to be human. Forgive yourself for your struggles and praise yourself for getting up and try, try, trying again. Recognize your bravery in all of the things you do. Even the small ones, like getting up and going to work when you don’t feel like it. We aren’t really here to kick ass. I repeat. We aren’t really here to kick ass.
We also aren’t here to be better or less than anyone else. Who can know what it actually takes to be this specific human being?
Today I don’t like myself very much and I feel blue. But it’s okay. And Valentine’s Day won’t make it any better or worse. xo S
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